I was fairly drunk and..

[RufusDawes]

I stumbled into a brothel and almost had sex with a prostitute, almost because I could not perform. I feel guilty about it, terrible infact, but I enjoyed it.

 

I have a lot of trouble trying to form a relationships with women. Its been diagnosed several times, I have a clear cut case of Asperger's syndrome. I don't see myself getting into a relationship soon, I work nights 6 days a week. I never go out. I don't have many friends. I don't blame my problems on the condition i just mentioned it so you can see the full story.

 

Am I a terrible person b.c I saw a prostitute ?

 

I had it in her for a bit and the condom slipped because it was not hard, i didn't notice it slip but she did and said it had to be harder. Should i get tested for HIV ?

 

In aus HIV is lower rate than in the us, 15/100k compared o 100/100k in us.

[shikashika]

If you feel better about knowing 'for sure' then go get tested.. No harm done in getting tested!

[quietgrl]

No, you're not a terrible person but you need to deal with being in a relationship with the opposite sex.RufusDawes if you're worried,I would get an HIV test.

[Portage]

You're only human, can't beat yourself up for having an urge and wanting some satisfaction. I'd definitely get myself tested in your situation.

 

Maybe you could work on bringing more people into your world. Having a friend or two always leads to networking and getting more involved in the real world. just my two Canadian cents.

[annie24]

hopefully you don't have it. usually women at brothels are tested pretty regularly, so i don't think it is too likely you have it. it's not going to show up in tests this soon anyway, so talk to your doctor and be honest. HIV can take up to 6 months to show up in tests.

 

no, I don't think you are a horrible person. your experience is not so uncommon, these things happen, so don't be too hard on yourself.

[isisastaria]

I have a family member with Asperger's syndrome. I think that has more to do with it than you might think. The good news is you are a very intelligent individual (I know this because of your diagnosis). I know sometimes you don't feel that way, but it is true. Asperger's is usually a "I am very smart ...actually so smart that I usually don't understand the stupid social cues and rules real well...it seems pointless".

 

So...STOP DRINKING...number one. You already might have some difficulty with judgements or being impulsive. If you throw alcohol into the mix, it is DISASTEROUS for you because of your diagnosis. I know in Australia this is hard. Is there a non-alcoholic drink you like that you could substitute?

 

My honest opinion? YOU ARE TOO GOOD FOR THIS WORLD.

 

Sometimes if it's hard to socially adapt, people look for other ways to connect to other people. Just because you MIGHT have a hard time socially, doesn't mean you don't need human connection.

 

Maybe avoiding the alcohol and brothels altogether is your best bet. Sound like it makes sense?

[skyrocket]

i was once told i have aspbergers syndrome,but i refused to believe it, also, they people said they cant help me cos i handle it really well, hmm i dont think i do

[EvaGina]

Im not sure about Aus, but here in NZ (Im sure our stats are similar) You have LESS chance of catching something off a hooker than just a random girl.

 

Sex industry workers have a 3% sti rate, while the rest of the population has a 9% sti rate.

 

I wouldnt worry... and imo, there is NOTHING wrong with seeing prostitues outside of a relationship, as long as you dont do what my mate did, get addicted and spend all your money on them

[isisastaria]

I have to say I disagree with Eva I am an American, so we may have different cultural upbringings on the issue. I think right now it is important for you to look into ways that you can learn to develope intimate loving relationships that are healthy and will help you grow as a person. YOU obviously had a problem with what you did and that is why I say this. Anything that is not okay with YOU should be avoided at all costs. I think the STD issue is beside the point. You are more concerned with the emotional aspect, and I get that....

[EvaGina]

Obviously its up to him

If he has a moral issue with it, then he shouldnt do it again...

 

No one should use prostitues as a substitue for a relationship, sorry if I gave that impression. But he also shoudlnt feel guilty about visiting a hooker once for a bit of release

[isisastaria]

I DO have a bit of an issue with the whole sex industry thing. I also have a lot of sympathy for the women who do it. They might say they are okay. But I hesitate to really believe that. Usually they have been seriously abused or mistreated and often times didn't start it by choice. They just don't think they are worthy of doing anything else.

 

My cousin became a well-known porn star and shot herself eventually. I guess I may have some sensitivities to this whole topic.

