Getting Your Ex Back (the Statistics)

[devast]

Dear all,

 

I am so lost and confused right now... All I want right now is to get us back together again... I understand NC would heal someone's self and is never a strategy to get an ex back.. I'd like to heal myself but I am so afraid that I might lost her forever if I found out later that we are both playing hard to get and doing NC as a strategy to get us back together...

 

Here's what I thought would help me and the rest of you out there who are so confused, who only thinks of getting their babies back and maybe "full NC" is not an option unless its totally clear that our babies have washed us already in their hearts.

 

I would like make a statistic... and I would like to monitor this every 3 days....

 

Anyone please share us your success stories on getting back your ex or trying so hard to get your ex back but totally made you look stupid and totally failed... Please state it this way...or simply just answer this Qs..

 

GETTING HER/HIM BACK: (success/failure)

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK MADE YOU TOTALLY GET HER/HIM BACK OR FAILED?: (the story please)

 

IN A SIMPLE PHRASE; WHAT MADE IT SUCCESSFUL/FAILURE? (we will use this as part of the monitoring)

 

LESSON LEARNED: (any words of wisdom to enlighten the others in the same situ)

 

Thanks... and I will count the statistics every 3 days... lets see which is the best/worst way or if there is any applied ways whatsoever...

 

Good luck to all of us in this forum..

 

Statistics>>>GETTING BACK TOGETHER

 

APPLIED WAYS__________________SUCCESS_______________FAILURE

Making her/him jealous______________0/0___________________0/0

 

No contact________________________4/5___________________1/5

 

Moving on_________________________1/5___________________4/5

 

Looking needy______________________0/2___________________2/2

 

When he/she misses you_____________5/7___________________2/7

 

 

 

P.s. i will update this every 3 days... don't stick with the APPLIED WAYS (sample only).. I will update...

[shadow34]

sweety, I wouldnt have enough space on here to write how many times I made myself look stupid.........LOL...but boy oh boy I bet the ex can remember

 

As for success, Ive found the only ones to ever want to come back is when Ive let go and totally walked away....

 

Stay strong hun, you can get through this

 

You wont loose her because you did not contact, that wont push her away....she asked for space so obviously she needs time to think, and my friend when you have all that thinking space without the person you love ( and Im sure you can relate your doing it and I know she would be too ) it becomes awfully lonely

 

Hugs

[sunday13]

GETTING HER/HIM BACK: "Success" twice, if you call it that. Both exes who dumped me came back and wanted to try it, but I said no.

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK MADE YOU TOTALLY GET HER/HIM BACK OR FAILED?: Honestly, it WAS having no contact. The first one, I was so hurt by his betrayal (he went above and beyond to hurt me), that in 4 months when he called and wanted to talk, I met him, accepted his apology, but said we would never date again. The second one, I did the basic phone begging and whatever, but then I learned he had cheated on me... I blocked him from my phone and everything else. He came back in 3 months. I said no. He came back 3 months after that. I said no. He came back a year after that...again...NO!

 

IN A SIMPLE PHRASE; WHAT MADE IT SUCCESSFUL/FAILURE? No contact and becoming happy single.

 

LESSON LEARNED: They say they don't want you? Fine. Leave. Play their bluff. Give them what they ask for. They expect you to plead, beg, and cry. And even if they don't, looking weak and needy will only make them turned off. People like strong, self-sufficient people.

[Ericson]

Think more or less about this. Awkwardness. Think of everything you'd have to deal with, all the mis-trust, all the taking it slow, all the over analyzing. Personally, I'm fed up with trying to get my EX back, it's more of a hassle. Probably doesn't work out, less then 1% i'd say, depends on the person. If he/she is willing to work out a break-up then I say go for it! Otherwise, it's a bad voodoo.

[VerySadToday]

I don't think you should be afraid of NC getting in the of a reconciliation. What will PERMANENTLY hurt your chances of a reconcilation is irritating the ex with requests for conversation when they want space. Also, meeting up with your ex when you look like crud from not sleeping or eating well is not going to make your ex regard you as sexy or attractive.

 

When you have been dumped, your sense of time is all messed up. You feel like every second without your ex is pulling you further apart for eternity. But, the ex is thinking that each time you call, text, IM or email is too frequent.

