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I fell in love...with a man!

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Let me start by saying I adore women. I have always been attracted to women. I love everything about them. I am and have been out as a lesbian since I was 17. That's what makes what happened so weird...


I work with a man that I became friends with. He is about 10 years older than me. We would go out and have drinks sometimes. We had a lot in common, we both liked talking about girls. I never considered hooking up with him, but there was always a "spark" between us, even though he new I was a lesbian. There was something about him I could not get over. He's married w/kids. We talked a lot about his marriage. He is in a marriage that is friendly, but not loving. They stay together for the kids, are polite to eachother, but are not in love, don't have sex, etc. He genuinely cares for her, but he seems very lonely. He is caring, funny, smart, honest, handsome, and very open minded.


Well, we had been drinking a bit one evening and we ended up having sex. I was the aggressor. He was the most amazing person I had ever been around. I was the most mind blowing, sensual, experience I have ever had. I have never had an orgasm like this before. I have orgasmed with girls, but this was multiple orgasms that left me shaky for 20 - 40 min. It's like our bodies work perfectly together. I have not had sex with a man since high school. We continued to hook up for sex because it was so incredable. We both were clear that this was just for sex, and it was for a while. This is where it gets really weird...


I am completely in love with him. And I can tell he loves me. The way he talks to me, touches me, respects me. We can talk about anything. He is very manly and very feminine at the same time. He cares about issues with women. His touch gives me goosebumps. He makes me feel amazing when he smiles at me. I just want to be around him all of the time.


I was sure that I could never be with a man, relationship wise. But now I don't know. I've never felt this way before and I'm 28. I thought I was a lesbian. I am still a lesbian..I think. I don't understand how this could happen. Can amazing sex cloud your mind and change you?


I'm so confused. I want him. I want him to leave his wife and have a relationship with me. I think this is the person I could spend the rest of my life with. I know it's wrong, and I don't care. I feel like a horrible person.


Am I still a lesbian? There are so many feelings inside of me. Am I turning my back on what I really believe in? It just feels so right to me. I have told a couple of my friends and they are mad at me - they can't stand men.


Life has really mixed me up here.

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Congrats! Sounds like you've found a new and exciting path in your life.


I disagree with the terms lesbian, hetero and bi. They are nothing more than convenient labels that mankind uses. I don't think it matters one bit what the sex is of the person you love...as long as the love is there. So, it seems that you are able to enjoy the company of both men and women, and you've found a person that you have fallen in love with....isn't that enough? Forget those d@mn labels and just LOVE. Like the man said, Love is all you need.

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Hey nate -


I can't tell you if you're still a lesbian or not - but what I CAN tell you is that I am not.


BUT - I have still met plenty of women I have thought we very sexually attractive and arousing. And many more women than men that I have had a spark with and felt a deep connection with.


I think, and I know there wll be plenty who disagree, that we all have the capability to fall for either gender. Its most often just a matter of a heavier preference.


Whilst you may MOSTLY prefer women, this time....not so much.


I'm sure it IS confusing but only societally.


Wouldn't it be nice if we could just live in a day when we can just be free to feel how we do and act accordingly?


Either way, I think the term you may fit more catergorically under, if you need a label, is bi-sexual. Because, like I said, whilst you may more strongly prefer one, you are OK with the other. In this case MUY Ok....


Go with it.


Don't worry so much or get hung up on the gender thing.


What you really SHOULD be more concerned about is the fact that he's married!!!!

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Thanks. I guess I'm just taken back by the strong feelings I have for him.


I am concerned that he is married. But I have known him for a long while, and I don't think he is lying about his situation. Maybe i'm just justifying it because I want him so badly. I guess I might have to face reality that we may never be able to be together "for real".

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Two things come to mind for me and they are:


1. If you are/were a lesbian, would that cause a problem if you two were to begin a relationship?


2. Most importantly, should you be involved with a married man?


I hope things work out for you, regardless of your choice with what to do in this relationship. Remember that very few people can find that perfect person for them...

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Well, we talked yesterday and I told him how I felt about him, us and his marriage. I told him I was confused, but I have very strong feelings for him. He admitted that he was falling for me and did not know what to do.


