Am I overreacting?

[niceguy86]

My Girlfriend got a UTI back in the beginning of Janurary and it lasted for about 2 weeks by the time she was off the antibiotics. It came at a bad time with exams in university and stuff. Since then we havent been having sex. She says shes scared shell get it again during school, and its a mental thing. We still have oral sex, but no intercourse. Also, she usually would shave her pubic hair, now she hasnt since. She says she never has time. She says well start having sex again after school ends, before summer in April.

 

Now, should I be more understanding of this change in her sexual behaviour or should I worry?

[RayKay]

Personally, I find it a bit odd. Particularly as UTI's do not come just from sex, and there are SO many ways to reduce risks (i.e. proper diet, urinating after sex, cranberry juice/yogurt, low stress).

 

I think her saying that you will start after school ends in April is a bit odd, and seems to be ignoring the effect (and permanent) ones it can have on your relationship when someone makes a unilateral decision like that. It won't be easy for YOU after many months to just feel "back to normal" even if she does start having sex again....

 

They really DO suck though, I have only had one ever, and it was in my kidney's and it was horrible (I had to be hospitalized!) - I would NEVER want to go through that again!

 

 

As for the shaving thing (or rather not shaving) no idea what to say...either she does it for you and not herself which is why she stopped, or she is using it as a barrier of some sort....I don't know. I am very very very busy too and still have time to shave because it is for ME and I feel good about it for me. But, it is her choice to do it or not in the end.

[EvaGina]

she needs to pee before and after sex and drink plenty of water

I think she is being a bit silly to be honest

 

But on the other hand, you have no idea how AMAZINGLY painfull and uncomfortable a UTI can be.

[niceguy86]

whenever I bring up the subject to her she gets annoyed and doesn't wanna talk about it. I try to talk about it in the most respectful, mature way I can. I mean, I love her, and she says she loves me, and everything has been great. We had sex regularly before she got a UTI, so im not sure what to think. It really makes me feel insecure. She says the reason is because of the UTI, and i told her there are so many things we can do to prevent it again, but she says she doesn't even wanna take the chance...

[BeStrongBeHappy]

hmmm... very odd. so is she not gonna have sex the rest of her life because she is afraid of a UTI... sex CAN contribute to UTIs if you don't empty your bladder afterwards, but then nobody would have sex if UTIs universally caused it all the time.

 

sounds like an excuse to not have sex... are you sure that she doesnt have a worse problem, like herpes or genital warts of something that requires longer treatment that she is keeping from you?

 

either that, or she's decided she can do without sex...

[EvaGina]

^^ I know a girl who gets a UTI every time she has sex, somthing to do with her urethra being abnormally close to her vagina...

Shes been to the doctor and there isnt really anything they can do.

 

BUT, that doesnt seem to be the case with this girl, she got spooked and she is going to have to get over it.

"sounds like an excuse to not have sex... are you sure that she doesnt have a worse problem, like herpes or genital warts of something that requires longer treatment that she is keeping from you?"

[caro33]

I'm writing the below based on the assumption she's telling the truth why no sex.

 

I'm one of those who gets UTIs from sex, but only when it's been a new person, and once when I think it was too rough by accident.

 

Each time I have ended up peeing blood within hours, sometimes in hospital, and the pain is excruciating, like I'm being turned inside out. The antibiotics kick in pretty quickly but I need really strong ones, and I live in fear of another one when antibiotics are not available. Until I recently became pregnant I carried the antibiotics with me everywhere just in case - it's just so fast and so dehabilitating when I get one. Hope I don't get one now I'm preg.

 

Thing is, even though I've only had five UTIs or so, the memories remain! It's an awful thing to contemplate. I always pee before and after sex, and I take cranberry tablets if I feel neurotic about it.

 

Your girlfriend needs to get control of this, but you know that. This is manageable. If she urinates after sex and you both keep clean, this should not happen regularly (unless she's unfortunate like Eva friend).

 

If she treats one quickly enough it won't last more than a few hours, and probably before any major pain kicks in. Why not suggest going with her to a doctor to discuss how to manage her concern, and maybe even to do what I did and get some spare drugs just in case?