[isisastaria]

If you've ever seen "Shattered Innocence" as one of NBC's primetime movies, that was a movie made about my cousin.

[EvaGina]

Im sorry about your cousin.

 

I do realise that there are differences, but all industries have people working in them that hate their jobs and lives and are in their profession for the wrong reasons.

 

We feel that prostitutes have it worse off than other people because we feel sinsitive about the sex involved.

 

A lot of people are just as miserable without the sex.

 

I spent a lot of time with prostitutes for research at uni, it may be different here as it is legal, but a lot of people just approach it like any other job, while only a handfull of people REALLY enjoy it, the others just see it as a day to day commodity.

[isisastaria]

Wow! That is really interesting! It is only legal in one state in the US and it's really looked down upon here.

[isisastaria]

My cousin was such a beautiful person. She wanted to be a model. She kind of got sucked into all that and started doing a lot of drugs. It went down hill from there

[isisastaria]

Eva: My child's grandfather is from NZ. I do understand a little more about his culture when I communicate with you. Thanks

[EvaGina]

I am totally for legal prostitution, it takes a lot of the stigma off it, they can report crimes to the police, they get more medical help and there are organisations set up for people like your cousin, if they want to get out, these groups will provide support, help them find job training and jobs etc...

 

They also form groups for people who have been shunned by thier families and churchs, they fight for prostitutes rights and the educate sex workers in safer sex and the like.

[MissTee]

That's one of the many things I love about Aus... we are very realistic and laid back.

[isisastaria]

Yeah, I agree. I think Americans could be more so. Just not morally. That's when social structures and families deteriorate.

[NKP]

Vey true

 

That's one of the many things I love about Aus... we are very realistic and laid back.

[EvaGina]

Yeah, I agree. I think Americans could be more so. Just not morally. That's when social structures and families deteriorate.

 

Depends on what you mean by "morals" really.

You mean with prostitution and things?

Plenty of people are religious, "morally upstanding" yet still have horrible, unnaffectionate family lives....

 

One of the most "moral" families I know have the most amazingly messed up son.

[jengh]

I would get tested, just to be on the safe side.

 

As for the prostitute issue, I think it all depends on YOUR beliefs and morals. Forget what everyone else says. If the idea of paying for sex doesn't bother you, then it's perfectly fine. As long as you're not in a relationship and cheating and are SAFE about it, I don't see a problem. You're human. Everyone has different desires. Would I go to a brothel? No. But PLENTY of men (and women, I suppose) do.

[jengh]

I am totally for legal prostitution, it takes a lot of the stigma off it, they can report crimes to the police, they get more medical help and there are organisations set up for people like your cousin, if they want to get out, these groups will provide support, help them find job training and jobs etc...

 

They also form groups for people who have been shunned by thier families and churchs, they fight for prostitutes rights and the educate sex workers in safer sex and the like.

 

I completely agree with you. I'm definitely for legalized prostitution. People are going to do it anyways, so why not make it as safe as possible, right?

[EvaGina]

 

One of the guys we were hanging out with last night visits brothels all the time.

He lives in Aussie and he said that in NZ out houses of illrepute are badly run comparativly, that you have to to PAY UPFRONT before meeting the girls, before they even let you in. Isnt that terrible? In Aussie he can go in, sit down with the girls and have a few drinks, see if he actually clicks with any of them. Which IMO is better for both girl and client.

[pesh]

I have asperger's syndrome as well, and the funny thing is that I ave a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend, who I have been dating for over 5 years. Other relationships I have a problem with. You should do a search for websites in the topic, or read a book on help with aspergers. I wish that there was a book about the unwritten rules of society. You know, the stuff that everyone knows, but people like you and me just don't get it.

I also do not have many friends. However those friends that I do have are rather close to me. I tell these people about the aspergers (and I also tell them that i have ADD. wonderful combination- aspergers and ADD. its a nightmare sometimes) and i ask them to constructvely criticize me- tell me when im being to loud or obnoxious, or when im not making eye contact etc. That way i can hopefully learn what im doing wrong and change it.

I dont think that youre a bad person for getting with a prostitute. like you said, you were drunk, so you werent thinking properly. next time try not to drink so much so that you get very drunk, its not good to mix alcohol and aspergers.

Good luck with everything and i hope that what i said was helpful!