She wants to see me too much

[Q-ball]

Hey everybody,

 

My ex is home for spring break, called me thursday to tell me she was coming, missed her call, called me Friday when she got home, she wanted to just stay in and hang out with me. I had friends over at the time so I couldn't. Had coffee with her the next day, it took her about an 2 hours to get ready, she looked really good, she told me that she's having anxiety problems, can't sleep, worried about graduation and what she's going to be doing in the future. She came over after coffee, watched a movie with me. I love her so much, it felt so good to see her.

 

this was my last post

 

 

 

if you don't want to read that, the story is, I broke up with her in the summer because I wanted to experience being single, we stayed close, very close, in the fall I tried to get her back, she kept saying she couldn't be in a relationship right now, but she kept hanging out with me, and eventually we were just like a couple. She broke down about a month ago, I had gone to see her at her school, said that there was no more passion between us, and that we have to stop this.

 

So what is she doing, I want her back, but I won't beg for her anymore, I did that for 6 months. I want to tell her that we shouldn't see or talk to eachother for a good while, just because I feel like it is bringing me back to day 1 of the breakup, but I miss her and love seeing her, and we always have fun together. I'm also scared that she needs me right now, I don't want to abandon her when she's having these anxiety problems.

 

I would appreciate any advice from anyone on this, thank you

[Ericson]

Quite frankly, when you innitiated the first break-up you basically said "Hey, I want to see what else is out there."

 

Im also very surprised she didn't mind staying close to you while you made this kind of decision. Honestly, you're getting what you deserve. If the relationship was great, and everything was going fine but, you choose to break-up with her, then she's probably still hurt about it. But honestly, you should keep begging, there's no excuse for what you did, and best of wishes.

[MushroomGod]

Quite frankly, when you innitiated the first break-up you basically said "Hey, I want to see what else is out there."

 

Im also very surprised she didn't mind staying close to you while you made this kind of decision. Honestly, you're getting what you deserve. If the relationship was great, and everything was going fine but, you choose to break-up with her, then she's probably still hurt about it. But honestly, you should keep begging, there's no excuse for what you did, and best of wishes.

 

Great advice.

 

I don't know what I'd do. Ask if she wants you back and if not go NC and get over her for good. That's the best I can think of. You probably shouldn't have broken up with her in the first place. That might have been the end for good I hate to say.

[arwen]

Hey Q-ball,

 

I think that if you really want her back, you should be explicit and clear to her. I think that I'd have doubts too, if I were her. I wouldn't want to be with someone who can't decide whether they want to be with me or have a single life as well. So if it's clear from there on that there is really NO hope for the two of you, then I think you should tell her that you can't be friends the way you are now. If anything, that will 'prove' to her how serious you are.

 

I think you can imagine that she isn't to eager to get all committed again, how would you feel if the reverse was the case? It's the kind of unconditional faith in a relationship that gets broken after a break up, and it's really hard to heal from that.

 

Take care and I hope things work out for you,

 

Arwen

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think you have to tell her straight up that you want her back, and see what she says, no begging... if she is trying to hang onto you as a security blanket for her own anxiety, but at the same times says there is no passion and she wants to be 'friends', then what she needs to do is see a counselor to deal with her anxiety issues, not hang onto you like a childhood teddy bear.

 

at this point, it sounds like the bond that holds you together is NOT healthy.. you are not responsible for her emotional wellbeing nor being there for her like a boyfriend would, becuase she has told you she doesn't want you as a boyfriend. so she can't have it both ways, and it seems it is stopping you from moving on too...

 

so have a good long talk with her to get out everything you want to say, and if she still rejects her you as a boyfriend, then tell her that you think it best for you to both move on, and if she is having anxiety problems, then she should be going to a doctor to get that treated. Her other anxiety problems have nothing to do with you, and she needs to no longer rely on you for constant support as if you were her boyfriend, when you are not.

[Q-ball]

Thanks everybody, she called me again last night, and wanted ot come over to watch the Oscars. We ended up cuddling and hugging, she would roll over and face me and hug me real tight. She let me touch her all over and kiss her neck and I could tell she was getting turned on, but she wouldn't let me kiss her on the lips. She said she was scared to. It's starting to seem exactly what it was like in the fall. She gives me all these signs and then she makes me feel like I'm pressuring her when I react to them. What the * * * *? I'm going to have to have a good talk with her tonight and be firm with her. It's just soo hard because all I want to do is be with her and kiss her.

[need2bme]

Q: Same thing here. My ex spent some time with me and even though we ended up messing around, she wouldn't let me kiss her on the mouth. I thought that was strange, but I guess other woman have felt that way too. I think that it is a very personal thing. Maybe they can separate the touching from the feelings, but kissing someone on the mouth and looking them in the eyes is an intimate thing.

 

My advice is to decide to accept the things you can. you cannot change her right now, so you must decide what is good for you and what you can/cannot accept.

 

Good luck.

[arwen]

Hey Q-ball,

 

Well, one of you needs to take the step and be completely upfront. Seeing that you are this confused by the signals she sends out, I think it's right that you talk to her today. I hope things will work out for you. It seems she still has feelings, but I can imagine her being somewhat cautious. I have been in her situation, and I must honestly say that I regret getting back together with someone who broke up with me to be 'free'. That need not be the case in your situation, I cannot look in your heart. But I think that she is aware of the risk of investing again in this relationship; she may be scared to lose it all again.

 

Take care,

 

Arwen

[Q-ball]

Thanks again, I didn't get a chance to talk to her last night, but I'm going to tonight. I'm going to tell her how much I love her and apologize for breaking the trust and try my best to convince her how serious I actually am this time. I already have done this a while back, but maybe it wasn't enough for her to just hear it once, I'll tell her exactly how I feel and and tell her that if she is not willing to give me another chance then she has to let go of me completely. I think this time that we spend in the grey area is tainting our chances of a relationship both as friends and a couple.

[Q-ball]

Hey everybody, incase anybody wants to know. I talked to her last night. I had her over, and the same things started happening. Cuddling, hugging tight, she told me she missed me. I kissed her, but she kind of didn't kiss back, so then I said I wish I could understand you. Then we had our talk. I told her that I love her so much and that I wanted her back more than anything in the world. I said I hate pressuring you, but I told you before that I cannot do this half a relationship stuff anymore. She said she knows, and that she can't do it either and that we can't just be friends and that leaves only 2 more options for us, get back together or stay away from eachother. She said that she can't stay away from me. So after my desparate attempt, she said ok. She wants to take things slow, and start things off like we are dating again, said we shouldn't have sex right away. I told her that I wouldn't let her have sex with me for atleast a month or two, she was kinda shocked but I could tell she liked the idea. I'm so happy but I'm not popping the cork yet. I'm going to wait until I know she's happy and see her smiling more.

 

Does anybody have any advice for this stage? Thank you so much everyone.

[need2bme]

Here is my advice, "treat it like it IS dating". Also, leave her alone. Do NOT call her all the time. Remember it is not about being RIGHT or WORRYING. It is about love and making her feel loved. RIGHT?

 

You can do this. Congratulations!! I think.