DavidLarson Posted February 18, 2007 Share Posted February 18, 2007 There is a lot going on and I'll try to explain it. I'm dating a 35 year old girl and I'm 25. She's been married twice and has one child and this is my first serious relationship. We've been dating only 4 months now but we're so close it's scary. I have no question in my mind that I love her and we're planning on killing the gap in a couple of months. I just graduated from college and I am ready to move out as soon as my current lease runs out. I have always been an advocate about having great communication and honesty with each other. I have always felt it creates a strong bond not only now but for the future. I've always been good at talking to her about how I feel about things and I'm even better at listening to her when she has things to say. Anyhow, about a month ago she came to me and admitted to me that she had an online friend (who lived in Europe) that she had feelings for. She said that she had been having these feelings for about a week and a half and that she realized she wanted me and not him. She had a hard time cutting the other guy off, but has finally done so. She tells me that she loves me every single day; ... in fact 20 to 30 times a day and I feel is giving a good effort to really focus and get us back to where we were. We were so cute with each other the first 3 months. Anyhow, the major problem is this ... she has no self confidence. I think that is what led her to talking to this other guy even though she has made up excuse after excuse about why that really happened. He made her feel good about herself. It is always nice to be wanted, you know? Anyhow, she's always complaining about grey hairs that she has and I try to let her know that I am not bothered by them and that I think they're kinda sexy, etc., etc. So anyhow, we've been moving on and things have been great. She has another small problem ... she lacks an ability to multi-task. Like, she can't talk to me and do the dishes at the same time. And worse, she will always try. So we'll be talking ... she'll of course focus on what she has to say and then when I start saying something she'll start doing the dishes and not hear 3/4 of what I say. I felt somewhat ignored and tried yesterday to bring this up and she started crying and I tried to cheer her up (which I know was impossible), but ... I felt I had a right to voice a concern in the relationship. She tells me she needs a few minutes to think about it. She calls me back an hour later and COMPLETELY turns it on me. She turns it into a "I feel like you're just obsessed with me and not actually in love with me, sometimes." I think this is 10 miles out of bounds obsurd and I think she knows it. It then turns into "I feel like I'm not good enough for you," rant. She claims she can't do anything right. When she cheated on me with the guy online, I never yelled at her. I never degrated her for what she did. I was very calm in how I talked things out with her. I think at times she's mad at me for NOT getting super mad at her. It hurt, but I didn't feel it was objective to yell at her. What would that have solved? Anyhow, I think this is the second time I have brought something like this up to her. I tried to make very light of it and let her know it wasn't a huge deal. Just something I thought I'd bring up. And she goes into rant about how she can't do anything right and she's not good enough for me, blah blah. Well, I love her. I don't care if she's perfect and I tell her that all the time. I love her just the way she is. I try to tell her how wonderful she is all the time, but I just ... I don't know. I don't know how to handle this. I don't know how to talk to her if I have problems and if I can't talk to her when I have problems without her acting like this ... how can I communicate with her? And if I can't communicate with her, how is this supposed to work? HELP! Please! -David Larson Quote Link to comment
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