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Relationship Problem - please read....

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Hi, I'll try to make this as breif as possible....it's about my girlfriend.


Upto a couple months ago, I was a single 19 year with not a care in the world....I enjoyed being single and chasing girls....


Anyways, back in October, I met a girl on link removed and we started texting each other after a bit. She's 16 and a virgin....so straight away, she was a big no no in my book as I was looking for fun and no strings attached. Anyways, we kept texting and texting and in November we finally met....On returning from meeting her for the first time I remember saying "I don't want to go out with her....phew!" however, we continued to text for some reason....and I kept texting her back....why? I thought in the future she could potentially be a girlfriend maybe but I wasn't sure. We met one more time after that....then she kissed me, obviously I kissed back but it was nothing....Whilst texting I kept telling her I didn't want a girlfriend right now my job was very hetic and I didn't have time to bring a 16 yr old into the world of sex....(that's how I saw it at the time). In this time I had already slept with another girl as I was enjoying being single.


The week before Christmas she was going on holiday and I met once more the night b4 she went, we didn't kiss I don't think, I can't remember! Anyways we texted each other quite a bit whilst she was away on holiday, I remember telling her "I've completely fallen for you" once that week in a message, when she was away....anyways,the night she got back from holiday I went out into my local town and got very drunk and ended up sleeping with another random girl....my mind was still in "single mode" as I was technically single, me and my girlfriend hadn't made anything official and we had only met a handful ammount of times.


That was on the 23rd that I slept with that other girl....it was absolutly nothing....If I could turn back time, I would of not done it but I was very drunk and single....anyways....On the 27th of that month I had a moment of clarity and decided I wanted a girlfriend, I'd had enough of being a player.


I told her how I felt and that I wanted to be with her....she wanted to be with me too so we started being a couple....so I went round her house for the first time.


Now, when I first started going out with her, she was unaware of the amount of girls I had slept with, and that I'd been with 2 girls whilst I've known her....one 5 days before going out with her officially.


I told her on the 5th of Jan everything I've said here....that I'd been with 17 girls and that I'd had sex with someone whilst she was on holiday 5 days before we started being boyfriend and girlfriend.... she was upset at first but she wasn't botherd as we weren't a couple.


Since we started dating on the 27th of December we've been seeing each other near enough everyday and we've declared our love for each other. Im so happy that I'm with her and would never ever cheat on her....


My problem is.... I feel guilty.If I felt for her then as I do now, I would of never gone with that girl just before Christmas. However it's been eating away at me since the other week when it got brought up again....I mean, it had been at the back of my mind since I started being her boyfriend, but now it's really bugging me. I mean, I've had the greatest couple of months ever with her, its seemd like a big holiday, but there's been an undertone of guilt that's been eating away at me.


I mentioned it to her the other day (she's been skiing on holiday for a week) and she said "don't be silly, the past is the past, if I'm ok with it, you should, I'm really happy, I've never been this happy, I mean it"


She's still a virgin, and I'd be willing to wait for aslong as she wants but I still can't get over this massive guilt....


It's hard because I feel so strongly for her now, I've not had a serious relationship before and neither has she. I wish I had fell in love with her at first sight as I wouldn't of gone with that other girl whilst drunk, I feel like I've tainted the "perfect girl" and the "perfect relationship" I even tried talking myself out of being her boyfriend as my guilt is so strong....and then realised I don't think I could go with any1 else anymore....she means that much to me....it's like a circle of guilt I can't get out of!!


Maybe I'll get over it over time, I hope I do....because she means the world to me....it's just hard to think that I'd done that to her even though my feelings for her weren't as they are now. I really need your help, its been a really hard week with her away....i miss her

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If she's not upset about it, then I wouldn't worry about it! You weren't together, she understands that. It's good that you feel this guilt now because it's clear you wouldn't cheat on her now that you are together, and I'm sure she can tell. The one thing I would say is to get an STD test, 17 girls, if you do have something you don't want to give it to her, especially since she's a virgin.

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Forgive yourself. Sometimes in a relationship, to make things work, you need to do something that feels selfish, but really is for the good of your partner.

If she's forgiven you, and thinks it's not a big deal (after all, you didn't really do anything wrong) then by obsessing about it, you will only keep bringing it up, and *that* will hurt her.

Be kind to her, and to you, and forget it. Re-channel your energy into being a great boyfriend NOW, treat her right, and re-focus on what you have RIGHT NOW.

Best of luck!

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My advice would be to do your best to get over it, and stop bringing it up with your girlfriend. It may not bother her now, but if you keep insisting on bringing it up to assuage your own guilt, you're just going to make her feel bad. Guilt is a hard feeling to defeat, but you can't let it destroy your relationship. Nothing is "perfect", no girlfriend and no relationship (or boyfriend for that matter). Like she said, it's the past, and if she's okay with it, move on. I mean, you didn't even actually cheat on her. Don't put so much pressure on the situation. You did something you regret, but it didn't do any lasting damage, so what's done is done. Good luck.

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