A message to those who are thinking about dumping someone...

[sunday13]

Think this through before you do it. Are you really willing to risk never having that person in your life ever again? When you dump someone, you are in control...you think that the person you dump will love you, that you will hurt them, and if you come back, they'll jump for joy. That is rarely the case. When someone has been hurt that much, especially if you dump them for your own selfish reasons, the chances that you have just lost them forever are very high. Why would someone want to risk being hurt by you again? Make sure you are dumping them because of something that is wrong with them, something just won't work between you two, or something that cannot be reconciled. DO NOT dump them because of your own insecurities, selfishness, or confusion. You will usually regret those breakups...and the odds of that person opening themself back up to you is small.

 

THINK before you break something that may never be repaired.

[renaissancewoman101]

That's true, don't dump someone in the heat of the moment, and then regret it later and ask for them back. That is the ultimate form of betrayal.

 

Actually dumping someone IS a form of betrayal.

[Aniger_Doolb]

I wish I had joined this site and seen that post abuot a year ago when I made my own stupid mistake. But my love, thank whatever g-ds may be, was willing to forgive and trust me not to hurt him the way I had before.

[splashdown]

Great post.

 

You're also giving them the space and time to really think about whether or not they wanted to be with YOU. If you change your mind later, it may in fact be too late.

[Zaphod]

I'm into giving people chances before I dump them.

 

If I dump a woman it's because.

 

1 : We can't stop rowing - ie solid rowin for 3 months.

2 : One of us is unfaithful.

3 : We are moving to different countries for example.

4 : We do not find each other physically attractive any more/ do not like each other's personality/values/philosophies any more.

 

There might be a couple more.

 

But you won't catch me choosing a woman then giving up on her without understanding human nature and giving her a chance.

 

I think a lot of people have this "perfect" idea of relationships which makes them dump the partner if that image of perfection is spoilt.

No staying power

[Jetta]

That is exactly what I needed to hear 2 years ago, but I probably wouldn't have listened anyway. Maybe someone here is a bit wiser than I.

[isidore]

That's true, don't dump someone in the heat of the moment, and then regret it later and ask for them back. That is the ultimate form of betrayal.

 

Actually dumping someone IS a form of betrayal.

 

I never thought about it that way. Very interesting.

 

I got dumped and she later admitted she had thought about it for less than 2 days. At least she didn't have to agonize over an extended period of time

[sunday13]

Jetta, are you just now wanting that person back? If you don't mind me asking, what sparked the change of heart?

[Dako]

My ex planned dumping me for 2 years, and did a good job of it.

I was glad it wasn't in anger, but we had never fought about anything.

[Jetta]

Well several reasons really. But the truth is I doubt it'll happen. I'm hanging on him lately because I really can't handle being single. No sex, which he wants, but just someone to talk to when I'm lonely.

 

I pulled a Britney after the divorce only I didn't go as far as shaving my head. I cut my hair all off and dyed it so much I can't go back to a lighter (look better on me) color. It's dry and damaged and icky chin length (looks awful on me, girls talk to me now). At least guys are starting to hold doors for me, so it's improving.

 

I discovered I was way more attached to him than I realized and because they legally kidnapped my daughter. I have to see him to see her and she's my little girl. She like a little me in some ways only better, and I totally love and miss her.

 

Okay so three reasons. I hate being single, I miss my daughter, and he was a good friend who I relied on (didn't realize that seriously). I'm also still attracted to him sexually, didn't realize I ever was to tell you the truth. So 4 reasons. He was always just there so I never really got to miss him, he's the clingy type so he got annoying. Now I realize there were parts of him I loved, but it was that intense love that I felt for other guys.

[Zaphod]

My ex planned dumping me for 2 years

 

***sucks air through teeth***

 

Ouch what an uppercut. I feel for you.

 

But I bet you got up before the nine count right?

[macgyver4ever]

I wish my ex could have seen this, or thought about it before she dumped me. All the reasons sunday13 gave for not dumping me was why she did. She was selfish, a coward, and scared. The only reason she had to she should have left me was the non-physical affair she was having with this guy for the last four months of our relationship.

 

She'll regret it later, but not for a few more weeks. Let her see what she is left with now that I am gone.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I know how hard it is to be dumped - I KNOW this. But can I also say that almost everyone will have dumped someone and been dumped. Very few people are lucky enough to meet 'the one' at a young age and stay with them their whole lives. You cannot stay with someone just because dumping someone is a mean action. Breaking up with someone is just a fact of life.

 

Personally, I'd rather someone dumped me because they didn't feel the spark anymore rather than they stayed with me and cheated on me.

[sunday13]

well, my ex has never been dumped, and i have always been the dumpee. probably not the best trend! but, like i said, all the guys who have dumped me have always come back. i have never taken anyone back, but eventually they do call. my latest one though, who knows? i am not counting on hearing from him.