First Love

[Talshy]

So here's the background: me and (for privacy I will call her Bianca) Bianca got together 4 months ago. In the beginning, obviously, it was great. Our first big issue came about when I told my best, and very close, friend (we'll call him Steven) about me and Bianca having sex. I didn't think it would be a problem at first. Personally, I think if your ready to have sex, you should be ready to have atleast some significant people know about it. I ended up feeling really terrible about it, and we very quickly got over it.

 

Our next major issue comes up when, when Bianca and Steven we're sitting alone together at lunch, Steven asked Bianca how her weekend was. She replied that she just did alot of homework and then Steven allegedly mumbled under his breathe: "and alot of sex" (or something to that effect). This got her even more angry than the initial incident and she broke up with me. But, after much drama, we got back together. I'll have to note that this second incident was not because I talked to Steven again about our personal life. He had asked me how my weekend was in the morning, and I told him that I had just hung out with Bianca the whole weekend. That's it.

 

This sets the stage for the final incident. Bianca was talking to one of Steven's good friends about a time that Steven was listing "all the girls he would F-bomb"(to be precise). He told her that Steven had even mentioned her, and said that "he would F-bomb her, but he would go out with her because she's annoying". FYI, this (Steven listing these girls) happened atleast 5 months previously. Then, Bianca gets home from school and tells me that "she thinks we should take a break until Steven is out of the picture". I wasn't shocked, but it was still really out of the blue at the time and I was devastated. She told me about what Steven had done. My first response to try and explain to her that Steven probably didn't mean it like that. Knowing how guy's can talk when they're together, I knew that had to be case. When I finally confronted Steven about this, he says that now what he said sounds aweful, but at the time he was really just saying that these girls were pretty and that's just the way he talks with his good friend. After that, she said I was trying defend him and got violently angry.

 

I can't help think that she's picking her feelings towards Steven over her feelings towards me. I personally think she is being immature about the situation considering that our relationship beforehand was very serious and close. Now I really don't know if I want to fight for, or go back to a relationship like this, especially after seeing the way she got when she was that angry (which involved screaming, physical threats, wishing death on Steven and I, and very personal, immature insults among other things). She's basically, and even said in her own words, that she is breaking up with me because of him. Personally, I would never do that and I think it's immature and selfish, especially considering this friend is, despite her experiences, a really good guy. I know, even if I absolutely hated one of her really close friends for legitimate reasons, I would suck it up and deal with it because it's really not that big of a deal. And, because of that, I'm really having a hard time empathising.

 

Am I being a total insensitive jerk, or is she being immature and overly-sensitive? Does anyone have any advice?

 

PS. I love this girl, and also, Steven is a very important friend.

[shikashika]

Well I think Steven was a bit silly for mentioning that to her in the first place!!!!

 

What one earth possessed him to do that?

 

If you were all really close friends.. maybe... but it seems quite odd or insensitive on HIS part that he would do that

[Talshy]

He says that he doesn't remember saying anything about sex. For all I know he didn't, and must have just mentioned something under his breath about me and her hanging out all weekend, which I told him we did a couple hours beforehand. It's possible Bianca thinks she heard this because she remembers him saying something like that when I first told him about us getting physical, as in he could have said anything, but because of past experiences, she hears something about sex. I don't know.

[shikashika]

Well.. we only know one side of things... yours!

 

But to me it sounds like she is being immature..or she could just not be that into it... and is using it as an excuse to be on a 'break'

 

If it really is about what Steven said.. I think she is totally overreacting..BUT don't tell her that!!! she will only get defensive and blame you for telling him.

 

Has Steven said anything to her since? Maybe he could tell her "I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you.. Talshy is a good friend of mine and I hope we can all be friends"

[Blackhawk2009]

if u really love her then u can find a way to get her back...idk say u will deal with her friends if she can deal with yours. Find some mutual ground, friends shouldnt be getting in the way

[rothman]

Seems like there are three people in this relationship. A real man doensn't need to tell everyone that he's having sex. Keep that in mind, my friend. Get Stephen out of the picture if you want success in this relationship.