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Clearing up the tension

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For those who dont know what Im going through heres the post:




I have noticed since I found out the ex paid a visit, there seems to be this big pink elephant with us at all times. It's like we know we have a lot on our minds about the situation.


It feels tense, I wanted to ask for ways to at least clear the tension, we have talked about the situation endleslly, there is really nothing new to say, but I think it kind of drained us.


I just want to clear that tension up, I mean we already talked about it, we already agreed what we are going to do, still we have always had an excelent flow to our relationship, that now seems kind of stuck. I know it will probably take some time, but I just want to start the process of being nornal again.




This has been going on since tuesday, we have seen a LOT of each other these days, so if anyone could help me on how can I steer things back to how they were I would apreciate it.

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First let me say how sorry I am you lost your babies.

Everything you've written about how you feel and how hard all of this is, makes complete sense. I would feel the same way if I were in your position.


Truthfully, I think you need to go talk to someone. Your situation is serious and it is important you get yourself to a place where you are comfortable and not feeling threatened. This will be something you may have to do on your own - only coming to your man for emotional support/comfort, since it is really not something he can fix for you.


Finding someone will take time - call or ask someone to recommend a therapist.

If you are not wanting to do this - still think it over this next week.

Research therapists and types of therapy on the Internet - go to your local section and see what's out there.

In the meantime, consider an online journal - - this is an integral part of therapy - allowing you to express yourself every day, something you need. Use your journal to talk about yourself - not just the situation at hand. Part of getting away from anxiety and pressure is choosing to do it by thinking about other things.

I think you could use a good dose of "getting to know yourself" again.


I think if you start taking really good care of yourself (pay more attention to yourself, express yourself every day, healthy habits like eating well and excersise) you should be feeling better in the next month. Just remember it's a commitment you have to make to yourself - otherwise you will stop after a few days.


And, as always, come back and ask for support as we are always here for you.

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Thank you so much for your understanding, I think you are one of few who have told me they understand why I feel like this, most people dont get it, they brush the situation as no big deal, well it is a big deal to me. Its not like I choose to feel like this.


I have given the whole therapy thing a lot of thought, but it ends there, I think Im afraid, Im afraid of someone telling me this is not going to change, that I will feel like this forever if I stay with him. Im afraid they will tell me Im a hopeless case. I ve tried on my own to get beter, with as you can see no success at all.



I started the whole eating better thing a few days ago and it does help a bit, I want to get better I hate feeling like this, this is not me.



You are absolutely correct when you say I havr to commit myself to get better, because ive ben doing it half ***** and I always go back to square one. So I have madea promise to myself to call a doctor on mondayand make an app.


Ill post about it, and thank you again honey

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So glad to hear this.

How brave you are - thank you for posting.


You mention being afraid of therapy.

I'll tell you something - I've been with my therapist for decades now. And I still am afraid at times to go see her. Because she knows what she's talking about and I know once I see her, I have to cut any denial I'm in and be accountable.

And no one looks forward to that, right?


But you know - I realize with all my troubles, she is my partner in crime when it comes to me being even halfway funtional now.

I think therapy is a gift from the gods.

And, your not alone, I have great advice, but it's still just not giving up on being healthy that keeps me ok. I screw up like everyone else, but the difference between the past and now, is that I know I will never give up.

I'll keep trying until the day I die.


Ok girly - it's Monday - so I hope you made that call...but even if you are having second thoughts, give us a post and tell us how you are doing.

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