Girlfriend is horny all the time...but she says she's waiting for marriage

[HyruleGuardian]

My girlfriend always says how she's horny all the time, but we talked and I said I'd like to wait for marriage or until we both feel ready, and she agreed. But I really don't feel like she wants that. She isn't a virgin and I am. She hasn't had sex in over a year, and tells me how hard it is not to. She's turned her life around and doesn't want to screw up again, and doesn't want to risk pregnancy again. Is there anything we can do that isn't actually intercourse to satisfy ourselves?

 

And also, what's some advice you would give for me if/when we do actually have sex? I just don't want to mess up.

[emma34]

Oral sex or manual stimulation to get each other off.

 

what do you mean - until you are both ready?

 

the thing about your situation is...don't let it happen on impulse. but if u take the precautions, like birth control pills for her, using a condom, possibly her getting an STD check, then you should be fine.

 

i also don't know what you mean by ' screwing it up '. I don't know who old she is, but personally I think you are at a mature enough age to know whether or not you are ready to have sex. How old is she?

[HyruleGuardian]

Oral sex or manual stimulation to get each other off.

 

what do you mean - until you are both ready?

 

the thing about your situation is...don't let it happen on impulse. but if u take the precautions, like birth control pills for her, using a condom, possibly her getting an STD check, then you should be fine.

 

i also don't know what you mean by ' screwing it up '. I don't know who old she is, but personally I think you are at a mature enough age to know whether or not you are ready to have sex. How old is she?

 

 

When I say we're both ready I mean we know it's something we actually want to do and won't regret it later on. At this point, I'm just not ready for it. I'm not going to do it on impulse. I have to be sure.

 

I'm 18 and she's 17. She'll be 18 in a couple months. I'm just inexperienced with it all and want some general advice on having sex for the first time.

[emma34]

hmm...having sex for the first time. i think most ppl will tell you that their first time wasn't fantastic or anything. it's something you become good at.

 

when you two do decide to have sex, it will get better with time. she can guide you since she has already done it - and through experience you will get to know each others bodies and pleasure points and things like that.

 

My advice is to not get too stressed or anxious about it - it's supposed to be fun. When you're ready, just let it happen and take it slow.

[Caterina]

Just have some discipline. Go on group dates and stay away from private places like bedrooms and living rooms where no one is with you.

[quietgrl]

Just have some discipline. Go on group dates and stay away from private places like bedrooms and living rooms where no one is with you.

 

Very good advice caterina

[friscodj]

My girlfriend always says how she's horny all the time, but we talked and I said I'd like to wait for marriage or until we both feel ready, and she agreed. But I really don't feel like she wants that. She isn't a virgin and I am. She hasn't had sex in over a year, and tells me how hard it is not to. She's turned her life around and doesn't want to screw up again, and doesn't want to risk pregnancy again. Is there anything we can do that isn't actually intercourse to satisfy ourselves?

 

And also, what's some advice you would give for me if/when we do actually have sex? I just don't want to mess up.

 

Well, this is a deeper situation than it appears I think. It sounds like there is definite conflict going on inside both of you regarding having sex and such have stigmatized it.

 

I've seen and lived several of these situations and can say with a good degree of certainty that as long as the conflicts exist, frustration will build and you guys will ends up either having sex that won't quite feel "right" due to pressure from the mounting frustration or break up unless you can address some deeper issues here and alleviate these conflicts.

 

Let's explore this a little more deeply...

 

You say you are waiting "until marriage or until you are both ready". And then you say you don't want to mess up regarding the act of sexual intercourse telling me you are afraid of failing in some way. This tells me you yourself are not ready now. What do you fear? What would make you sure? I would really dig into answers to these questions...

 

It sounds from her end this relationship with you might eventually be overshadowed by the fact she is trying to make a change in her life by abstaining from sex with you, perhaps trying to fulfill a mission of sorts in this regard. What happens on these missions is people tend to lose sight of and overcompensate for what it is they are trying to perceivably correct for and this overcompensation in this case combined with her sex drive will likely cause frustration that will need to be addressed. Again, I would dig into the answers to the questions of why she feels this way, what she fears, and what would make her "sure"...

 

So what can you do aside from talking about this? Maybe discipline yourselves in such a way that your physical intimacy is contained but not necessarily restricted. This is going to take some compromise in terms of desire and understanding to let this go, as there will likely be times when one of you wants to go all the way and will likely feel let down or unfulfilled if this is not achieved and might even feel rejected based on this. Essentially shut things down before things get too hot and heavy and believe doing so is for the betterment of the relationship.

[HyruleGuardian]

You say you are waiting "until marriage or until you are both ready". And then you say you don't want to mess up regarding the act of sexual intercourse telling me you are afraid of failing in some way. This tells me you yourself are not ready now. What do you fear? What would make you sure? I would really dig into answers to these questions...

