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do guys like to be approached first?


bvnstar05
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I tend to agree with Batya's reasoning. If a man is not capable of initiating a relationship with a woman then there are likely to be more problems in future. Lots of other things will need to be initiated later on. Will he wait for her to initiate the first kiss etc? Women generally want a man who takes the lead. A man should wait until he is mature enough to ask a woman out before starting dating. However, if a woman asks him out and he is prepared to take the initiative in the from then on I see no reason why the relationship cannot succeed.

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i wouldnt mind if some girl wemt up to me and sparked up a good conversation. it saves playing cat and mouse

 

Well of course men "don't mind" and like being approached - it's very flattering much of the time!- but if the underlying question is "does it motivate them to ask a woman out where otherwise the interest level was on the low side or nonexistent" I think the answer is it "might" motivate the man but typically that will not be the woman the man chooses to get serious with. I also think there is a big difference between cat and mouse and who approaches first - a woman can be approachable, friendly and warm but allow the man to initiate the asking out.

 

If we're just talking about "approaching" as in saying hi or starting a conversation I don't think it much matters who does that as far as the correlation to a potential dating relationship.

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If we're just talking about "approaching" as in saying hi or starting a conversation I don't think it much matters who does that as far as the correlation to a potential dating relationship.

 

I think that's the definition for approaching that most people (including myself) have gone by in this thread. Perhaps I now understand your point of view, if you had taken "approaching" to mean "asking out".

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Yes - well, approached can mean so many different things. When I used to go to singles events, I would go alone, walk around the room not too quickly though and look around without staring - typically within once or twice around the room a man would approach me. That is what I preferred because I thought that was a better way to meet someone who was interested in me. If there was someone I wanted to approach, I might do so. It is far far easier and less awkward to approach someone in the context of a shared activity or specific event (not just a "singles" event) because then there is a ready made icebreaker "what did you think of the lecture" etc. In that case I don't think it makes much of a difference who approaches.

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  • 2 weeks later...
i am the shyest person in the world.

 

last night when i was out 3 different girls were checking me out very hard and i still didnt go up to them LOL.

 

i just freeze up.

 

they wound up coming over and chatting with me, so it worked out, but i can sure use some tips on not being so nervous about conversation.

 

 

Check out link removed its i guid within link removed

 

There is a monthly fee to subscribe but its only about £6 and you can get all you need within one month.

 

I don't recommend becoming a player its just a fast track way to hurt yourself and others but it is vital for all "Good" men to know as much as possible so we stop finishing last.

 

Good Luck!

 

 

As for do we like to be approached, we are used to doing the approaching and having someone else doing the selecting so it dose make a refreshing change

You already pointed out you have the same rare phone so that's a conversation to have for a good while about where he/you got it from and what he/you like/dislike about it ect but a little prep would be good first, Do this for a week, Make eye contact as much as you can, Look into his left eye witch is believed to be connected to the part of the brain that deals with emotions, try sit next to him so he can smell your sent as many times through the week as possible and make sure you use the same perfume he should approach you by the end of the week if he is single, If he doesn't he might still be available but just be a little shy in that case wait until your off the bus at the end of the week and make your move, Don't forget to ask for his phone number

 

Remember you have nothing to lose, you can only gain.

 

Good Luck!

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Yes, a refreshing change but that doesn't mean that refreshing change is what motivates a man to get involved with a woman long term. In my experience, the woman doing most of the asking is "refreshing" and memorable but not linked to who the man chooses to get involved with.

 

The rest of the advice - in my opinion - presumes there is some "formula" for a woman to attract a man -- that would be nice but would require all men to be attracted to the same things (and for no men to be allergic to perfume). One of my classmates attracted her husband by going to sit down on a chair the first day of classes, missing the chair and falling on her behind. He laughed out loud which was the first time she met him. They were both dating other people at the time. 8 months later they were engaged.

 

A close friend of mine attracted her husband by interviewing him on the first date as to what his marital and family goals were. He proposed three months later.

