Down the rollercoaster

[mease87]

Everyone has described a break up and the feelings like a rollercoaster. they get good then bad. and today im just going down it. its been over a month now since my ex broke up with me. in case no one knows my situation.

 

she goes to college an hour away from me, im 20 shes 19, toward the end we would have little fights , trust issues with me , i didnt trust her as much as i should have. i basically became unattractive i think due to my lack of confindece and would get emtional over alot toward the end. anyway, was a shock cause a few days eairler, o i love you so much, ect....

and then on the phone she decided to end things, i didnt want her to do this on the phone and drove out there so she could do it to my face. and she did say much but just go, im just not happy, balling her eyes out.

 

After that she let me call her once and listend to what i had to say, and then a few days later she said stop caliing me i need to move on and so do you. last thing i ever heard from her.

 

 

We had a realitivley good relationship, i know she loved me and she knows i loved her, never swore at her, always told her the truth. ect..

 

she is a good person smart, beautiful, goes to church, straght A's last year in high school.

 

And the biggest thing i am wondering and worrying about it, what would be the reasons for her never to talk to me agian.. im not a bad person and i know she knows that.

She found someone else a reason for her to never talk to me again?

or she would be to scared to?

or she just hates me now?

 

I have accepted that we probly wont get back together, but im not ready to lose her as a friend. her ignoring me and not contacting me is making me feel like she could care less about me, every away messages she has is so happy with lots of smileys for no reason somtimes. like shes 10 times happier now that im gone.

 

If she really cared for me would she contact me ever?

why wouldnt she want me in her life, im a great person and i know it. why is she doing this ?

if she never contact me? does that mean she doesnt care? i just want her to talk to me agian one day.. i miss her and miss who she is as a person.... i dont want to lose that? does she want me out of her life

 

 

i hear all these stories on here, like we maintained low contact, or she called me after a month and wants to be friends, or she talked to me online to see how i was....

 

But i dont get any of that, and i dont think i ever will. i wish i got one second of here talking to me. all these stories i see on here the ex seems to want to be friends eventually. but so far all ive got is her delteing me as a friend on link removed and last thing said to me in a text was " stop calling i need to move on" doesnt seem like shes wants to be my friend at all , and thats what makes me sader then the actual break up, that she doesnt want me in her life..

[Dako]

It's probably hard to dump you, and while you're left scrambling to keep her in your life, she's had months of time to adjust to life without you.

 

You're in a stage of trying to make sense of it by explaining her motives, intentions and opinion of you. Unfortunately, beating yourself up trying to understand will not bring her back to you at all.

 

Being dumped has nothing to do with your value to the world, or who you are. She lost the feeling she had, and instead of leading you on and faking it, she took the honorable step of ending it.

 

You care for her, don't you?

Let her go. If she's happy, be happy for her.

The sooner you let go, the sooner you can heal.

 

I understand what you're going through, and it's no picnic.

The next step in getting past this is to stop trying to fix it.

[mease87]

Yea i know what your saying.

 

 

if she never contacts me agian does that mean she doesnt care about me ? or miss me? or want me in her life as a friend?

 

her last Ex she is friends with. so why elimintate me from her life forever?

 

I hear of people being abusive,cheating on another, leing to each other constantly and going behind others backs.... and they contact each other aliitle or alot. and if she doesnt contact me, its just going to make me feel like the biggest * * * * * * * on the planet. and that she hates me so much.

[ManOfPlans]

My friend I'm in a similar situation to you, I'm only a bit older, and I realise that though friendship is great, and your ex is friends with her ex, it has to take time. Its been many months since I broke up, and I had the same feelings as you, honest, but only now do I realise that a big big amount of time is necessary. You have not been eliminated from her life, even if it feels like it, but you need to at least accept that, so anything in the future can be accepted as a bonus, and not compared to 'what was'. Good luck.

[Dako]

I'm friends with my ex, but there was a period of forced civility that was emotionally draining. We kept it short and sweet until a certain point where we could open up a bit.

 

To be wanting close contact so soon is normal, but if you go off on your own and really recover, not clinging to hope, but get over her, you'l feel much better when and if you can be friends.

 

Right now you need to become someone that fits into her life as a friend.

That person has to feel good about himself.

[mease87]

yeah. i guess i just need to give it alot more time. and freaking stop myself from looking at what shes doing all the time on AIM. its so hard for me to do... and staying off my screen name that she knows. i made a new one. trying to stay on that one. thank you guys. posting on here always makes me feel better. for a short while

[mease87]

Can anyone give me any ideas on how to stop looking at her away messages Online and stop going on my old screen name so she can see when im online... i know its best to not do any of this, But i cant seem to stop. i really cant. anyone been in this situaton and give me some advice? cause i know when i see shes out or seem like shes the happiest person on earth i get so sad and miss her and wonder why she doesnt miss me, and why shes so happy without me especially only after a month....

[disgruntledbaker]

i think it was either superdave or majord that had a major contribution to my personal plan of action thats helped deal with this one:

 

write down her emails, AIM sn, phone numbers, and any other means of contacting you can think of, then delete them all from your phone and contact list. if you're strong enough to do it without making the list, do that (i wasn't that strong, so don't feel bad). then put the list somewhere you won't be tempted to look at it. so long as they're not visible it helps you to avoid checking in on them. also, avoiding using AIM all together for a while helped me.

