I dont know what to do

[Boxerlover]

Hi everyone,

 

Im at my wits end and really dont know what to do my boyfriend of three months says he need's some space the reason being he get's scared when he

gets to emotionally involved, beacause he has never really gotten over his wife having an affair 5 years ago he said she has destroyed him emotionally and physically.

 

We have some really lovely times together and Im heartbroken because he says he still wants to be with me but has so many problems, he cant show his affection physically but he is so loving and caring in other ways, anyway he has told me he has been addicted to Morphine and Anti deppressents for 6 years, and now he has met me wants to do something about it.

 

Thats when he said he needs space he has started to have councilling last week and tells me he has stopped all his Morphine and Antidepressents!!!!.

can you really do that after all those years?? I dont really know whether to believe him or not I dont really know much about addictions.

 

He has txt me but wont see me he says he cant face me and wants to sort his problems out at first but I really dont know what to do Im not sleeping or eating properly I really want to try and help him through this

[HarleyHunny]

I hope he has found a support group or rehab to help with his addiction. I commend him for the effort but it's unlikely he can just 'quit'.....I'd suggest looking into NA for yourself. The more information you have about addiction, the better you can help yourself and him.

 

Good luck to you both.

[karvala]

It's good that he's told you about the addiction, and the reasons for his difficulty in showing affection. That indicates at least some degree of seriousness for improvement on his part.

 

Anti-depressants are not chemically addictive, so any addiction he has to those will be purely psychological, and it is possible to break that by will and simply stop taking them. Morphine is another thing entirely; it's highly addictive, and he should really consider going to his GP and possibly getting a substitute, a support group, or even rehab, depending on how strong his addiction was. To just stop taking morphine and stick with it is a very difficult thing to do (though not impossible).

 

I hope, when he has the counselling, that he discusses the relationship and the issues left over from his marriage, as well as the addictions.

 

I think it's important for you to let him know that you're there for him, you're not judging him, and that you want to support him no matter what, to help him through this time; to emphasise that you don't need to wait for the finished article. Hopefully he will respond positively to that.

[Zaphod]

Anti-depressants are not chemically addictive, so any addiction he has to those will be purely psychological, and it is possible to break that by will and simply stop taking them.

 

I beg to differ slightly.

Lithium for a start is known to be very dangerous to suddenly come off. Psychologically - it can lead to suicidal tendencies if suddenly stopped.

[Semid]

Boxerlover, do not look for trouble.

I have been in a simmilar situation and you are only saving now for tomorrow's sorrows and crying. 3 months is not enough time for making this kind of commitment with a bf. Plus he is telling you that he needs space (the kiss of death from my point of view).

 

I know it is hard to realize you have to leave, but if I have done this 10 months ago, when my bf did something bizarre (like posting the pictures I took from him in a romantic trip (3 months into the relationship) in a dating service - I ignored all the red flags) I would have save myself a lot of suffering.

 

Think calmly, make a search about addictions (morphine, nothing less). Take a deep breath and decide what is better for you.

 

His recovery can last years. Do you have all this time? all this streght?.

[karvala]

I beg to differ slightly.

Lithium for a start is known to be very dangerous to suddenly come off. Psychologically - it can lead to suicidal tendencies if suddenly stopped.

 

Yes, but it's not chemically addictive. The definition is very strict, and no A/Ds as currently prescribed (including Lithium, although it's relatively unusual these days, and used only in quite severe cases where other medications have failed) fall into that category.

[anggrace]

Yes, but it's not chemically addictive. The definition is very strict, and no A/Ds as currently prescribed (including Lithium, although it's relatively unusual these days, and used only in quite severe cases where other medications have failed) fall into that category.

 

So is effexor not an anti-depressant? When I got off of that, I had terrible dizzy spells, was week and VERY emotional. It took months to completely go away. Im not being a smart"a", Im really just not sure if thats considered an anti-d.

[Boxerlover]

Thanks for your replies the anti deppressents he has stopped are Citroplan and he's adament he stopped them 4 weeks ago and the Morphine I just dont know whether to believe him. He still wont see me but still say's he need's time but he also keeps sending me messages I just dont know what he wants.

[Zaphod]

Yes, but it's not chemically addictive. The definition is very strict, and no A/Ds as currently prescribed (including Lithium, although it's relatively unusual these days, and used only in quite severe cases where other medications have failed) fall into that category.

 

You mean physical chemical addiction as opposed to psychological addiction?

Aha - I see

I agree.

[Semid]

Why would he lie to you about Morphine? that is cruel.... that is a very hard drug....

Why would he do that?

[karvala]

So is effexor not an anti-depressant? When I got off of that, I had terrible dizzy spells, was week and VERY emotional. It took months to completely go away. Im not being a smart"a", Im really just not sure if thats considered an anti-d.

 

Yes, effexor is an anti-depressant, but is not chemically addictive. That's certainly not to say that you won't have side-effects when you come off it; that's quite a different thing, and I can entirely understand why you had those symptoms.

[karvala]

You mean physical chemical addiction as opposed to psychological addiction?

Aha - I see

I agree.

 

Exactly so.

[Boxerlover]

He sent me a message this morning to say he went to his councilling yesterday and told me how much he misses me yet he wont speak or see me I just dont understand. Do you think I should start NC I just dont want him to think Im turning my back on him.

[Semid]

I do not know, it is very easy to give an emotional advice when you are not involved.

 

I just want to tell you to take care and place some emotional distance from all of his addictions and so on. If he is so unstable he is going to make you suffer one day or another.