 

I attracted a long term boyfriend by being introduced to him on an evening when I had a horrible cold, and in addition to being sniffly was very quiet and looked exhausted. He knew I worked accross the street, knew my first name, and within two days tracked me down at work to ask me out. This was before cell phones, internet, and answering machines.

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Yep Batya,

 

I'm not sure about it being unlinked it dose show confidence witch is a massive attraction to most of us.

 

for all of the cases you mentioned the start of coarse was being noticed , that's the main function of the perfume and eye contact for a while if he is attracted he will do what she said she prefers and approach her if he doesn't then approaching him will be the next and final step

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Yep Batya,

 

I'm not sure about it being unlinked it dose show confidence witch is a massive attraction to most of us.

 

for all of the cases you mentioned the start of coarse was being noticed , that's the main function of the perfume and eye contact for a while if he is attracted he will do what she said she prefers and approach her if he doesn't then approaching him will be the next and final step

 

I disagree to the extent that is a generalization about how all men react to perfume. Eye contact is important in all interactions with people - not just potentially romantic ones.

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It all depends on the individual. Some men are shy and would not like asking out women they might jump at the chance of a woman asking them out. They might hit it off on the date and the man can then assume the more "dominant" role. But you will never know unless you try it out. Really it depends on the individual.

 

Girls have approached me in the past ( when I have been very physically fit) on the dance floor mostly and when i was 18 years old (because I looked like i was 24 back then lol). I did not handle it well because I did not know how to react to it. So it might just be a matter of conditioning.

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I completely agree that some men might need to be asked out for the first date before stepping up to the plate but it is rare indeed that a man who is truly interested and available would want to be in a long term relationship with a woman but want her to do more of the asking and planning overall, not just for the first date.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Guys, begin the conversation whenever possible to begin communicating as a lady should never make the first move. You will know if she is interested. Should she pass by or approach you first for a different reason, then your door is opened for you to continue talking or return to her at a later time to talk.

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Here's one of my girlie secrets. Sit near him. Drop something in front of him. Even 'on him' if possible (but nothing liquid - like coffee for instance) and watch what he does. If he attempts to pick up the item for you, for goodness sakes SMILE AT HIM!! Smiling is the best way to convey your interest in a man. They love it. Then thank him and start a small conversation. But if he sits there like some no mannered lump and makes you pick up the item - forget it. He's not worth your time.

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Guys, begin the conversation whenever possible to begin communicating as a lady should never make the first move. You will know if she is interested. Should she pass by or approach you first for a different reason, then your door is opened for you to continue talking or return to her at a later time to talk.

 

This is sensible advice.

 

Hard for us shy men with women, but definitely true.

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Guys, begin the conversation whenever possible to begin communicating as a lady should never make the first move. You will know if she is interested. Should she pass by or approach you first for a different reason, then your door is opened for you to continue talking or return to her at a later time to talk.

 

Why do we have to do all the work ? No I don't know if she is interested because if I am supposed to know then I guess NO woman is attracted to me at all because frankly I don't have a CLUE what women are thinking.

 

I do notice, they seem to be a whole lot more pliabe around good looking rich men. That is this entire man must approach seems to go out the window. Am I right ?

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Why do we have to do all the work ? No I don't know if she is interested because if I am supposed to know then I guess NO woman is attracted to me at all because frankly I don't have a CLUE what women are thinking.

 

I do notice, they seem to be a whole lot more pliabe around good looking rich men. That is this entire man must approach seems to go out the window. Am I right ?

 

I am sorry you have the perception that "they" only go for men who are good looking and rich. if that is true, all it means is that you happen to know some rather materialistic people (who you also presume know when a man is "rich" whatever that means to you).

 

There is no 'work" to do. It's called making conversation with someone and deciding, if it seems to be a pleasant conversation, to ask if she would like to continue the conversation sometime over a drink, dinner, a visit to your favorite art gallery, etc.

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