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My gf dumped me. She said she wants to be friends. After doing everything I shouldn't have (trying to convince her to get back together), I did NC without telling her. Then my friend told me that my ex talked to him and that she was angry that I never talk to her anymore. So I broke my NC to tell her why I haven't been talking to her, then restarted the NC, this time with her knowing. She understood.

But I see advice that says you have to show your ex how happy you are without them during NC, so that it will intrigue them and make them wonder about you.

So my problem is, if I show that I'm happy, it means I'm acting like I'm over my ex, which means that I should be able to talk to her and be friends. So how will she miss me if we can regularly talk as friends?

In other words, I can't do NC, because:


-If I do NC and try to show that I'm happy, then she'll question why I'm still doing NC if I'm okay now.


-If I do NC and not try to show anything, she'll think I'm not over her so I can't do the whole "show them how happy you are" thing.


I want her back, but I have no plan. What should I do?

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i think that lots of people think game playing will bring their ex back, but i don't think faking your emotions does anything but lead to trouble later... just confuses everyone, and manipulation never leads to a good relationship. and if your ex feels really manipulated, it might make her just feel justified in haven broken up with you.


the point of no contact is to get some distance from a breakup to help you heal, not a strategy to get your ex back.


i think if you want your ex back, then you should talk to her about this, and see how reasonable that alternative is, i.e., would she consider it, and what would need to happen for that to take place? then you could try to follow a plan to get back together in a way that works for both of you.


but if she is totally not interested, then your plan should probably be working on healing yourself and getting over the breakup, spending more time with friends and meeting new people etc.

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What should I do at this point? I already broke NC with her acting like I was over her now. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but if I go on NC again without telling her, I will lose her friendship, as she has been really bothered and angered that I wasn't talking to her when I did NC without telling her the first time. If I do tell her I'm going to go on NC, then I guess I'll have to face looking like a loser.

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