How long should this last?

[jordan1234]

So, My Gf andI have been broken up for four weeks. We had a period a week before that where we were on a break after a stupid fight over pretty much nothing lead to her stating she wanted one......in my other posts i have explained more but i will give a over view:

 

- she was 1 1/2years over a 4 year relaitonship with her college sweetheart whom she lived with. She broke it off whe he gained tons of weight, started becoming mean, neglectful, etc....i can tell it was very hard but she seemed over it

 

- we dated for 2 months - said she was worried about starting something - we were back 2 days later

 

- 1 months later again we were getting closer - she freaked - we broke up for a day befoe she begged me back...

 

- we had sex for the first time - a week later she freaked - things too serious but again were back together in a few days....i was worried here but things were really getting good..

 

- she said i love you in a veyr emotional way - a week later she freaked - we broke up again for a few days but got back

 

- thats takes us to last december (so about 9 months of this) - things are great we are planning a trip and she again freaks - we break up

 

now this break up seems different - she says she doesnt have the same feelings i do, etc, etc. I say goodbye, as i am used to this now. She calls a few weeks later, we have dinner. this starts things up a little again. Basically the next 4 months is a roller coaster - i date another girl for a month, she calls every few weeks, we see each other once month - at one point she gets angry and says we will never be back when i push a bit. It was awful....i missed her...but i truly thought this was coming from her (insecurities) and less from how she felt abou tme.

 

So, so bythe end of march we started hanging out more and more (all form her, i never called her). She wanted to get back. we did and it was amazing. over the next year things were greta - no issues, just pure enjoyment, we both learned from some mistakes, i was a little guarded but very happy.....

 

so during decemebr things were getting a little boring. The "honeymoon" stage was over i thought, but i still loved her and knew this was what it was. we fought a little more than usual and were less amorus than usual but things were still happy. we ahd a great christmas, spending time with both families. Great new years.....then a week after get into a fight and she wants a break only to end things a week later.....

 

So, its now been 4 weeks since i have seen her and nothing. not texts, no calls. i have heard throught eh grapevine there is no other guy and she is very strict about men and bars, etc... she doesnt reall ylike to go out drinking. we are in our late 20's btw....now this is a little different from last time as i havent heard a thing and i have been good with NC.

she said the same thing to me about the reason for the break up as last year - she doesnt have strong feelings, doesnt want to hurt me, confused, etc...

 

anyway i am starting to worry since i have not heard at all from her and am wondering if i should call her or e-mail....since this has happened before (even suggested she has seasonal affect whcih is why this happens inthe winter) i feel that she will get over this again and realize her feelings since that has happened so many times. i love her; i cant help it; i am rying tomove on, but more and more i see her as my life partner and i am hardpressed to give up totally...

 

i know this is very long but my question is how long until someone might realize a mistake...after 4 weeks is that too long-short? can we be totally apart for 4 months and still get back if her feelings change...has this happened to people? i probabyl have more hope since this ahs beena pattern....any advice would be great...

[darkpumpkin]

From what I've read she seems to have had the time to figure it out. Don't get me wrong she may think "Damn we did have something good" but it still wasn't enough for her to stay. i don't know her or you or your relationship but I would have to say with that many break ups and getting back together to just leave it and give her space. When/If she comes back for your own happiness you should make it clear that she shouldn't come back unless this is truly, absolutly where she wants to be.

[jordan1234]

dark,

 

 

i agree, thats why i was surprised last year when we broke up how we got back together (she said her feelsing grew when we were apart), and how things seemed so great only to end so quickly. I mean this whol story is over a two year period. I guess we probably have not had a period of at least no texting for 4 weeks throughout though. maybe this is it, but she seems to have more internal issues than issues with ME. i mightbe wrong though...i dont know

[darkpumpkin]

No I have to agree. It's internal. It sounds that in the 2 years she's going over your relationship in her head...do I...don't I.....is this fair to him....is this fair to me. If nothing else the 4 week n/c is good for both of you. In fact a longer period would be even better. I know you love her very much but really look at this behavior from her, does it make you happy to always wonder the second you get to close she breaks it off.

[jordan1234]

To be honest when we are together it is a really close bond. Closer than i have ever felt. The unhappy times, as you can see in my bullets, are a minority of the time, and for most of the time we were broken up last year we were talking/or i was dating someone else (not even close). So i guess while its hard, it is a much more fullfilling relationship then most i have been in and things have been stable yet not what i wanted. I mean we have an amazing friendship/values/that other stuff. its always been amazing. i agree i think its going to take a long time this time. A period where she can truly reflect without me. I guess im just nervous that it will be too long for reconcilliation......that is my biggest fear.....but i see many stories where time period s have been longer so i dont know...