I think...

[janeok]

my ex is dating someone else. I don't know for sure, but I finally talked to his roommate (a good friend of mine who I met my ex through) this past weekend. My ex's roommate and I were trying to plan to get together for a drink because he and I have not seen eachother since the ex and I broke up.

 

One of the first things the roommate says to me is that " the ex wants to tell me hi and that he hopes my knee gets better." Although this is all good and nice. And obviously the ex wishes me well. I just didn't know how to respond. I actually didn't even want to hear this because it just made me feel uncomfortable and sad. Then the roommate invited me out Friday night and told me that the ex might be there. He asked me "if I was okay with the ex being at the same place." And I told him, "probably not because I still miss him and

a. would feel sad if the ex acted differently toward me because we are no longer together and

b. if the ex was there with another girl or hitting on another girl."

 

I then told the roommate that "I might go but that he has to let me know if the ex would be there with another girl." The roommate then said to me "Yes Jane, I will let you know so that you have a heads up."

 

(Aha...does this mean the ex is with another? Probably.)

 

Needless to say, I didn't even call the roommate back that night. Of course I knew that by going it would torture me to see the ex. The roommate and I tried to make plans last night too, but they fell through. I do want to see the roommate because he is my friend, but at the same time I feel so sad again and don't know if I am ready to see him because it just reminds me of the ex.

 

I try to tell myself that this is whole situation is "not about me." I try and tell myself that "just because people move on and date others, it doesn't mean that they are better than me." It just hurts so much to think that the ex is courting someone else. I hate that we run in the same circles. I wish I could just leave this place for a while and come back fresh when I am healed...

 

I just can't stop crying...

[Dako]

You need less news about the ex right now. You need to avoid his friends and do the NC routine as much as possible. Some of your friends will understand your silence for a while.

You need to actively stay away from the subject.

You'll eventually get past this.

[Meow18]

I agree with Dako.

 

You might think you want to hear about your ex and hear if he is seeing someone else, but really, it will hurt you so much to hear little things about him.

 

And really, he NEVER said anything about your ex seeing someone else, but you jumped to this conclusion and are so hurt over what you assume.

 

And honestly, in your situation that's only normal. But do not ask about your ex. Don't let someone tell you anything about your ex. If you want to see his roomate and still talk to him, then you need to tell him that you can't handle hearing anything about your ex right now. If he is a good friend he will understand.

 

Really, it will help you get over him.

[janeok]

you are both right. It kills me to hear things about my ex. I hate it. I think I am going to disappear again for awhile. I thought more than a month would be a sufficient amount of time to stay away, but now I realize that I need more time. I just want the pain to subside already...

[Meow18]

you are both right. It kills me to hear things about my ex. I hate it. I think I am going to disappear again for awhile. I thought more than a month would be a sufficient amount of time to stay away, but now I realize that I need more time. I just want the pain to subside already...

 

Take as much time as you need. There is no normal length of time.

 

The only problem is that just through this experience, you have taken a huge step back in your healing process. It's so important that you do not put yourself in positions where you can easily hear stories about your ex or see your ex.

[Steve316]

I am definitely hoping to get to a point where I am over the ex before I hear any stories of her dating anyone else. Right now, that's the ONE thing that could make me feel worse than I already do, and NC is the only way to avoid it I would say. Unfortunately these things tend to get back to you anyway but it is best avoided until you no longer care (in that way).