 

In my circle of friends, a few people have reconciled with their exes. But, it was always after the ex had a long period of time to develop regrets. In one case, after the breakup, the dumper dated several guys who all turned out to treat her like dirt. After 2 years, she saw her mistake and approached her ex to ask him to take her back. They are back together and have a solid relationship now.

[isidore]

ex-ex-girlfriend: Tried my pitiful damndest to get her back but didn't really want her.

 

ex-girlfriend: Didn't try at all to get her back even though I love her with every electron in my body.

 

Overall success rate: 0%

[kate111]

From what I have gathered in my circle of friends sometimes an ex will come back. But it seems to usually be after the ex has time to miss the other person. The other person starts to accept the break up, is slowly getting over it and then the ex comes back.

[lady00]

GETTING HER/HIM BACK: 1/5 came back so far

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK MADE YOU TOTALLY GET HER/HIM BACK OR FAILED?: I moved on, dated another guy who broke up with me, I remained hung up on that guy, asked the ex (one who wanted to come back but I wasn't aware of it yet) for advice on how to get back with the other guy. I think this made my ex realize that I was over him and focused on other people and that I had moved on. So when I hung out with my ex, I wasn't hanging on his every word or worshipping him, I just treated him like a friend and he kept pursuing chances to hang out with me. My lack of romantic interest in him seemed to appeal to him in some weird way. Go figure.

 

IN A SIMPLE PHRASE; WHAT MADE IT SUCCESSFUL/FAILURE?: Well, the guy came back but by then I had lost my feelings for him because of the way he had treated me when we dated the first time around and I had dated someone who treated me way better than that so I had something to compare it to. Also, we were just not compatible in any way aside from the fact that we were phsyically attracted to each other.

 

LESSON LEARNED: It seems like when your ex realizes that you have moved on and are interested in others, they start to second-guess themselves or at least start to randomly compliment you. I've had all of my other exes that didn't come back tell me years later how great I am etc which I don't think means I'm any more fantastic than anyone else who has been dumped before. I think is just a reflection of their having had time to get distance from the bad parts of the relationship to see the good...I would never consider dating any of these guys however except maybe the most recent ex because I just don't have those feelings anymore and I don't see anything changing that. Although, I get the impression that they would consider dating me again by the way they talk but who knows...since I wouldn't, I've never asked and I think they all realize that right now I am still hung up on my most recent ex so it's not even something they would raise even if they did feel that way.

[savoie]

GETTING HER/HIM BACK: 1st love - tried coming back for 10 years! I still adore him - but we simply are too different. 2nd love tried at various times but again we didnt grow in the same direction. 3rd love disappeared - think he hates me. 4th died. 5th tried for a few years. 6th - we still are very close - and tried once to get back together - I couldn't live where he lives. I just split up with #7. It has only been 6 weeks or so. He hasn't tried neither have i.

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK MADE YOU TOTALLY GET HER/HIM BACK OR FAILED?: The only relationship where I tried to get back together is with the 6th. It failed because we live at opposite ends of the country. I am not sure if any of my former boyfriends were just wanting a hookup or wanted to actually rekindle things. But all but one has come back. I only took back one and i pursued him more than he pursued me. I have no idea why the others came back. I mean I know they missed our relationship but it could have been for alot of reasons other than that.

 

IN A SIMPLE PHRASE; WHAT MADE IT SUCCESSFUL/FAILURE? #6 - didn't live in the same place. the rest failed because it wasn't there for me anymore. i think that it is possible that i would take #7 back. i still love him. i am not angry with him. if he gets to a healthier place - i would consider it.

 

 

LESSON LEARNED: i know that i have handled previous relationships as i should have. i would not change they way i handled myself after a breakup.

[devast]

Based on the stories some posted here's the update as of February 26,2007 10:55 P.M.

 

Statistics>>>GETTING BACK TOGETHER

 

APPLIED WAYS__________________SUCCESS_______________FAILURE

Making her/him jealous______________0/0___________________0/0

 

No contact________________________4/5___________________1/5

 

Moving on_________________________1/5___________________4/5

 

Looking needy______________________0/2___________________2/2

 

When he/she misses you_____________5/7___________________2/7

[cocogirl]

GETTING HER/HIM BACK: *success* -- got my boyfriend back.

