How to let go....Finding it easier said than done!!

[houdini]

Hello,

 

Just wanted to vent on my 5yr relationship with now ex-gf. 3 of those years has been a long distance relationship 2 of the years we lived together but I had to move back to Ca. for my daughters from a previous marriage, she also has two daughters from a previous marriage.(she lives in Las Vegas I live in California) We managed to maintian the relationship as best as possible for the sake of our son that we have together which he'll soon be 4yrs old in april..so those of you that can do the math yes we got pregnant shortly after we met. Anyhow, the past 2yrs have been the long distance relationship and really had no choice because we were settled in our careers, school,family and children but kept it together as much as possible for our son. Well she dropped a bomb on me that she wanted to be alone, there is no one else she just has alot going on with her new position at work, school and the kids. she lives with her parents 34yrs old and I feel she is comfortable and secure right now in her life and felt it was to big of a risk for her to move which I can totally understand but why lead me on for the past 2yrs that she was going to move (phone conversations and a ton of emails to backup this claim).

 

This ripped my world apart as I was left with empty hopes, dreams and no future to raise my son together with her. Her 2 daughters from her previous marriage do not have a father and she basically took that away from my son because it is close to impossible to have a healthy relationship with him when I live 6hours away. What goes through a woman's mind in this case, is she that stubborn and hard headed to think that it's ok to dump both fathers and be happy knowing that she'll be the only parent? We had our issues and she constantly blames me for the failure in our relationships. The last message I got from her was on monday and it said "I got tired of hoping and waiting for your love and I got tired of feeling, Right now I want to be alone" This is very unusual for me because just a little over a month ago (2 weeks prior to breaking up with me) she said she was ready to move, she couldnt live without me and is miserable without me.... So this has totally messed me up emotionally and psychologically...This past saturday when we talked she said she had to much going for her there where she lives, her job and the possible doors it will open for her and school, plus her kids are established. I feel she didnt even give me the opportunity or option to move back to Las Vegas, she basically cut me out of her life....to be alone.

 

 

Anyhow, I guess my question or advice I need is how to let go!!! I'm hurt, bitter and getting angry and it's consumed my life because she basically raped my life of any hope and future of having a normal family with my son. I have numerous thoughts of wanting her to regret her decision and I know that I have to let that go but I'm hurt, hurt badly by what she's done. Some may think it's not selfish on her part but to me it is. Not only has she deprived me of a future with her and our family but our 4 daughters and our son also. Relationships have problems, love has it's stages from honeymoon stages then you work to maintian that relationship and twice she's chosen the easy way out with her ex-husband and now me and the ones that pay are the kids. She'll eventually love again but who does that benefit??? The kids will wonder where their dad is or why their mother didnt try harder to make it work with their dad. I know I'm rambling on and on here but I just have to get this off my chest. I've done all the things superdave said not to do in hopes to show her how much I love her and how much I want it to work for us and the kids and it just falls on deaf ears.

 

I just want one last hoorah!!! to say to her or make her feel... "This is your loss" because how dare she make decisions so easily and have total disregard for all of us involved. If it were just me and her and no kids I can accept it and it would be alot easier but there are 5 little helpless lives involved and she should have given it a better shot than she did...but then again in her eyes she did just that.....So how do I let go, when I hold so much bitterness, resentment and anger towards he for doing what she did......I can't heal when I feel the way that I do....

 

Any help or advice or slap in the face would be greatly appreciated.

 

Mario

[vimora]

Just broke up with bf yesterday so not exactly in best mindset to give advice. Nevertheless, don't do anything while you're still angry, you are going to regret. Think about your son, you need to distance yourself so you get gain some sort of control and be able to think rationally.

 

OCCUPY yourself!! Go to gym, hang out with friends, get a hobby, built a shelf anything!!!!! Be constructive.

 

I don't know about the child situation since I don't have kids, so I guess it's okay to call but only to speak to your son. Be cold, don't speak to her.

 

And then when you're in control and calm, think of what the best solution is. 'Cause now, you wanna act out of revenge, to punish her but if you do something right now, you might end up hurting yourself and your son.

 

Now to crawl back into my hole.

 

Vimora

[houdini]

Vimora,

 

Thank you for the advice I appreciate it. Did you post the details of your breakup on the forum? Why did you break up with your boyfriend?