Need desperate advice....

[distancesucks]

My boyfriend and I met in high in Grade 11. We liked eachother but at the time, we decided that we should not date because it didn't seem right at the time. We were bestfriends for a long time though. In our senior year, we finally decided it was the time so we started to date.

 

 

Our relationship ever since the beginning was hard. We would fight over the little things. (99% of the time, it would be me to create these fights and pick at the small things). My boyfriend has endured a lot during the time we lived in the same city. I use to be very cruel to him..... I'd get mad, then he would run over to my house at midnight and stand out in the cold for hours until I would let him in. And when I get mad, I would slap and scratch him.... I was a very jealous person.. I would be mad at every girl he talked to and then I would make him hate that girl. This happened very often. Every week we would a big fight. Every other day, we'd be mad at eachother. I was very immature at the time.............

 

We've been together for 14 months now. In September '06, we left to study in the University of Waterloo (Ontario) and I left to study in Simon Fraser University (B.C.) (Opposite ends of Canada!!!!!)

 

 

Our LDR at the start was great. We've been long distance for 6 months now. We felt connected and it felt so great to achieve something. We fought less often but once in a while, my old habits would kick in and I would pick a fight over a small thing.

 

After a while, we started to see little flaws in eachother that we both found hard to accept. During this past few weeks, we have been arguing lots. Just like the old times. I would find it hard to control my temper and anger. I would ridiculously get mad over the little things. It's been a long, long time since I've been jealous over someone else. I think that's one of the things I've been doing well so far. But, I still pick fights. I don't know what's wrong with me. And it's not even picking fights, I interrogate him until he gets mad and even causing him to break down and cry sometimes.

 

 

I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to be a loving person. I never use to be like this. WIth all my exs in the past, with how I treat others, I am never cruel nor do I hold grudges. I was never such a jealous person before I met him. He treats me very well. Sooo well that I feel so guilty sometimes with the way I treat him and hurt him.

 

We see eachother every 2-3 months when he comes to visit. We always have a great time when he visits and we both enjoy eachother's company very much.

 

Please, I want to save myself, and save this relationship. I love him so much and I'm not ready to call it quits. But I've turned into such a monster. I've decided to see a professional counsellor at least once a week from now on to help deal with my anger issues and relationship problems.

 

Please, if anyone has any sort of advice, please offer it.

 

And I'm desperate of any happily-ending stories of LDRs.... If your LDR was successful, please tell me about it. I want to hear of good stories about them.. Because I really think I need more hope. Some times it feels like this relationship is going no where and I keep questioning if its worth it or not.

 

Please offer anything. Thanks.

[friscodj]

Welcome to ENA distancesucks, great to have you here...

 

It sounds to me like the best thing you can do for yourself, whether or not this relationship works out, is to address your abusive tendencies you exhibited towards him in your relationship. There is absolutely no good reason to do to him what you did, the standing outside in the cold, slapping and scratching him, there is simply no reason for it. I think these are indicators of deeper issues you may not realize at this point which will preclude a healthy relationship with anyone. Likely, these types of behaviors stem from past family issues.

 

At any rate, you are in school now and have access to free or low-cost counseling. I strongly suggest you look into this, even if for one session, talk about some of the things you did, and see what the professional has to say.

 

You say you don't know what's wrong with you and it is the right time now to figure this out. Help yourself first, dig into this yourself and with the help of a good counselor, and I think help for the relationship will follow from that. And come or go with the relationship, you are making a priceless investment in yourself and your future for healthier relationships with other people and with yourself.