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Hi everyone, I've been in NC since last Friday, 10 days now (except for a few necessary e-mails dealing with me living in his apartment).

 

he is back on the dating site where we met and on another not even a week after our break-up. I am devastated beyond belief. He told me he would not get into a relationship or date for a long time b/c he needed to focus on his career dreams, securing financial issues, etc and did not want to do this again to another girl...because he loved and cared for me so deeply. He consoled me for so long. I just can't understand how he can just do this when he knows we met on the site and i would be using it too. He e-mailed last week letting me know he was in pain and having a HARD time and is usually so resilient-but i e-mailed and told him i couldn't be but that i wished him luck, etc...very light.

 

I want to contact him, to be with him again. I see him online and it drives me crazy. I deleted all of his e-mails, letters, gifts, photos, phone # from my phone...yet, seeing him online everyday looking for another relationship is a constant reminder...and knowing the reality that he did have the time for relationship...work was an excuse that he used for months. he just didn't want to be with me.

 

I am living in his apt. right now for the next month (he lives in his own home), and i was wondering if it is ok to send this? he did ask me to stay in touch re: the apartment, and if i ever needed anything (but of course, those are just lines). He told me he was in PAIN and wa HURT and finding it difficult to concentrate and thought he would be resilient and that he would LOVE for me to be in his life. I replied that I couldn;t be his friend and that I wish him luck. two days later, he's on the site.

 

I really want to mention to him the fact that I saw him online and how hurt I am about this when he lied to me and said he couldn't be in a relationship b/c of his career. but i know that will be bad. But is there a way to word it so I can get an answer and some closure. I feel that there was none. I want to say more than this, but I don't think it's good. please help. i just want him back in my life. it hurts too much. PS. he is not the type to try and get me jealous or lie or cheat, etc...he's been nothing but honest with me, but now I don't understand this.

 

Dear you,

 

I know we’re not really on speaking terms, but I have a favor to ask you and I will understand if you say no. but I don’t know who better to ask and I figured you will be at the apt. on Wed. eve.

 

I don’t want you to think that I am angry with you b/c I don’t wish to be friends, it’s just that I need time to heal from the relationship; being friends would prevent that. But I want you to know that I appreciate your help with everything. Yes, it is a little painful that both of us are beginning a new chapter in our lives and looking once again for that person with whom we are ultimately compatible.

 

Anyways, back to the original reason for the e-mail. I purchased my computer at CC and I haven’t been able to get onto the internet. The guy from CC assured me that the wireless adapter card is compatible, but I am not so sure.

 

I followed the instructions, installed the driver, then opened the computer to install the PCI-I think I did it correctly, and when I turn the computer on, I can’t find the driver anywhere. Well, I tried to reinstall the driver, but it says that the driver already exists and I have to uninstall before installing again. I did an entire computer search for the driver to no avail. I’m not sure what’s wrong. Can you offer some suggestions? Also, if you could help set up the computer with some of the programs you have, that would be so helpful. I just thought I’d ask. Thanks so much.

 

best,

me

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I don't honestly see why you can't ask him outright, in a nice way, if it will help you get some closure. You say he's been honest with you up until this, and the two of you appear to be on relatively good terms still insofar as it's possible with limited contact after a breakup. Why not simply say something like

 

I was online the other day, and I noticed that you were back on the dating site where we met, and you seem to be looking for another relationship. Of course, I wish you the very best with this, and there is no reason that you shouldn't, but I'm confused, given that you said our relationship ended because you needed to focus on your career and financial security, and weren't interested in another relationship. Please, for my own peace of mind, for the memory all the that we shared together, tell me the real reason for ending our relationship, and then we need talk no more about it.

 

Of course, if you really do ask him, you must be emotionally prepared to hear the truth. I daresay he gave you the career line to spare your feelings; are you sure you don't want them spared?

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thanks. i know the real reason. there were a multitude of reasons we couldn't work. we tried so hard. I was insecure and pushed too much for the future. We jumped headfirst into the relationship, he told me he wanted to marry me, so of course, he was very excited and new to this. the perfection at the beginning was bliss, but not reality. I was swept away and finally thought this was it. until this day, i think he's good for me. But there are many things i needed to work on. I became scared and started to push him away. so I pushed him to do so. He kept trying to make it work. unfortunately,i became too dependent on him. but this is not me. the pain of losing him made me push until the wall was too high to climb. i lost his mind, not his heart. our passion is ever so great and our compassion/intense connection ever so deep. He was trying to fulfill his dreams, and sometimes i was supportive, other times too demanding. I wish i could take all of these back, but when i realized it was too late. his head was already made upm, but couldn't tell me.

 

I don't want to accept this, esp. when he has been 100% truthful (to the point of being too truthful). I'm not sure if we're compatible b/c I couldn't give us time to see and I don't even know what I want. he is determinded to fulfill his dreams, and i became selfish. i wish he knew that I could change. But it's too late. i know he cares so deeply for me too. I feel it and i see it in his eyes. He wishes he could take my pain away. but my pain is his and he couldn't take it any longer. and I guess I'm the one really who shouldn't be in a relationship until i'm healed. But I just can't believe i let something so good for me go. or perhaps it was just not meant to be. he knows my feelings, but I'm surprised he would do something to cause me further pain. he is not the type. he would travel 5,000 miles to save a puppy. he would return a nickel if he was given back the additional change. this is not hsi moral character, so I am just confused and it's making me hurt ever so much more.

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