bdwiii Posted September 7, 2003 Share Posted September 7, 2003 Hi everyone, I have a question to all of you that were dumped and didn't see it coming. How do our exes just hurt us so greatly and not even give us the kindness or empathy of at least one last heart-to-heart talk, an explanation of why they did what they did and why? And then just go on with their lives without us, despite that they lived, ate, slept and did most erverything else with us for the past several years, like nothing ever happened? HOW does one do that?? Cause I just can't. Every day there's something to remind me of her, places I go, roads I travel, people I talk to, almost EVERYTHING. Like today, it was a beautiful fall day; the sun was shining it was just the right temperature and all. Well, all I could think about was what is she doing with this lovely day... then.. what would we be doing today if this wouldn't have happened.. etc... Days like these kill me. I just don't know how she can walk away unscathed after I lived there in her apartment with her for a whole year and not feel a thing; it just doesn't seem to bother he in the slightest. I know from my own experience that once the person you were with has lived in your place for a long time and then they leave you, your place is then tainted. It will never be the same as before they were there. Everything you look at, every room, places where their things were, the empty closet where their clothes were, etc.. reminds you of them. I know because when she left my apartment during our first break up I could hardly bear to be there alone afterwards. What I'm wondering is how this is all so easy for her? She hates me now and won't even speak to me; it's like someone who did something so horrible to her that she detests. The worst part is I don't eve KNOW why this happened. Oh, and incidentally, there isn't any new guy in her life as of yet. I thought there was, but there isn't. Yeah, there are days that I think I'm doing pretty good, but then it all comes crashing back and I get like a little anxiety attack and feel a tightness in my chest and want sooo bad to contact her, or just go over there and ask her WHY must we do this? But I know I can't. Does anyone else feel this way, or has anyone else felt this way too? Link to comment
adidas7fire Posted September 7, 2003 Share Posted September 7, 2003 i went thru the same exact thing a few weeks back. my bf couldn't give me a logical reason for wanting to break it off.. all he said was "i think someone out there could treat you better.. you're not the right one for me and i'm not right for you" and that was it. but as i took it day by day, yes it was hard at the beginning but then i kept finding out things about him. i just found out this weekend that he was cheating on me with one of my friends (who is no longer a friend) before we broke up and you know what i realized? when we were talking at first, he was with a girl that he'd been with for over 2 years.. and then dumped her and hooked up with me. then he was with me for over 2 years and started talking to this one chick, and then he dumped me. i think it's a pattern and he will be like this until he realizes what he's doing. i don't know why he couldn't have just been honest with me. basically he was only with me because i was like his ATM... we still work together but don't talk at all because he doesn't deserve anything i have to offer. and to my surprise, he was right on a few things... i DID find someone better and that treats me how i should be treated. i can't believe that i let this go for so long and i wish i would have taken the initiative to get rid of him first. he is a loser and i'm sure the person you were with will one day realize just what they had, now that's it's gone. don't worry... there's someone out there for everyone and at times, you may meet that person in the strangest place.... just ask me... i did. take it easy and don't fret over this. it will soon pass and everything will be alright. just take this time for yourself and think about just what you want in a relationship now that this has happened. good luck! Link to comment
room302 Posted September 7, 2003 Share Posted September 7, 2003 yeah i had that happen to me some time back it just hurts. THere is no easy waygo through it it just hurts. You try not to dwell on it but there are dyas when all i can do is sit and think which makes me feel sick plus then you feel like an ass because there going out having a laugh and a party. I cant offer much im afraid i would just say enver talk to each other because it just hurts just cut all ties. well good luck friend Link to comment
adidas7fire Posted September 7, 2003 Share Posted September 7, 2003 yeah, i agree wit room302. you need to not dwell on the past and the "what if's" because that won't make things any easier. don't think it was your fault either.. because it wasn't. you need to move on and do cut all ties with that person.. otehrwise you are going to continue thinking there may be a chance to salvage the relationship and emotionally you will have progressed nowhere. it's not healthy to mope... it will only make you sick. keep a stiff upper lip and do things that you like.. like hobbies or hanging out with friends. talk to people when you want to vent.. i have found that that helps a lot. good luck. Link to comment
bdwiii Posted September 7, 2003 Author Share Posted September 7, 2003 Thanks guys---I know you're both right, I just was wondering if any of you had experiened this and felt the same. Obviously many people have had this happen to them and probably a lot worse. You're so right, it does hurt like hell. You think your relationship is on solid ground, maybe a little shaky at times, but that it's not going to come toppling down around your feet, and then it does out of the blue and your left to sift through the wreckage alone. I just want so bad, well, I feel like I NEED to talk to her one last time; I want to know why she won't even talk to me now and seems to hate me so much. I mean how does it go from making love and telling me how much she adores me and wants to marry me to "go to hell, I never want see or speak to you again." ?? I've written two letters to her explaining my feelings since I moved out on the 16th of last month and of course, I got no replies. I know that the more you chase after someone the more you push them away, but I couldn't help it, I had to write because she wouldn't even talk to me. It leaves you feeling that you were such a terrible person that you didn't even desrve the human compasion of a talk and some kind of explanation. I guess as you said, give it up because I'll never get it and I'll never get her back either. Link to comment
