Today he wanted to see me...

[olena]

Hi all.

 

I had not talked or contacted Chris for 2 days...and today I logged into MSN and the sent me a message...

He said that he wanted to see me today and that he was sorry he had not called me but he had a cold with fever...

I said to him that I did not think that it was a good idea to meet as it's too soon and nothing will have changed...

He said that it could take a while for him to change and feel happy, and that in the mean time he could not live without seeing me...

 

He asked me if what I meant was that I only wanted to see him if he was ready to come back, and I said yes, of if he has something new to tell me about us...

He said that it could take a while as he had too many things to sort out...

And then he said :

'Put what I want aside, and remember that when you want to see me, or talk to me, let me know and I will pick you up straight away...'

 

I said to him that there are no hard feelings and that I wished him loads of happiness because I genuinely loved him...but that I had decided to him him exactely what he wanted -'space' to sort out himself...

He sent me a hug...

And I said goodbye to him, and to give loads of love to our cat...

then I logged out...

 

I then went for another long walk...

 

Tonight, when I got back to my friend's house, I felt sad that I could not see him, or call him...

I wanted to talk to him, but I stopped my self from calling him...

 

I do love him, and I suppose, he is not the only one taking his chances with the relationship...I am also taking my chances, as I am not giving him what he wants...

But hopefully, if he loves me enough, then one day he will come back to make it up to me...

He promised me on Valentines day that if he manages to make himself happy, he will come back for me to make me happy...and that all he needs is time...

 

I really really wish him good luck...and I say that full of love not sarcasm...

I suppose, I am setting him free so that I test if he ever loved me...

 

It a weird coctail of emotions..

And I still don't know what my gut feeling is telling me because I have not had any time on my own since I left my house...It's as if I unconsciously try to keep my self busy, all day long for the last 3 weeks...

I am thinking of taking a few days off work and just going on a trip on my own...to spend some time alone, away from london, to just see who I am...

 

Maybe sometime in March...

 

Olena

[need2bme]

I think you did good Olena. I wish I was as strong as you. I woke up with heavy feelings and had to get them off my chest.

 

I think you are doing the right thing. You have to do what is good for you now. From what I read, it seems as if he may have wanted to see you because he was lonely.

 

Lonely and missing you are not enough. He has to want you and want to fix this...hang in there sweetie.