 

Honestly, I'm not sure what I fear. I guess because she's not a virgin I feel like I would have to live up to some sort of expectation. But I know she'd love me no matter what.

 

What would make me sure we're ready...hmm, it's kind of hard to explain. When we know we're going to be together no matter what, and there is no doubts. Like I said before, I'm not going to do it on impulse. I need to be sure she is the one I love and will be with. In the past, I always used to think sex was just a physical act for pleasure. Now I see it as a romantic act with pleasure. I don't understand how people can just do it without feeling any connection.

 

It sounds from her end this relationship with you might eventually be overshadowed by the fact she is trying to make a change in her life by abstaining from sex with you, perhaps trying to fulfill a mission of sorts in this regard. What happens on these missions is people tend to lose sight of and overcompensate for what it is they are trying to perceivably correct for and this overcompensation in this case combined with her sex drive will likely cause frustration that will need to be addressed. Again, I would dig into the answers to the questions of why she feels this way, what she fears, and what would make her "sure"...

 

So what can you do aside from talking about this? Maybe discipline yourselves in such a way that your physical intimacy is contained but not necessarily restricted. This is going to take some compromise in terms of desire and understanding to let this go, as there will likely be times when one of you wants to go all the way and will likely feel let down or unfulfilled if this is not achieved and might even feel rejected based on this. Essentially shut things down before things get too hot and heavy and believe doing so is for the betterment of the relationship.

 

Yeah, I understand where you're getting at here. I think she knows my boundaries and I know hers right now. We're not ready to have sex just yet, but I won't count it out in our near future.

 

I think right now she is worried about having sex again, because last time she did, she got pregnant. Her ex-boyfriend beat her when he found out and she had a miscarriage. She knows I would never do anything like that and I would live up to it and make the best of the situation, but I can't imagine that would be out of her mind.

 

Regardless, I'll talk to her more about it and see where she stands. Thank you for the great replies. I really appreciate it.

[Devchonka]

Everyone seems to be doing a good job covering sex in generl here, to have it or not so I'll cover the other part:

 

Oral sex

Manual masterbation

Making out (some serious making out lol)

Dry, over clothing grinding

 

I suggest you masterbate her, give her oral, finger her, get her a dildo and play around with that, she could give you oral sex as well...that should settle her down some and you......if you go to "link removed" under forums look for sex advice forum.....they have great advice and links to help you begin things like that

 

It's a great idea to wait in my opinion. When my fiance and I met I was a virgin and he wasn't. I wanted to wait until I knew I was in love with him and we had enough time to know who we were together; he was glad to wait.

 

I have to tell you, durign the time you can't have sex you discover all the pleasure points of each other, you discover who he (she) is, what works, what doesn't, explore each others bodies....if you go straight to sex it just doesn't give you the time for other things....We used to spend 14 to 16 hours just playing with each other (apart from the actual dating, conversing, etc part I mean)...once sex was introduced things tend to be more focused on the sex itself and not other playful things. Well, in some cases.

Good luck

[quietgrl]

HyruleGuardian,

 

friscodj and especially Caterina gave you some good advice and what i don't understand is you and your gf are only 17 and 18 years old.What is the BIG rush in getting into the "should we have sex" debate. Everyone energy should be on graduating from high school and getting into college.There will be plenty of time down the road for this sex debate but for now.I would serious set boundaries with your girlfriend because a person would wants sex will test a virgin who's waiting until marriage.Trust me.

[friscodj]

What would make me sure we're ready...hmm, it's kind of hard to explain. When we know we're going to be together no matter what, and there is no doubts. Like I said before, I'm not going to do it on impulse. I need to be sure she is the one I love and will be with. In the past, I always used to think sex was just a physical act for pleasure. Now I see it as a romantic act with pleasure. I don't understand how people can just do it without feeling any connection.

 

I like your answer! It sounds like you have a good perspective on this and is one I agree with.

 

Your only real obstacle will be to overcome the pressure of having to live up to some idea of an expectation you have in your head. I think if/when you reach the point of making love to her, your belief in your connection will overcome this to an extent, but the time leading up to the first time or two might make you feel very anxious. Realize this is normal and when you do start making love, I am pretty sure things will feel better for both of you.

 

I think right now she is worried about having sex again, because last time she did, she got pregnant. Her ex-boyfriend beat her when he found out and she had a miscarriage. She knows I would never do anything like that and I would live up to it and make the best of the situation, but I can't imagine that would be out of her mind.

 

This is a very serious issue. Has she considered talking to a professional about her feelings related to this? I can definitely see where an experience like this can mess someone up for a long time in deeper ways than even she may realize. This is going to be the biggest challenge to overcome for you both here and I think talking to a professional about this can only help the situation.

[petey1343608]

there are sooooo many other things you can learn from each other w/o doing everything. Try to learn as much as you can now.