Need help on a few topics

[MFLuder]

Since this is my first post, let me start out by telling you a bit about myself. I have been married for a little over 6 years and have 3 young children. My wife and I met online 7 years ago.

 

Now, on to the things I need some help with...

 

My wife was adopted by her grandparents when she was a young child and was given everything she ever wanted. She always got her own way and never had to work for a thing. My life was totally different. I grew up in a single parent household where money was tight. My wife is now living that kind of life with me and our children. I am currently out of work, for reasons I will explain in a bit, and with 3 children the little money we have coming in doesn't last long.

 

Just this morning we had a fight about money. Just a couple weeks ago we got our tax return and a settlement check for my wife and daughter getting hit by a car late last year(both are fine). Since getting this money, my wife has gone on a shopping spree. She told me a few days ago that the remaining money in the bank could not be touched, but she was able to get some money out last night for us to go out with a few friends. It is close to the end of the month and we are running low on food. Thanks to family we will make it the rest of the month, but we should not be in this situation.

 

I am totally controlled in this relationship. Nothing happens unless she says so. The reason that I am out of work is because I had to take a leave due to her having to go out of state for a family emergency. I could have got my job back when she returned but she decided that she wanted to work while I stay home with the kids. Since that time, she has gone on one interview and I've turned down 2 jobs.

 

Another thing that is causing a strain in our relationship is our kids. The walk all over us and there seems to be nothing we can do about it. They've destroyed every place we've lived in, including where we are now. There just seems to be no stopping them.

 

The final thing that is hurting us is our sex life. For those of you who are married, you know that IS an important part of a marriage. For the first few years we were together, it was great. But lately she has become so selfish. I try to talk to her but it just turns into a big fight.

 

I don't know what to do about any of this. I don't want to leave her, I do love her. I just don't know where to turn.

[Blizzard]

If there is one thing I have learnt over this last year, it is that you need to communicate and pull together. Without this your going on a downward spiral.

 

Your kids are the parents and you two are the kids. Your at home with them, and you're in control. They need routine, discipline, and the voice of authority. The only way to do this is set guidelines for the kids, but your wife has to be on the same wavelength to do this.

 

Have you told her how you feel? You must.

 

Blizzard x

[BeStrongBeHappy]

she sounds like she was very spoiled and indulged and doesn't want to deal with any form of reality intruding on her life... that is really nuts to be spending money when neither of you have a job, unless she is absolutely certain her parents will bail her out.

 

and the kids are just behaving the way kids do if they are being raised by a child themselves (your wife).. she has no discipline, and she is passing that on to your kids.

 

you need to sit her down now and discuss how you will get your life together back on track... SOMEONE needs a job, and your kids need support and parents who parent them, not hang out with them.

 

my suggestion would be for you to get a job and tell her that if she gets a better job you might consider staying home with them, but it sounds like she is immature enough to take a job then quit it if she wasn't happy every moment.

 

as soon as you have a job and insurance, i suggest you insist on marriage counseling with her to try to get your marriage and life back on track.

[ghost69]

sounds like she is running all over you. have you always let her get her way? you need to quit being so passive and make a stand to her and explain what needs to change.

 

.........................................................................................................................................................................................