Hard Times

[SimonSid]

Hey Guy's,

 

Me and my ex split up in November, we were together for 25 months.

 

At the time we agreed to be friends, however this never worked out.

 

Now she won't even talk to me, the only times she contacts me is to hurl abuse at me, or to tell me that her and her new BF are much happier than she ever was with me.

 

I don't know why we are at war like this, we broke up fairly amicably.

 

I'm thinking i may need to just give up and go into NC, but i dont know if i can do this, i feel like i need her in my life, because she changed me so much. I'm a different guy now, but im scared ill go back to being depressed and alone if i dont talk to her. Is this normal?

[melrich]

Your feelings are normal but I think the reality is you need to forget about being friends with this girl at least in the medium term. She seems to have made it clear, for whatever reason, that she's not interested in that and your interests may be better served by staying away from her.

 

Often with the passage of time, people's feelings and anger mellow and reconciliation at a friendship level becomes possible.

[crvers]

I will have to agree with Melrich.

 

Unfortunately as amicably a relationship can end, one person still ends up being the dumped individual. Regardless whether it was you or she who did it, she is taking the stance of the victim if she has decided to let you know about all your faults.

 

In the end its not fair to you and it will most likely cause you to plunge into a deeper depression caused by the harassment, than if you were to force yourself into NC. I would do it for now, and then test the waters some time down the line. If the test gives you a more civilized reply, then you can choose what you want to do.

 

Good Luck.

[shikashika]

Who broke up with who.. you say it was amicable.. but maybe that was only on YOUR terms.. Are you sure it was on her end?

[SimonSid]

We was arguing so much, and we wan't talking and our relationship was just about sex.

 

So we meet up for a weekend to try and sort it, but we ended up arguing so i said i think were finished and she agreed.

 

There was no real dumping happened. As i say we were friends for a while but now its just horrible, i think its gonna be NC.

[shikashika]

so you broke up with her?

 

Even when I didn't want to break up with someone.. and they told me it was over.. I never tried to plead and make them change their mind

 

so she did what a normal dumper would do.. agree with you.

 

I can see.. if she was hurt by you doing this, why she is doing what she is now.

 

You hurt her by breaking up with her.. and now she's trying to show you that she's better off without you..

 

just an idea..