kevin_the_one Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Jan 28th 2007 my life changed drastically with a few words from my wife “I don’t want to be married anymore” It came as a complete shock, there had been no threats, no talk of being unhappy, no talk of divorce. We have been married for 11 yrs with 5 children, 3 from her previous 5 yr marriage and 2 of ours. Two are older and living on their own and she just took my 15 yr old stepson to live with his deadbeat dad 2 states away. It took me almost 3 week to get any kind of reason out of her, basically came down to i don't love you anymore or never did, i think i just married you to get away from a bad situation. I convinced her to go to one counseling section as long as we called it divorce counseling. I spent most of the section admitting my faults and have already made great progress, she spent the time explaining how the last 11 yrs was just a big mistake and she is sorry but she is not changing her mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Hi Kevin, I'm really sorry to hear of your situation. That must have been a huge shock and I trust she is reacting more emotionally than rationally with the things she has said. I don't know what advice I have for you other than don't delay moving quickly to protect your interests and hang around here for a while. You'll find a lot of people here ready to give you support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wandering_Sword Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Welcome to ENA. I am sorry to hear about your pain. Were here to help you the best we can. Keep strong and good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Semid Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 I'm sorry Kevin. Sometimes people drops a bomb and now you are the casualty. I'm so sorry.... sig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin_the_one Posted February 27, 2007 Author Share Posted February 27, 2007 Thank You for the comments, I'm going to see a lawyer today to protect my rights, I'm hoping to keep the kids in the home (ages 6 / 10) and let her go "find herself". Kevin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hootz Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Man that's tough!!! Feeling for you! I have a similar situation at the moment, and I'm doing a lot of crying, because I love my wife and kids so much. But at the end of the day, we all need to look after our own best interests, and those that we love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted February 27, 2007 Share Posted February 27, 2007 Good luck with everything Kevin. Keep us posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin_the_one Posted February 28, 2007 Author Share Posted February 28, 2007 Man that's tough!!! Feeling for you! I have a similar situation at the moment, and I'm doing a lot of crying, because I love my wife and kids so much. But at the end of the day, we all need to look after our own best interests, and those that we love. I've been a mess for 4 weeks now, I can also say I've learned more about myself and what is important to me in the last 4 weeks. I still love my wife but I'm past the point of "i can't live without her" , the kids don't know yet and I can't stand to think of the look on their cute little faces when they hear the word divorce from us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Dealing with the kids will be hard. But they are very adaptable. I'd advise you to be as upfront and honest with them as you feel you can about what is going on. You will learn a lot about yourself and life in general by the time all this is history. I hate to say it but prepare yourself for a tough couple of years. And keep talking about your feelings. Keeping things inside you will only make it harder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin_the_one Posted March 2, 2007 Author Share Posted March 2, 2007 My wife and I had our second counseling session today, while I continue to try and understand what went wrong in the marriage my wife is only interested in telling the kids we are separating, she has applied for jobs in a city 90 minutes away and has begun picking out possessions to take with her. I am starting to understand that it is not just me she can’t love, she had a very rough childhood, broken family, family doesn’t show love or affection, sexually abused at age 6, sister was murdered when she was 11, was a mom by 15 and divorced from her first husband at 23. This all explains why she is so cold and tough hearted, I only knew half of this when I asked her to marry me after 7 mo. dating. Each time she revealed a little bit of these events I would ask if she had ever been to therapy or gotten any help to deal with these things and she always said no she was fine. So over the years I accepted that she was not affectionate toward me and so when she hit me with wanting to leave it was a huge shock, she never shows emotion and won’t let me see her cry. She has admitted that she doesn’t know how to show love the same as most people but won’t admit that it has anything to do with the way she feels about our marriage. It is very frustrating that she won’t hang around long enough to work on our problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hootz Posted March 2, 2007 Share Posted March 2, 2007 Hang in there buddy! Sounds like your situation is a little bit different to mine. It sounds to me that she brought a lot of baggage into the marriage, that has eventually caught up with her, and until she can dump that baggage, she will never be able to have a loving, satisfying relationship, with you or with anyone, including her children. Arms get tired quickly while carrying baggage..... Chin up mate, we're all here for you!!! Stay positive!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin_the_one Posted May 19, 2010 Author Share Posted May 19, 2010 It has been a tough road to get to where I am now, but I was was worth it and a thousand times more. I stayed in the family home and got custody of my two wonderful kids, she pays me child support and the best part I have moved on and found true love with a woman who knows how to love a person back. I have never been this happy in any of the years with the Ex wife so for those of you just starting down this road... keep your head up and keep looking around the corner somthing better will come your way! good luck and i thank god enotalone was here for me when i needed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shortpants Posted May 19, 2010 Share Posted May 19, 2010 Awww, I always love reading the follow ups, thank you so much for coming back and giving us all an update. It sounds as if things are all for the better now, so glad to hear you are so much better off now, and kudos to you for keeping your kids and the house, it's always heartwarming to see people put their kids first in divorce situations. Good luck to you too, stay happy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenna-is-here Posted May 19, 2010 Share Posted May 19, 2010 Thanks for the update. I do need all the hope I can get. I am glad it all worked out for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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