Really confused and need some advice

[confusedguy11]

Ok here is the deal. I have been with this girl for almost a year, but she seems to be trying to destroy our relationship for some reason. We live together....

 

Now, we met online I visited her a few times and decided to move up here. We got an apartment together, and were actually making a long distance relationship turn into a real one.. Anyway since day one she has been acting very secretive. She still talks to her ex, who subsequently hasnt gotten over her. I tell her it bothers me yet she still talks to him behind my back.. She also constantly flirts with other guys, and when I bring it to her attention that it bothers me she turns the tables on me and makes me feel guilty for having feelings. She has really never had any relationships that last longer then a year and takes pride in that fact. She is very secretive, says its because she wants her independance and privacy... Yet lying about where you have been and who you are talking to does not fall under privacy.. I guess I have serious trust issues with this person.. No matter how well I treat her she still goes out of her way it seems to disregard my feelings. Now my question is this, why is this girl out to ruin every relationship she is in?? She cheated on the ex that still talks to her... The last boyfriend got fed up to. It's almost like no matter how good she has it she tries to dismantle any relationship she is in... I am not used to dealing with someone who when communicating my feelings to them they give me the cold shoulder and go out of their way to hurt me.

 

I know you can say well just leave her.. Well it's not that easy.. Im in a foreign place, know virtually no one, and would not be able to get a place with just my income at the present time. So in essense she has me by the balls and knows this.. I think it may be partially the reason she acts the way she does.. After all she can do and say as she pleases.. Where am I going to go if I get fed up?? The street?

 

Any and all advice welcome, I want this to work, but how can it when she appears to distance herself whenever someone gets too close.

[AwdreeHpburn]

confusedguy - have you thought about just doing your own thing too? I mean, like without her?

 

I'm not talking about moving out or saying anything to her about a break up, but just getting up in the morning and going about your business. Do what you have to do for the day, do what you WANT to do for the day, come home and go to bed.

 

I have a feeling if you stop trying so hard and stop being sooo ridiculously nice to someone who treasts you like poop, she'll see she isn't getting the reaction that she's getting now and it will confuse her.

 

She will start asking questions.

 

When she does, you can tell her what you just typed here.

 

You feel she's done but you don't really have many options in the way of getting out, so you're making do. Act non-chalant about the whole thing. It'll drive her nuts!

[Gus Almighty]

Some girls like to play games, others like to play the games more than others.

 

I feel like you probably have a real game addict and its just a matter of time before she does the same to you....protect yourself mentally and emotionally if you really wanna stay.

 

It sounds like she could be wanting to return her rental.

[Goblin]

You have fallen into a trap!

 

This girl is controlling you and taking advantage of your good nature. Youre only helping her out controlling you more. Do something abt that before she does something more to you. Just be your own man and like awdree said act non-chalant. Show her u can stand on ur own feet Bro!

[confusedguy11]

Great feedback...

 

Guy: I know the game well.. But it's hard to me to play when I have feelings for the opposite team...

[Momene]

Is there any way you could move on to anywhere else?

 

I'm not telling you to quit but my advice is to have a parachute plan just in case.