I am moving away within the next year. We talked and he said that even if he did dicorce his wife, he could not leave town because of his kids. He said that even if he was not married, he would still want to be there for his kids and his ex-wife. Geez, it makes me love him more.


So it looks like we will continue to see eachother until I leave. I told him that if he ever moves, I hope he lets me know. I will always have a place in my heart for him. I know that it might not be right to keep seeing him, but you cannot believe how he makes me feel. It's worth hurting later when I leave. I don't want to give him up yet.


Then again, he could divorce and I might stay.


Maybe I will just go with the flow for a while. I don't care anymore what my friends say. I told one of them that if she didn't understand, then she wasn't my friend. We'll see how that goes.


I thought last night that maybe I should be happy that I met somebody this special, even if we will never truly be a "couple". I am learning more about myself every day. He has made me more confident and more secure with myself.


But I do want him. I still wouldn't feel guilty if he left his wife. Selfish?


BTW - everything everyone has said is helping. It's nice to have others to share this with.

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Women have a hard time seperating their emotions when they have sex. Men are able to have sex and it not mean anything to them. Since you are a women it is possible for you to still be a lesbian. It is easy for you to have feelings towards him because you had sex with him. Like I said, it is very hard for women to separate there emotions when they have sex. When women have sex it effects them emotionally, physically, and psychologically. When guys have sex it effects them physically. Yeah, if they care about someone enough then it could effect them emotionally too.

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I agree with other posters that you are societally confused. I think that the fact that you identify as lesbian and have for much of your adult life says that you are a lesbian who fell for 1 man in a million.


Congrats on your new love!


I have a lesbian friend who is older (in her early 60s). When I first met her and we were talking about relationships she told me she fell in love with a man once and had a wonderful relationship with him and they were engaged. I forget now why the engagement ended. She called herself lesbian then and still calls herself a lesbian now even though she fell in love and had a relationship with a man once.


Since the relationship between the two of you started as sex and now feelings are gettting involved on both parts, it sounds like, I think you need to initiate a conversation with him and tell him how you are feeling about all of this. Can you continue an affair if he cannot leave his wife and kids? Would you really want to? It sounds like what you need to ask him is, "Where is all of this going?"

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Thanks Ballys.


What you wrote makes sense. I still identify as a lesbian, but I now know that it is just a label. This really opened my eyes to the fact that these feelings cross all boundries. Kind of cool really.


I did have a conversation with him last night. I told him that it sucks that we can't tell everyone we know about us. I want to and I can tell he does too. But the situation does not allow us to do it. He told me that he would understand if I backed away, but he hopes I won't. He is a very sweet man. I can tell that he does not want to hurt me, but that he knows I hurt when I think about not being able to totally have him.


I decided that I would rather have him like this than not have him at all. It's not that I am being weak, It's just that I am grateful that I get to feel this way, even if it is not perfect.


Even if he did leave his wife, could it work out? Maybe it's so great because I don't have to push him away (what I normally do in relationships) . Do I want to be that rebound person afterwards? Lots of questions, but It still feels good.

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Lots of questions, but It still feels good.



It always feels good in the beginning. Be careful. Also, I would talk to him about his relationship with his wife. Are you just a diversion? You want to know you mean as much to him as he does to you; right? I would watch things closely.


As an aside, I wish you happiness, but I would tread softly with a married man. My 2 cents and I wish you all you want in life, but I couldn't break up a marraige. I wouldn't want it done to me.

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Wow. Well life does throw things at you just like this one when you are expecting it the least. Im 24 and have always been 100% sure I was 100% lesbian and last year I developped a strong urge for sex with a man in a relationship with a woman for over 2 years! Let's just say I totally panicked and felt SO confused! I can understand the confusion! Id always heard labels. You could either be lesbian, bi or straight. This threw me in a huge depression, a life alterning crisis... With much help and therapy, I realized that sexuality is never set in stone. It changes over time and depends on the person. We have to accept that our sexual orientation might change over time or change for a person, or maybe it never changed because we only didnt know that side of ourselves. I have to say tho, that sexuality in women, I think in my experience anyway, is very deeply connected to emotions, and the amazing sex you had with that man could very well be the reason of your falling in love with him. During my hormonal boost craving men, I starting feeling more attracted to men, even emotionally, which I never had in my life... Anyway if you want to talk just email me


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