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My husband and I have been married 25 +/- years. very opposite personality wise. I love to be out amongst people and he would rather be in the house alone. all the years of being married, I would go along with his way cause that's what this good wife wanted to do. Well now since our son is grown and gone I'm not sure this is what I want anymore and I can't see spending the next 25 years of my life like this. My husband considers himself anti social. and could care less about having friends. I have a ton of friends and they have been a blessing to me. I have more freedom than any other married woman I know. I vacation with girlfriends, shop, and run around with them, and he doesn't mind most of the time. I know alot of people and he has even made remarks about how everytime we do go anywhere I see someone I know. (Maybe alittle jealous)

I really think if he had his way I would be home by him on the couch all the time watching tv and eating.

 

I don't know if this is how I wanna spend the next 25 years of my life. I love him, but I am lonely. I want "him" to do things with me and enjoy them. I'm afraid he is so set in his ways that he would never be willing to change.

 

Counseling in out of the question. We even talked about divorce not long ago because "maybe i'm not the kind of girl he wants anymore". Go figure!!!

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I think you just need to meet him part way. Relationships are about compromise. You go out one night, stay in with him another.

 

Pick one or two nights a week, and have him go out with you. Another night or two a week you stay in with him and stare at the walls.

 

Then another night or two a week you go and do your own things. He can do his own thing.

 

If he cant meet you part way on something that simple... divorce might be the way to go. You deserve to be happy, not tied down and bored. Maybe you are just too different... I dunno.

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Tell him EXACTLY what you told us, but in a loving manner. See what he says. I agree that if he cannot meet you halfway then maybe a "seperation" instead of divorce can be attempted.

 

So, did you post this because you are set on a divorce, or do you really want to fix it? What would make you happy and NOT lonely? If he went out a couple of days, would you stay in for a couple of days and be happy about it?

 

Also, it is hard to find someone who doesn't care if you hang out with your girlfriends. Good luck.

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Hey 40-WhatEv -

 

i think I can sort of relate to that feeling of "can I really do this for the next X amount of years."

 

Sometimes it feels like you're doomed to it, other times you KNOW its not for you and still other times, you know you can make it better.

 

The absolute bottom line is......there is no absolute bottom line.

 

Its soooo different for everyone. You need to decide for yourself what you're ready for and where you're willing to go with all of this. Seems to me like posting about it prolly means you're ready to make a step in a direction one way or another....

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you married him for some reason. he didn't just poof, start lounging around the house, right? something draws you to stay with him.

my grandparents are the exact same. my granfather loves tv/movies/lounging around and my granmother loves to go out with the girls, go shopping, etc. same exact situation. (not calling you old okay) but they love each other so much that the differences of their 'wants' do not separate them from each other. they made a bond to each other and keep it regardless. nothing will separate them and they love the situation they are in. they both do what they want and still know someone is there to love them at all times. i wouldn't consider divorce here. i think you might be much more sorry after that happens.

 

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