When will i see u again?!

[S agapo]

My boyfriend and i live 100 miles apart.. i'm just finding it hard at times cos i don't see him as often as i would like to. He does understand how i feel and he knows i would like to meet his parents/family and friends, but he is in no rush for that, but most of all for the time being, i just wish we made more time for eachother during the weekends. We get to see eachother once a month, (known eachother for nearly a year) which isn't enough! either i travel to his area, or he comes to mine!

 

I find myslef all loney, cos i would like us to spend more time together and make time for eachother regularly,and there are times when i do get a little annoyed with him especially when i don't know when i will see him again, which does upset me, i mean, we do call eachother everyday, so thats cool. I do love him and love him for the person he is with all the qualities i am attracted too that makes him right for me, but I just want more here.. to be with him more and see him more!!

[Daligal83]

Is there any way that you can travel to see him so it's now always him having to do that? If you each took a trip once a month, I bet it'd make things a lot easier.

 

Also, what does he do with his weekends? What are his reasons for not being able to schedule more visits?

 

It concerns me that he dismisses how you feel about this so easily. I don't think he should be telling you that you shouldn't be upset about anything...if you are upset then you are upset. You guys need to talk about it and come to a solution that works for both of you and if he's not willing to do that...I'd seriously question this relationship. He may have all those great qualities...but those are all things he is, not how he treats you.

[arwen]

Hey Gemini,

 

Welcome to ENA! To be honest, I think that the actual distance is the least of your problems. I am separated from my bf by the same distance for reasons of our jobs in different parts of the country, and we both do anything to make our plans such that we spend as much time together as possible. He's mostly here on weekends, because I have a quiet place right in the old centre.

 

I think that his being not so eager to do a complete spectrum of things is the problem, him not willing to make more effort regarding the distance is only one of them:

 

- if he's interested in you, he should also, in time, be interested in introducing you to his friends and family and vice versa

- if you can't meet during the week, I think both parties have to invest in spending some time on the phone or msn. To illustrate: my bf and I always tell each other if we have plans that would intervene with our skype moments at night.

- no matter how busy someone is, a text message or email will take up like 5 minutes

- if you are not satisfied and communicate so, he has to take that seriously.

 

As Daligal says, a man can have all good qualities but that does not make him relationship material. To me it sounds like he's not willing to commit. And in a form of long-distance relationship, you DO need the sense of commitment. It's bound to failure otherwise I think. It sounds even to me like he uses the distance as a convenience to have more freedom than he'd have if it wasn't for the distance. But the reverse is true, distances can be survived as long as there is the prospect of living close to each other. My bf and I have been planning on moving in together since very early on, and we spend our time apart mesmerizing over what-would-be if he had a job here. It's stuff like that that makes it bearable to me. I was in a 1500km LDR, and because after like 5 months the contact only decreased and no plans were made whatsoever, we decided to call it quits. I am still happy for that, the distance became like an invisible wall of anxiety and nervousness for me!

 

Take care and I hope this helped to put things in perspective. Don't be ashamed of needing more out of your relationship. People differ in that respect, and if he can't commit to you in that way, that's not because you are asking for impossible things. It's just that for you, a relationship means spending the maximum of time together that is possible in the circumstances of having other friends, a distance, work, things in fact we all have to balance between!

 

Arwen

[S agapo]

WE both work full time. He works longer hours then i do tho and every saturdays too! Im not saying he should drop his family or friends, just for us to have more ''us'' time!