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I am baffled


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I am 31 years old and haven't had any healthy relationship yet. Well for that matter, I haven't even had many relationship, just a couple in last 5 years.


One of the girls ended up taking my advantage financially, and the other one was emotionally unstable and had many many problems. I felt compelled to stay in that relationship for her and because I didn't have the guts to quit. Anyhow, I finally managed to get out about 6 months ago.


Ever since, I haven't been able to make a good connection at all (not that my previous relationships were a good connection), but I am totally baffled by this.


I don't have inferiority complex, I love myself, I believe that I am a great person and know that there is so much I can offer in a relationship. I have a great job, my finances are stable, have a healthy lifestyle, take good care of myself, am fit, good looking. In the nutshell, I see no reason why no one is attracted to me. I would totally date myself.


I have tried online personals, I have tried CL, this has resulted in sporadic dates here and there and no second dates, either the women were too scary or they were turned off by me. No more than 10% of communications with people resulted in actual dates. Some were quite receptive until they found out that I am not from here. (I was born and brought up in another part of the world). Although I am not sure if thats the reason women immediately back off.


I thought people were more open minded here. It's just so hard to not have someone to love, and it keeps getting worse every day. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my life, I go out with friends often, I love to cook for them, we go out on the town on weekends, I am seriously into cycling and have many other varied interests and hobbies. But there is this void in my life that hurts so much.


I don't know how long am I going to have to wait. This should not be this difficult. Even the most incapable (in all ways) guys have girlfriends or at least dates. All of my friends here have significant others. Most of my friends back home are either married or with someone. I feel so left out.


I tried asking a friend of mine to set me up with this girl she's friends with. She did not show much interest, just said that girl is flaky and that she (my friend) needs to manage her life first. I was like wow. I never ask people things like this and then I get this kind of responses.


Anyways, I am done ranting now. Feel a little better. Love is not meant for everyone, I guess I am one of the unlucky ones.

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From the sounds of it there is no reason why you would be considered anything other than a good catch.


If you are focussing on the online scene, I personally think that is very hit and miss and to me tends to suit the person who is willing to go on lots of dates in the hope that eventually they will go on the right one.


To me you sound like you would stand out from teh crowd far more in real life than you would online.


With your friends being mostly coupled up that also makes it difficult to meet a lot of single people through them. So maybe you need to look at expanding your social range and getting involved in something that makes you meet more single people in your age group.


I think you have to get proactive about it. Sometimes I think the whole "online" thing can be a bit lazy and we can use it to justify in our heads thatw e are getting opportunities when in reality all we are doing is sitting at a keyboard.

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Don't give up hope. I agree with melrich about expanding your social range.


You sound exactly like my sister - she is sort of in the same boat as you. There are so many ppl out there who are alone and looking for someone but don't do anything about it...so get out there, try to meet new ppl. You know you are a good catch so no worries! it's not like its over for you or anything...there is still lots of good ones out there. good luck

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Thank you melrich and emma for your kind words.


Any specific advice on how to expand social/friend circle?


One of the problems is I come out as introvert, because I don't open up quickly. If someone gave me a chance, they'd get to know me exactly the way I see myself. Currently my social circles include:


1. At work - All age groups (most potential for finding singles through)

2. Friends through roommates (very restricted)

3. cycling club (mostly middle aged people)

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