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK MADE YOU TOTALLY GET HER/HIM BACK OR FAILED?:

well, my break-up story is a little different. he didn't dump me b/c he was just plain ol' sick & tired of fighting, or anything like that. he dumped me out of pure anger & rage, and felt extreme betrayal from me because i informed him of my not-so-innocent past after 5 months of being in blissful love, and all he felt was shock, and blinding fury & wrath for me. so in the midst of that inferno-like emotion, he broke up with me. said hurtful things like, "i dont want to be with you anymore", etc.etc.

i was hysterical and devastated.

he is the love of my life!

after 24 hours of his dumping me, he called me. and made it more clear that we are over. when we hung up, i felt sooooo weak and so miserable that i called him back after only 10 minutes! he was like, "um aren't you heading to bed now?" anyway, that was a MISTAKE!

but the good news was that i picked up on Brian Caniglia's eBook "How to Get Back Your Ex", and i was able to salvage my mistake.

after 3 miserable nights of NO CONTACT & driving myself insane, he CALLED ME! i was thrilled. but i kept it cool. when he called, i was normal & confident - just like i always was BEFORE the break-up. i asked about his day, and we would talk about random things but he was itching to bring up our break-up/relationship. whenever he did this, i would change the topic to something neutral or happy/funny. i would make sure the convo did not last more than 15 minutes. and I would be the one to always hang up.

i did not hear from him for another day or 2...

but i stuck to my guns.

I NEVER CALLED HIM. NO EMAIL, NO TEXT, NOTHING!

I even stayed away from myspace - knowing that the public can see the date of my login.

When he called me again, i did the same thing as i did in my 1st "breezy/confident" conversation, except this time - it was complicated. He steered it directly into the topic of our break-up, and how i wronged him, etc. Since it was too late to do damage-control, i let him vent and rant and all i did was agree, or say that i understand, and i was always pleasant.

This convo lasted 45 minutes! I finally initiated in saying BYE.

He called again the next night.

I noticed the more I left him alone, and conveyed to him that I was perfectly fine and normal about the break-up, the MORE he was certain that he was losing the greatest and rarest catch!

WHen he called again the next night, that's when we got back together.

He said he realized he was being unfair to me by judging me.

He was already driving in his car on his way to some get-together, to which he asked me to go to. I politely said, "No, I'm tired and I dont' want to drive all the way over there", but he offered to pick me up and take me there.

Even then, I played it cool. I wasn't ecstatic, nor was I in tears.

I was normal and calm, and said "ok".

 

And that's how we got back together.

I left him alone. And he came to his senses on his own time.

 

 

 

IN A SIMPLE PHRASE; WHAT MADE IT SUCCESSFUL/FAILURE? (we will use this as part of the monitoring)

 

I gave him his space & time!

 

LESSON LEARNED: (any words of wisdom to enlighten the others in the same situ)

 

"No Contact" doesn't just mean NOT contacting your ex.

What it means is so much more complex and has more depth than people fail to notice.

It means that while you are not contacting your ex, you need to look for ways to improve your mental, emotional, and physical health.

Brian Caniglia's advice was to exercise. EVERYDAY.

I exercised every single day and kept myself busy and happy.

The more i did this, the less I had bouts of crying spells to myself.

I also built up more confidence in myself to the point where I wouldn't lose my self-worth and self-esteem if my ex decided to never come back to me.

However, I also maintained FAITH and HOPE in our love that we are meant to be together and prayed faithfully that he will come back when it is his time.

 

Basically, during our time apart - I was getting all A+ in my physical, social, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. I was reading self-help books, dining out with work colleagues, working out like a cardio-rat, watching movies by myself that was of my personal interest, manicure/pedicures, shopping, etc.

 

When you do this, and your ex does call you... Your tone of voice and atmosphere of your personality is different. It is confident, stable, healthy, and magnetic. Your ex is not stupid. He can pick up on your negative vibes. When he does this, you will push him away further. TRUST ME - i have been through this since I was 18 years old. I have all of my ex-boyfriends from my clingy neediness. Feel free to email me or message me if you have questions.

[luck21]

I was wondering how long did it take you for you guys to get back together? Also if you don't mind me asking who did you pray to, like was it a specific saint? I am in a situation where my girl left, because she felt too dependent on me and she has depression. it has been 2 and half months, i have been doing n/c for 47 days now.