HDD Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Hi everyone, i am new to this attraction, flirting and dating scene so i need to ask you guys for some advice/tips on how its done. Its been a while since i've actually dated, i have been in a 6 year relationship that just ended couple of months ago and I am not ready to date yet but i just wanted to test the water and see if i still have it in me to meet new people. You see something happened couple of days ago with this guy but i think I blew it somehow (maybe not) which is why i need to ask your opinion. so i was out of town vacationing in tropical paradise and i was sitting at a coffee shop browsing the net, when this guy who was sitting in the table front of me (Hot!) started talking to me. it felt like he was interested in getting to know me better. we talked for like 40 minutes or so and then he had to leave but before he left he gave me his # and asked me to stop by this place where he usually hangs out. So, i thought to myself, why not. I went, but it was kind of odd cause we only talked for like 20 minutes and he said he had to leave. He said he will call me later to see if i will be at the coffee shop. but i didnt go there that evening and neither did he call. The next day i stopped at the coffee place to check my email and bumped into him again but this time he was busy reading and didnt really want to talk. So, i just did my thing and he left without even saying bye. So, i had to get back in town the next day and sent him a text message saying it was nice to meet him, but i didnt get any response back. i guess he lost interest or something in me, dont know why. probably cause i am NOT good at this. but i gave it a shot and it felt good to know that i still have something in me to attract men with. So, what do u think? did he just figure, i didnt live there so whats the point? i did not gve him any indication of wanting to be more than friends... i dont want to be in a relationship now, just want to meet new people. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 I think you did fine. If he was that interested in seeing you again, he would have called or made an effort to talk to you the next time he saw you. Who knows - people can be fickle, perhaps he met someone else that night or had had an argument with his wife or girlfriend that was resolved by the next day. Link to comment
HDD Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 i know he is single but you are probably right, maybe he met someone else or something, but it would be helpful to know why he couldnt have texted me back and said nice to meet you too. but it did feel good to be asked out even for 20 min and by a very well qualified bachelor. too bad we couldnt be friends. i just dont know how to handle these situations... kind of rusty u know. any tips? where does one go to meet people? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 How do you know he was a bachelor or well qualified? I think texting is very impersonal and maybe he didn't receive it or because it's impersonal/casual, he didn't feel he needed to respond. I have met people on on line dating sites, through friends, through work, and at religious functions, at parties as well. Link to comment
HDD Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 because when we were talking, he didnt mention anything about a gf or wife and his conversations were more geared towards him and how he spends his time. he told me is a resident doctor and was planning on buying a house. so i figured he was single. he asked me who i came with and i said my sister, so i guess he figured i was single too so he asked me out. the only reason i texted him is because he texted me first to give me the address of the place he wanted me to go to. so i figured he was a text person. i am not big on texting but i didnt want to call him so i figured the frist method was more casual. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 So, after one conversation you trust that he is single and a doctor - and because of that - even if true - that makes him automatically a quality person? Not meaning to be harsh -- we all make quick judgments at times but just remember he is a complete stranger and you have no idea if he is the type who is reliable or follows through. There are unreliable people -- he happened to be one of them. If you made a mistake it was in presuming he was a quality guy and presuming he would follow through. Not a big mistake in the least but since you asked I figured I'd share. Hope that's ok. Link to comment
HDD Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 oh i totally understand what you are saying. i didnt believe what he said, so i had to google him up and sure enough he was telling the truth. and i know his is single cause i saw his myspace profile and it didnt seem like he had a gf. but then again, i could be wrong. nevertheless, it was an interesting experience. i deleted his # from my cell two days ago. over it. it was good practise. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Exactly - it is great practice - welcome back to the scene, woo hoo. p.s. i wouldn't rely on a myspace profile . .. . but I am impressed that you googled (I always used to do the same!) Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 i think the way you handled yourself in that situation was very good. I think it doesn't matter if he lied or he told the truth..for one, you don't want a boyfriend.. you just want to go out and meet people...and that you did! Secondly, it didn't work out ..so need to worry about it. I say keep on at it..have fun..enjoy yourself and you'll be just fine. Link to comment
