ever coming back???

[ansleynicole]

do you think that the more time that passes between when someone dumps you the less likely you are to get back together???? i have known people who have broken up for six months at a time and they got back together...i do think if it is meant to be that people can find one another again...and does it matter or have an affect if you see your ex a few times a week. i am desperately hoping that my ex comes back when he realizes what he is missing. he does have some head problems and divorce issues that he needs to work out for himself and i cant do it for him. he did say that he wouldnt find anyone who loves him more than i do...so why is he not with me? can it be that guys get scared and run for a while...i know i have asked this before but i dont really get all that many replies...

[Mar]

It could simply be that he needs to work out the issues of divorce himself, and seek his closure to one relationship before being able to put his heart honestly and completely into another one. Give him the time....divorce is a painful, painful thing to go through, and everyone needs that time to lick their wounds alone. He's not rejecting you, I don't think......I think he just needs some space right now to deal with turning a page in his life and being able to move on. If he's said that he won't find anyone who loves him as you do, then it's up to you to trust that, and wait for it, if that's what you truly want. From the sound of it, you want to wait. Then DO so. Just let him know that you're there for him if he needs you, but that you want him to come to you as a whole person. Let him know you love him and support him, and leave him alone after that. He'll appreciate the feelings and support, and if it's meant to be, he'll come back to you when he's healed.

[reborn]

Hi ansleynicole,

Sorry that you have posted this type of questions and receive few replies. I guess sometimes it is hard to answer this sort of questions. It is a little like fortune telling you know. We all wish the ones that dumped us and we still love would come back, and we all would like to know how long it will take. Maybe you haven{t gotten that many responses in the past because we are all sort of looking for the same answers, one way or the other. Sorry, ansley... I wish I could answer you too, you know, but I am currently struggling with the part of me that is asking me the same questions you are posing now, and the other part that wants just say to hell with ex! Sc**w him! And just pass page and move on with my life.

Right now my ex is contacting me with a bit more frequency. but it all seems like sickly friendly gestures. It has been 5 months for us. Like you I have been sort of secretly waiting he would screw his head on right and come back to me, as he was having lots of stresses and problems before. From what he tells me he is doing better now, his life a bit more in order, however....nothing as far as an indication of reconcilation or even an I miss you. (I do urge you to read a posting by Pebbles40 today about severing ties with her ex, I think it is in the healing after breakup forum. There you will see what the progess of coming closer my ex has made past 5 months.

I also wonder how it has worked out for couples that come together 6 months +, but I bet that having mutual honest and mature comunication about what went wrong in the relationship that led to the breakup must be an ingredient. Sometimes, it is not just about love ansley, sometimes is about having other factors that would naturaly motivate that person to want to try out a relationship with you again.

There are no magic potions, or set rules, or manuals for something like this. Only thing I{ve learned so far to try to stay as sane as posible and not let the desire of wanting him to be back paralize me, is that CANNOT CONTROL ANOTHER PERSON.

Even if the national average says most couple that breakup and go back together do it after x amount of months...everyone is different. Also I think that many guys unfortunately use this "I need my space/put my head together excuse" to get out of a relationship. I don{t mean his life is not a mess, and he probably was not resourcesful at the moment of the breakup to be with you. However, when somebody wants to be with you, they will no matter what. They don{t let nothing in the way no matter how hard ansley. That is not some clitche.That is truth. Just take your self as an example, would you say no to being with him if you had lots of problems? Probably not.

Think about it. And start focusing more on you.

-Reborn

[ansleynicole]

if it helps to know my whole story or the whole situation it is listed somewhere under "is there any hope??" it is a little long but it is the whole story and i like to know insight from people so that maybe i can see clearly and heal....

[reborn]

Ok ansley will read your posting. Also do read all you can in the forum. REad other people{s q&a because you can learn a lot this way, or at least get a better perspective on things. It isn{t custom made advice for your situation, but you´d b surprised how all this situation have a common thread. Also check out the q&a in this website: link removed You may find some helpful info there as well. Good luck and hope you get the right words, those you are seeking to hear.

-Reborn