Slightly confused

[munchies]

I will try to keep this short.

 

I am a guy in mid20s very inexperienced when it comes to girls

Been meeting up with this girl (older than me and much more worldly wise) for nearly 2 months now.

Told her a few times I liked her but did not have courage to kiss her but finally this weekend kissed and cuddled her. Then she says to me what was so difficult about that, what took me so long, etc. So I say well why did you not try and kiss me, she replies that it was good for me to have to do it, do me good for the future. I was a bit baffled for this. Does she mean she is just having fun with me and trying to get me to be more confident? I thought she liked me, god she even cooked dinner for me!

 

So we did end up in bed together just hugging and kissing and it was great but cant help thinking back to that first comment, is that kind of a normal thing for a girl to say?

 

Am I reading too much into this?

Also is it approproiate to ask her to be my girlfriend? We have been seeing each other for a couple of months at least once a week.

[arwen]

Hey munchies,

 

I totally see your confusion here! I think that it might be just to make you more confident though. I am my bf's first girlfriend (he's 31, I am almost 27). He confessed his feelings to me by email (we were friend and housemates for 2 years at that point!), and although I told him I wanted to see where it could go (as more than friends), it took a long while for him to take action so to say. It was shyness. However, I would never say things like 'oh, that will be handy for you in the future'. I mean, he's MINE!!

 

So yeah. I think you may want to address this to her. Just ask her why she said that in that way, and that you certainly don't see her as 'practice' material or anything like that. It may be uncertainty from her side, you know? But on the other hand, if it's just a bit of fun for her, you want to know sooner rather than later.

 

Take care,

 

Arwen

[munchies]

thanks for reply arwen.

 

I did say something to the effect of "oh so this is to help me with future girls" soon after she said it, then she says no thats not what I meant. Can't see what would be in it for her though. I will admit I have been a bit of hard work for her. I can't understand why she would put in the time if she did not like me. But perhaps she has nothing better to do (when we meet it is for a lot longer than a couple of hours whether it be walking or watching dvd) or she sees it as a kind of challenge

 

She is not really one to talk about how she feels, kind of tried it before when I was trying to develop the courage to kiss her!

[arwen]

It may mean that it will be of use for the future with YOU, you know. Especially if she said that she didn't mean it like that. I guess only time will tell how much she is into it. I doubt that she is just playing around, I mean she is older than you and I think MOST girls are looking for a serious commitment at that time (around 27-30 I assume?). But of course, I cannot generalize that, you will just have to persue the relationship and see where it goes. Be careful of your heart, but not too careful. Starting relationships is ALWAYS taking a risk of the possibility that it may not work out. But we learn from all those experiences!

 

Arwen

[munchies]

Yes maybe even if she is just wanting a bit of fun that may benefit me in the long run, maybe not short term when it ends. Might make me more experienced which would be a bonus. Although I would say I do like this girl and I would like to grow with her so to speak but god knows.

 

Need to be careful not to get too attached.

[Locke2121]

She was bringing you out of your shell dude...sounds like you snagged a good one! Don't let go.

[munchies]

Thanks Loche2121, I so wish this is true. The problem from my point of view is that it all seems too good to be true. She is really not far off what I would say is my ideal girl, and she is really what I need. And to a certain extent I may just be what she needs to as we are quite different.

 

Maybe I am trying to hard to find the catch.

[wayner427]

I think she may have said that becuase it will help your pride to know that you were the one to initiate the first kiss. For the first kiss, you would rather be the one to initiate than her right?

 

As for asking her to be your girlfriend, I say go for it. From what you've said, it seems like that's where it's heading.

[Dating Coach]

You should have the confidence to make the move without asking for permission or waiting for her. I think she wants you to do that in the future.