HDD Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 yes i do NOT want a bf right now. but i would like to interact and meet new people and feel attractive again. u know what i mean. i guess it just takes time. Batya, i google everyone up I dont trust myspace a lot but its fun to see what people have to say about themselves. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 just go out partying one night...you are bound to meet some new people, guys and girls. this guy sounded like he tried to pick you up for a quickie. if he was uninterested the 2nd time it seems more likely. that doesn't mean he didn't find you attractive though. that is good. sounds like you still got it. and from the sound of it, you didn't even have to flirt. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
HDD Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 Hmmm a quickie huh? I had no idea. i thought he was actually decent lol anyways, glad that didnt go any further. the problem with me is i am not a flirt and i dont like to flirt. its nice when a guy starts a conversation with me but unless i feel a vibe from him, a strong one, i wont approach him. so, i guess he did find me attractive which is good... hopefully there are more out there for me to talk to just so i can practise and make friends. i am not a big party/drinking person so that might be kind of hard to do. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 well, find an art thing at a university to go to. those can be fun. some interesting and attractive people at those. i'd stay away from the internet though. lots of freaky people to meet up with there. i've heard horror stories. i will never try it. i can usually strike up a conversation with an attractive female no problem. i have no shame. so i'm the guy that tried, if i strike out, oh well. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
HDD Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 i dont mind when a guy starts a conversation with me, as long as he isnt a weirdo and there is some form of attraction between us. i am not an internet person as well. i find it wayyy tooo scary and too many untrsutworthy people out there. so i guess i will have to try it the good old fashioned way... go out there and do things/activities. the art show sounds like fun... i will have to give that a shot. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Many of my friends who you would consider "a catch" from your initial description have met similar "catch-like" men and women on the internet and are now married to them. Link to comment
HDD Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 i have friends who have met their husbands online as well. but i just find it scary to talk to someone whom i cant see. maybe its just a personal thing but i prefer to see them rather than talking to them online. although being online would be safer in many ways. i tried to give it a shot one time but i just couldnt do it. maybe i dont trust what people say about themselves. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Then talk on the phone for 10 minutes and meet in person ASAP as long as he doesn't seem scary/unstable on the phone. And, as long as you are willing to put in the 1.5 hours or so it takes (i.e. 10 minutes to freshen up makeup, 30 minutes roundtrip transportation, 45 minutes on the date - yup, got it down to a science;-) Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 good old fashion way for me. in person 1st impressions, talking after. never fails. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Yes, that is how on line dating can work too, other than you take the extra step to arrange the meeting and that gives both people a chance to be a little more selective about the "wish list" of qualities they are seeking in a mate. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 sorry, but i do not think that online dating can give you a great first impression. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 No - typing and talking cannot - meeting in person can. The impression on the phone and on e-mail should be "I think I could talk to this person for 45 minutes over coffee" - that's it. The great first impression happens, if at all, when you meet in person. Link to comment
HDD Posted February 23, 2007 Author Share Posted February 23, 2007 i guess when it comes down to it, its just a matter of personal preference. everyone does not have the oppertunity to meet people online, but one can give it a try. i have stopped saying things like, "i will never date anyone online" because i have done a lot of things that i once thought i would never do. so, even though this method has worked for Batya, Ghost on the other hand prefers more of a personal/face2face interaction, like me. but that doesnt mean online dating does not work, becuase it has and i have seen success stories. its just not my cup of tea. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 i bash the online stuff a bit i guess. i just don't recommend it to anyone. this is just based on my experience through my friends that have tried it. i really get a feel for someone in person first even before a chat on the PC or on a phone. ......................................................................................................................................................................................... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 i guess when it comes down to it, its just a matter of personal preference. everyone does not have the oppertunity to meet people online, but one can give it a try. i have stopped saying things like, "i will never date anyone online" because i have done a lot of things that i once thought i would never do. so, even though this method has worked for Batya, Ghost on the other hand prefers more of a personal/face2face interaction, like me. but that doesnt mean online dating does not work, becuase it has and i have seen success stories. its just not my cup of tea. I am with you - strongly prefer face to face interactions - I just don't mind having that happen by responding to an ad on a dating site. Link to comment
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