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the short version of my story is...


i dated this guy for over 2 years, we broke up in june and after months of no contact, we got back together in october. from oct to dec things were going as well as they were before. we had a great relationship, we never fought and there was a lot of shared interests and trust between us. he broke up in june due to his own life issues like is job etc... and i respected that and gave him his space although it was really difficult. i accepted him back in oct because i figured since the break up was not based on reasons due to our relationship directly, it could still be salvaged.


fast forward to my birthday on new years eve. we go to dc to visit mutual friends. i click on his phone to check the time and a message popped up that read "thanks for the flowers they were beautiful" before jumping to conclusions, i learned he gave them to a girl he was talking to this summer who recently had surgury. at this point i was confused with were i stood so i asked him about it. he then tells me he only sees me as a friend (while we were cuddling).


i asked him what he is looking for in someone and his reasons were he prefers more of a girlier girl, someone who doesnt like football or can drink with the guys etc... i was really hurt by this because its not like my personality has changed in two years, he also said he cant see himself having kids with me. in my opinion, these reasons seem pretty lame. since my birthday, i have not spoken to him. it will be almost 2 months of NC, but i will see him in a week when im around the same mutual friends at college again. in a previous post a few months back, i asked advice on what to do when i see him. now, im more nervous than ever to see him because my feelings toward him are different. the first time, i was not angry toward him and i accepted the break up because i respected the fact that he did not lead me on, and now i cant help but see him as a liar and someone who took advantage of my feelings for his own selfish reasons. i dont think i deserve what he did to me and i dont know how to go about seeing him again.


i guess the advice im looking for is do his reasons for breaking up seem legit? and if you were me, and you heard these reasons, how would you approach seeing him after 2 months of not speaking? thank you kindly for your time and advice.

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Hi Psu11,


It's hard to judge from his comments whether he really told you the truth about his reasons for not wanting to be with you anymore. His comments were particularly blunt and harsh, so the least you could say is that he is completely insensitive. Were his reasons a little lame? In my opinion, yes. And if I had to guess based on my instincts then I would say that he didn't tell you the whole truth. But that's just my feelings, I would need more in-depth info to be completely sure.


Either way, in terms of how you should approach him when you resume college then I would suggest that you go all out to look as hot as you can and then just blank him. Give all your attention to your other friends. Maybe you might notice a little spark of jealousy from him!


But definitely I wouldn't give him the time of day. He made no efforts to protect or spare your feelings, so what do you owe him? What will you get from talking to him, or being friends with him? And do you really want him as just a friend anyway, would a friend have been so harsh with you? I think you are really better off without him, and if your photo is anything to go by then you're not going to struggle to find another guy!


Take care, wish you all the best...

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i accepted him back in oct because i figured since the break up was not based on reasons due to our relationship directly, it could still be salvaged.


there had to be something wrong with the relashonship, no one brakes up with someone their head over heals with because they have work problems(unless its a really extreme situation). in a good healthy relashonship people work through problems together, i mean thats the whole point isnt it?



and now i cant help but see him as a liar and someone who took advantage of my feelings for his own selfish reasons


those are your words, not mine.

i think deep down you understand what happened but are still having a hard time accepting it.

i dont know if you want him back or not, dont know the entire story obivusly but if you do dont take him back unless he really shows effort, other wise i think he is looking for safty and not love.


if you see him just be confident, happy, and feel good about yourself.

if that avatar is a real pic your a babe show him you your strong and secure. look for a guy that likes tom boys, that loves you for who YOU ARE and not who you might turn out to be.

i can tell you out of personal expirience that there are a lot of guys out there that spend lots of time looking for tom boy type of girls.

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thank you very much for your replys and insights...


both of you bring up good points. i guess its hard for me to accept these reasons because they seem too unreal to end a two year relationship over.


astaro, i competely agree with working through problems, whether its personal or relationship issues, that in part is why i was really confused when things ended the first time. ive been through break ups before and each time it was a "build up" to a break up. but this one was completely out of the blue, no warning, no fight, no lack of interest. nothing.


at this point i definitely do not want him back, im cringing at the fact that ill have to see him again.

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