 

just like everyone else that posted here, i've experienced every feeling and stray thought that you're going through. i still love my ex intensly and hope that some day we could be friends or even much more, but right now im too disappointed in how shes given up on me and cut me out of her life to even want to talk to her. its a terrifying thought now to be faced with her, instead of my dream every night to be contacted by her because at the moment theres no one more capable of hurting me and thats wrong and unfair.

 

also, though it shouldn't be what you're waiting or hoping for, but the longer that goes by the greater the chance she'll try to contact you. theres no way she doesn't think of you at all, and though she may genuinly be happy sometimes or even often there are always going to be times of regret doubt and sadness for her. don't judge your self-worth based on the outward appearance of her emotional status.

 

when the time comes that she does try to contact you (so long as you aren't trying to contact her) you have to take care to not allow yourself the possibility of being hurt further. this may mean not answering. personally, im glad i did answer when the first contact came a month and a half after the breakup. what my ex told me confirmed that she did think of me fondly sometimes, missed me often, and had her doubts and regrets. we didn't get back together and haven't spoken much since, and are no closer to even being friends now, but i needed that small amount of comfort to pick myself up out of the pool of misery.

 

alright thats all i got... good luck and vent here often.

[mease87]

thank you very much... what i needed to hear.

[mease87]

ive have accepted alot of things, its just....

 

When someone , especially the person you love and care for makes you feel like you dont exist...... worst feeling you can ever feel. Like everything meant nothing and they could care less about you.

[Stereohead]

Hey Mease, I totally understand where you’re coming from buddy. And even the wanting to be friends with the guy/girl you love, it’s natural... You don’t want to lose someone you care about, nobody does.

 

In my situation…I wanted to be friends with him; even after knowing he hated me. And of course, everything bad he’s said about me was to friends and never actually to me. And of course, he got mad that they were sharing the news with me and when I started questioning him, he blocked me. I couldn’t help but be upset he wasn’t actually happy like he said he was, and I was worried about him. I’ve separated myself as much as I could from him, so he wouldn’t have to forced to see me around… We had a long distance relationship, and I’m still unclear on all the facts and what actually happened.

 

But I realize it’s ended even though never officially, and despite the harsh names and everything… I honestly just think he’s trying to move on and not care for me… we had a very complicated relationship.. I didn’t want to lose his friendship, but he’s not ready for a friendship, he’s rather angry by the mention of me… Which just makes me upset because, this is the guy I loved and he loved me and by the simple mention of my name he gets pissed… and I was hoping he was actually happy like he said he was… and not so…. Upset…

 

I’m staying quiet… I’ll try to talk again, and say happy birthday or something… I don’t think he’s meaning to hurt my feelings… I just think he’s venting and trying to move on … and having no one to talk to… I feel sorry for him. And hopefully by remaining quiet he’ll see I’m not such a bad person and could possibly forgive me one of these days… We’ll see, but I’m not going to dwell on it.

 

He wants to be friends, wonderful. If not, I hope he has a great life without me… I’ll love him, there will be no doubt in that. He’ll be in my heart… And yeah, I miss him terribly, but I rather have him be happy, then upset and faking it…

 

Well, Mease, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’d be happy to… I understand all of this…it’s all happened very recently for me as well… And I know…it’s the worst feeling losing them, and all the things said between you meant nothing it seems… guess all we can do is hope they can forgive us to some extent and see that we ain’t that awful after all…

[disgruntledbaker]

thats definitely a terrible experience to go through. you're not gonna like this reply, but she shouldn't be able to "make" you feel anything.

 

i'm in no position to really say it, because i've let the way things have turned out for me and my ex really tear me apart... but before you can take any steps towards getting better you have to come to the realization that you can't be upset with yourself or devalue yourself and what you feel deserve because of what one person says or does, regardless of how much you cared for them.

 

the pain you feel right now, you're not alone. everyone here has felt it at one point. and its important to go through it, both to recognize what you had and to understand what you want for the future, and as a fuel to make whatever changes are necessary to get what you want some day.

 

but in the end... you make yourself feel whatever it is you want to feel. it doesn't seem that way now, and thats fine. but in a few days, weeks, or possibly even months, you'll understand. just do your best to be patient until then and check in here often to let everyone know what you're feeling.

[Stereohead]

It’s a difficult experience. Yeah, the other partner has no reasonability in helping you cope or recover… but facing the fact you can’t be friends now, and even wondering if you’ll even get to be is hard…

 

I was completely sure I was the reason of my breakup, still kind of am. I feel my mistakes tore us apart… and I lost him as a friend, and I felt and feel horrible about it. But I apologized and am trying to fix whatever messes I can (With other friends)… and knowing he still need’s time, and so do I. I’m still not over him completely, I miss him, but I’m doing better I think…hope… and maybe, I’ll be fine seeing him online and not being bothered or something silly.

 

We’ll see right. Patience, erg, something I fail in lol… especially since I don’t understand the whole non-contact stay quiet and let things go… and I don’t want to stop loving him. If it happens it happens, till that point, I’ll love him and regret the things I said that made him feel so rotten of him…

 

It’s a difficult feeling to deal with. And I’ve had to fall on the shoulders of friends to do so, and a couple of times on this site… and like Mease.. hm. I miss having him around, but I am trying to be better… as a person… I loved the time with him, it’s sad to lose him. ..as ya’ll already know the feeling.

[disgruntledbaker]

if its really love to begin with, i've always felt it never really ends.

 

so don't expect to stop loving him. you may love someone else more, or you may grow to want his love in return less... but don't dismiss those feelings. theres never too much love in the world.