TraGicGoThJeSsy Posted February 19, 2007 Share Posted February 19, 2007 This is my first time here, For the longest i have been looking for a place to just vent it all out. I know it sounds stupid but if i dont get it out im really gonna go on the deep end. My whole life i have felt ignored and pushed aside by people so much that i actually went numb. I never felt understood noone understands me i really am a very good natured and loving person but the kicks i have took in my life has poisoned me towards everything. i really never had any friends it never worked out.They usually end up ignoring me without me doing anything to them in the end.. all i wanted was a little company and someone who would care but they never really care,, there all phoney.. Besides that i have family problems, we are a very big family where everyone used to be close but now everything is completely dead between us. we are not united at all.. the only people i do have are my mother dad and sis.... the other big chunk of my family that i once loved i discoverd are really horrible people and at every chance they get they turn and stab me in theback and of course i have a cousin whom, since we were kids was always favoured and put up on a pedastyle becauyse she is always so unlike me and perfect where as me im viewed as the ugly duckling and always so messed up. I hate them, i hate her.](*,) I hate me. ontop of everything all the pain ive been thru and the pains of rejection has made me so angry and so bitter im turned completely off to anything im so tired of being hurt time and time again i feel so afraid to put myself out there. If i let my guard down ill get hurt again and i cant let that happen. i dont think i could take another kick. i sometimes get so mad i wanna do things to myself, im so mad i brake things and carry on. Its so unfortunate really. Especially when you see some people who are perfectly happy with such simple things. They dont have to be rich, they may not own mansions and beautiful cars. But they are happy with themseleves and happy with there life. I am just not. simply put and sometimes the only reason i hang on is because i dont want to hurt my mother father and sister if not for them who knows what i would do? I sometimes feel really alone out there... i keep wishing i was someone else.. i know i not ought to do that but i cant help it.. i dont like who stares in the mirror back at me .. Quote Link to comment
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