I can't move on even after 9 months of no contact

[Aerozeppelin]

But when I broke up with my first boyfriend and I was unable to get over him for a while, no one told me, it was ok to not have gotten over him and that it takes time. It does take a lot of time, hang in there...Ask mutual friends if he has started to date someone...I am only asking you to do this becuse you wanted to know how to move on. This really helped for me....

 

Yeah everyone wants and expects me to be over him now and it's just not going to happen soon. He hasn't been dating anyone. I'd know from facebook I'm sure and we have mutual friends who would tell me, especially because they know it would, as you said, help me move on faster. I agree, it would, but yes it would also ruin me emotionally for a while.

[Aerozeppelin]

So can sense that there is alot fear, anger and resentment on his part and if he is seeing someone or if he's not he will always love you. My advice to you and I'm far from being an expert on this topic especially being the dumpee.... I would let him know how you feel, don't be needy just express your true feelings, regrets and put everything out in the open as to how you feel and leave the rest to him and keep moving forward... !

 

I sense he feels all of that too. Thanks for the reassuring words that he will always love me, even if it's not true it's nice to hear. I expressed all of my emotions to him as best as I could and it's just been hard knowing it didn't change his mind so that's something I've been learning to deal with.

[Aerozeppelin]

You hurt him, wounded his pride, and I do not get the impression that you have acknowledged this to him.

 

I think one last shot via letter to validate his feelings and let him know that you truly are sorry that you've caused him pain would be a really good idea. If that means being vulnerable and apologetic, so be it. ANd I believe he's defensive and angry with you because you come accross even in your post as not accepting responsibility for hurting him. He can smell it too and it's just ticking him off more.

 

And if he's still angry, you've done what you needed to do to be able to move on. But I would use NC only when you know it's over. I don't believe NC applies here.

 

I have acknowledged to him that I made a terrible mistake by leaving and that I realize all the hurt it caused him because I started putting myself in his place and it would make me cry. I told him I take all the blame, I told him I'll do anything to get us on track again, that I'll pay for couple's therapy for us, that I've already changed a lot of my ways.

 

I don't want to do NC but I don't want to piss him off by keep telling him the same things over and over about being deeply sorry, knowing I was a terrible person to abandon him like that and wanting to do everything in my power to make everything right again.

 

It's hard to convey over the internet my sorrow and regret but I do feel it or I wouldn't be posting that I'm not able to move on after 9 months. I carry a lot of guilt and I wish he understood how much I love him and how committed I am as a result of this experience to spend the rest of my life with him.

[Aerozeppelin]

Aero. First off I love your user name, two of the best bands ever.

 

I didnt read all the posts so i'm not sure how old you are. Depending on where you both are in life, he may want to focus on something besides a relationship, he probably is worried about getting hurt again.

 

It may take him awhile to contact you again. He needs to make the first move to talk again to show that hes ready to talk to you.

 

I feel like if you contacted him, it would lead where it did before.

 

 

that's great that you realized ,u user name is indeed incorporating two great bands even though it's just one of the band's song name =)

 

I'm 23 and he is focusing on moving to l.a. and getting his acting career going. He's actually moving to the same town that I live in currently, should be interesting. I agree he is worried about getting hurt again and I want to show him with my actions in person that he doesn't need to worry but he won't even see me.

 

I've always said every month that's passed maybe this month he'll contact me, it's already been __ long. So at this point I'm realizing it's close to a year and it just made me discouraged. But if you love someone, you're willing to wait so I'm doing that.

 

I'm afraid to contact him and set myself back so I will try to get my life plans going until he ever decides to contact me.

[Aerozeppelin]

In case anyone is interested, I have typed up a letter, you can pm me for me to show it to you. Thanks for all the advice everyone, every word of it has really opened up my eyes. I'm glad strangers will tell me like it is because you guys have been there and understand what it's really like, I know he's felt everything you said, it's true and I took that into consideration when writing this letter this time.

[Belle]

I have acknowledged to him that I made a terrible mistake by leaving and that I realize all the hurt it caused him because I started putting myself in his place and it would make me cry. I told him I take all the blame, I told him I'll do anything to get us on track again, that I'll pay for couple's therapy for us, that I've already changed a lot of my ways.

 

If you've done all of this and he's still lashing out, I don't recommend a letter. I wasn't aware you'd taken big strides to admit culpability. If he's still highly resistant (euphemism) to your attempts to try to compensate for the hurt you caused him, maybe you should let it go. I would only recommend continuing to try to prove yourself to someone when they seem open to it, if fearful. But you've laid it out on the line and his response is pretty harsh. Now he needs to learn to live with his decision.