What is goin on with ex???

[rusloi]

I wonder if anyone could shed some light on why i may have been dumped by gf of 2years. Here goes my tale of woe:

 

Last september my girlfriend (who currently works 14hrs a week and is in her final year of uni) went to the docs with depression he then signed her off work. During this time we had a lot of fun and things were cool between us (we had been arguong a fair bit before). She then returned to work and things were still cool (she was on medication at this point)...So christmas comes and goes and she goes home for the new year and comes back in a horrible mood and hardly spoke to me. Within a week we had an argument over something so petty that she said we need to talk at which point a shouted that we didnt need to talk that the relationship was nt working (which i truly didnt mean) at that point she went mad and started gettin my stuff together and said she wanted me out. I calmed her down and she said maybe we shud be friends..i said fine...we went to bed and in the morning didnt discuss what happened until midday when she said we're better off being friends.... so i said fine went home and then at night got a msn saying she didnt want to lose me and wanted to work things out and that we should have a break for a week and write down where we went wrong and how to resolve it....this was fine and for the next two days we were texting how much we loved each other and missed each other (some break eh?) then almost over night she changed her mind and was COLD as ice and said she dont think it would work and that she hasnt the energy to make it work... so for the next couple of weeks we stayed in touch but it was a weird limbo period where nothing was said bout where we stood. Then bout 4 weeks ago she said that she just wants to be friends and that i dont think we should speak or see each other for a while. I was like fine said my peace how i think we should make it work but if her heart wasnt in it then fine...so i bounced. Within two days she was sending me msn messages and missed calls...which i genuinely had missed then by the weekend she got through to me and was screaming at me to get my stuff (cos it upset her to see it around her flat) and move on (which i was trying to do). So i played it cool and got my stuff - i noticed she left a photo frame without my picture in it in full few of me. Anyway so i emailed her saying i still care and worry cos basically she said she is no mental state to see me. Then i received and email basically apologisng for our two years where she thinks all she did was shout and argue with me. I explaied this was not true and for her to take care. Within 3 days she phoning me about something petty and we get talking on msn where she admits that she still loves me and misses me but that we should just have a clean break..now since then i have had one conversation with her (initiated by her) where i was just asking bout general stuff then mentioned i was goin out on friday..at this point the convo started goin on about her goin out and gettin wrecked and guys chatting her up (which she told to F*** Off) and each time i changed the conversation i.e hows uni?, workin hard?...her response goes back to "workin hard playing hard"...i think she wanted a reaction but i just said im glad ahes enjoying herself.....

 

Now i have no contact now for 2 weeks and would like to meet her again (i do still love her) but is there any hope to get back with her...i just dont understand whats going on - she finished with me but has all the symptoms of the person whos been dumped.

 

Thanks

[rusloi]

oh yeah...i know that post is a mission to read so i got a wuick question. I havent spoke to my ex for 2 weeks - its chinese new year today ~(she is chinese) should i text her a happy new year messsage....???...

[ahhh2jz]

hey there, i would advise not to text her in any way. If you want her back, do NOT agree to be friends, because I think you will be hurt in the long run. Stick with your guns in NC, it'll be tough but I think it might be the best option

[heloladies21]

then mentioned i was goin out on friday..at this point the convo started goin on about her goin out and gettin wrecked and guys chatting her up (which she told to F*** Off) and each time i changed the conversation i.e hows uni?, workin hard?...her response goes back to "workin hard playing hard"...i think she wanted a reaction but i just said im glad ahes enjoying herself.....

This type of apathetic response tells her you don't care about her. I personally believe you care about her, but this is what she hears. Here's whatI would do if my gf pulled similar stunt, I would immediately confront her on it. Be very direct and say something like "Why are you talking to me about this stuff? This isn't the kind of stuff you tell someone you care about and want to care about you."

 

I bet this type of apathetic, here's what i think but do-as-you-please attitudt is what's causing all the problems you encountered in the relationship. So make a decision to drop the holding your feelings inside act and stick up for yourself anddon't accept anything less and you will have successful relationship.

[rusloi]

fair dos....fair dos.......i just thought if i did react she would have achieved the upper hand in the power thing...i didnt want to be too preachy cos i know what she would have reacted like (kicked off)...but i think what you said is right and afterwards i did wish i said something similar to what you suggested...i havent heard from her now for over a week...do u think that behaviour may have sent her packing????

 

i didnt do it to be horrible by the way...its just that when i told her how i felt the week b4 she said she felt the same and had to go then 2days later was saying she was fine and for me to move on?? wha go on?

[heloladies21]

i just thought if i did react she would have achieved the upper hand in the power thing

Yeah, see that way of thinking needs to be changed because relatinships aren't about power struggles, it's about caring about the other person and showing it. If it's gotten to this point then it's nearly impossible to bring it back.

 

Best thing you can do if you feel up to it is to call her up right now and clarify the situation. Say "Are we gonna do this relationship or not?" Then let her answer. But beware thatif she answers with anything other than a yes, then she is BS'ing and you need to call her out on it and not accept anything less. Then you tell her you only want a relationship and nothing less and if she's not interested, then you prefer to stay out of touch. Then do NC. Then move on for real.

[rusloi]

i dont know....she made it fairly clear that she hasnt the energy to make this work and that she wanted to stay friends...but last real convo we had regarding this ended with her sayin we've got to be strong and that we shouldnt contact each other..obviously she broke her own rule but i just dont want to be hurt...her sister says she finished this for what is best for her not because she didnt like me anymore.....i should have mentioned this but her parents are very strict chinese and they have no idea about us...do u think this could be influencing her...i just dont know anymore and wanna text her but feel that maybe a step back..

[heloladies21]

her sister says she finished this for what is best for her not because she didnt like me anymore

No, girls only do things because it is what they want to do it, not because of what is right for them. Look at all the girls chasing after these players who cheat on them. The right thing to do is to dump him and move on, but they stick around because of the emotions. They simply want to do it so they do it.

 

i should have mentioned this but her parents are very strict chinese and they have no idea about us...do u think this could be influencing her...

No, girls will go against family wishes to do what pleases them.

 

i just dont know anymore and wanna text her but feel that maybe a step back..

Well you wanna text her for the right reason. If you just wanna talk to her to make yourself feel better or to just let her know you care about her without addressing the core issue, then don't do it as it will get you nowhere.

 

If you don't feel like you are strong enough to accept the rejection, then stay in NC. But if she tells you that she still needs time, and you think you are strong enough to interpret it the right way and say "If you truly believe that you are meant for someone, then you don't need time to figure it out, you just do it", then confront her on her stalling and indecision.

 

But this would be it, no going back as you would truly be moving on.

[rusloi]

right im gonna sack it off....myabe need a break...she told me she wants me to move on and find a girlfriend that cares for me....if she cant be upfront with me whats the point i always was up front with her and shamed myself begging her to stay!! She said she dont want to do it...gotta accept she just not attracted to me that way anymore....cos if she was she would have rang or got in touch to say so but she aint..and yeah sometimes i wanna text her to make me feel better but most of the time its to see if shes ok cos i do love her and worry.

 

anyway while im here...whats LC?