strawberrywine Posted September 7, 2003 Share Posted September 7, 2003 I understand you. Everything reminds me of my ex too. It really sucks. The people who treat us the worst are the ones we always go running after. I can honestly tell you though time does heal all wounds. It's been over a month since my breakup and I feel a LOT better. I didn't think I could live without him. You'll be OK with time. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. In the meantime remind yourself of all the crap she has put you through and try to do things you like to do, that you couldn't as often because of her. Something I LOVE to do when I'm bored is sleep. Can't go wrong with sleep. I hope you're feeling better. Link to comment
ansleynicole Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 i am going through exactly what you are now and I just posted a question today that addresses this samething. It hurts like crap doesnt it. My ex boyfriend acts like nothing ever happened. We were so close and based our relationship on openness and honesty and he could even grant me that when we broke up. He walks around acting like nothing ever happened and acting like he hates me. I still love him dearly and I hope that he will come back because I really don't see a reason for him leaving in the first place...just like you we slept together, he told me he loved me more than anyone else and we also discussed marriage and then he bolted one day. I just dont get it. I dont see how people can love someone so much and see a future with them and then leave them. There was no other girl that he is interested in or anything like that. I have to see him three times a week at church and I sit one row away from him with my family and he acts so weird. Ok, you are a guy why would you do this to a girl? I thought he was doing this to me cause he went through a divorce with a woman who treated him bad and he just got scared. Maybe your ex is scared...I dont know, I wished I could help you more and all I can say is that one day it will be a little easier. It has been two months for me and sometimes I can smile and not think about him but that is not very often. Like you, everything I look at reminds me of him and I wonder if he feels that way about me too but I just dont know...hang in there!!!! Link to comment
caliboy Posted September 8, 2003 Share Posted September 8, 2003 Just dont communicate with her for a few months. it's tough, but if it's meant to be then she'll contact you. you've sent her letters and told her you love her and all that so she knows how you feel. the ball's in her court. people need space after a break up which means no communication. u MUST give her this in order to not push her away even more. if you dont hear from her after a few months, then give her a call just to say hi if you want. as far as her just taking off like that, so many people do it. i think cause they want to avoid a huge confrontation, so they take the weak way out. it's selfish, cause they're only thinking of themselves when they do this, but that's the way a lot of people are. the longer you don't talk to her, the more you'll move on, so that IF you do ever talk to her again, you won't be the heartbroken person that she doesn't want to talk to. she wants to talk to the guy she first met and clicked with. be that person, but be that person for yourself. i've been there and am still kinda there, so i know how much it sucks. but you just have to be strong. good luck bro. Link to comment
chrisk7766 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 Hi everyone, I have a question to all of you that were dumped and didn't see it coming. How do our exes just hurt us so greatly and not even give us the kindness or empathy of at least one last heart-to-heart talk, an explanation of why they did what they did and why? And then just go on with their lives without us, despite that they lived, ate, slept and did most erverything else with us for the past several years, like nothing ever happened? HOW does one do that?? Cause I just can't. Every day there's something to remind me of her, places I go, roads I travel, people I talk to, almost EVERYTHING. Like today, it was a beautiful fall day; the sun was shining it was just the right temperature and all. Well, all I could think about was what is she doing with this lovely day... then.. what would we be doing today if this wouldn't have happened.. etc... Days like these kill me. I just don't know how she can walk away unscathed after I lived there in her apartment with her for a whole year and not feel a thing; it just doesn't seem to bother he in the slightest. I know from my own experience that once the person you were with has lived in your place for a long time and then they leave you, your place is then tainted. It will never be the same as before they were there. Everything you look at, every room, places where their things were, the empty closet where their clothes were, etc.. reminds you of them. I know because when she left my apartment during our first break up I could hardly bear to be there alone afterwards. What I'm wondering is how this is all so easy for her? She hates me now and won't even speak to me; it's like someone who did something so horrible to her that she detests. The worst part is I don't eve KNOW why this happened. Oh, and incidentally, there isn't any new guy in her life as of yet. I thought there was, but there isn't. Yeah, there are days that I think I'm doing pretty good, but then it all comes crashing back and I get like a little anxiety attack and feel a tightness in my chest and want sooo bad to contact her, or just go over there and ask her WHY must we do this? But I know I can't. Does anyone else feel this way, or has anyone else felt this way too? it sucks but you have to let her go , theres someone out there that wants to be part of your life Link to comment
chrisk7766 Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 they have this way of just shutting it off like a light switch, your can only take a deep breath , pull up your big boy pants and move on. many fish in the sea ! youll find someone who wants to be a part of your life....just quit looking for mermaids. Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted October 27, 2016 Share Posted October 27, 2016 they have this way of just shutting it off like a light switch, your can only take a deep breath , pull up your big boy pants and move on. many fish in the sea ! youll find someone who wants to be a part of your life....just quit looking for mermaids. this happened over 13 years agooooo. Link to comment
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