How to Get Back Your Ex by Brian Caniglia

[cocogirl]

My bf dumped me 6 days ago out of shock, anger, feelings of betrayal, feelings of lost trust, etc.

In MY mind, the issue is not something to end a relationship over. You would think that by his reaction that he caught me rolling in the hay with his brother! But it was nothing of that sort.

He is pissed off because at the most inconvenient place and time, I had spilled information about my past (involving a guy he is somewhat acquainted with).

To him, he feels like I lied to him to his face. But to me, it is just omission of information that I feel is NOT relevant and NOT important!

Anyway, I was a miserable mess after he angrily broke it off. But I went online and purchased Brian Caniglia's ebook, "How To Get Back Your Ex". I bought it because I needed some kind of comical relief but also, I was desperate.

Turns out that the book is a good $24 well spent.

 

The 1st lesson is NO CONTACT. I was doing this very well, even though it tormented me. But I stuck to it. Sure enough, my ex called me after 3 nights of no contact. Is it because of the NC rule or what, because during the NC time, he went out and got a LATE Valentine's Day present for me! I followed the rules of the ebook and made the convo breezy, casual, confident, and happy. I was also watching the clock to make sure it did not go past 15 minutes. I was dreading the moment of when he would bring up the relationship or break-up. So as I was saying all of my "exit" phrases to end the conversation, he slipped it right in and said, "You lied to me."

I guess he dug up MORE information about me and my past from biased male sources, and the feelings of betrayal, hurt, and shock is now magnified 10x more for him! I kept my cool, but my heart was crying out so much. I changed the topic to something neutral and light and we hung up.

 

I thought, "SHOOT. Did I apply the push-pull theory TOO much that it backfired on me??"

 

NO.

 

He called me again last night, dRUNK.

I broke the 15 minute rule however. THe convo lasted 45 minutes!

 

BUT...

 

I saw progress.

 

(BY THE WAY! Make sure that HE leads the conversation and you are only a participant in the conversation. Don't argue, don't disagree, don't justify, dont do anything. Just hear him out. Let him ramble, if you must).

 

In his drunken state he was going on and on about how he felt betrayed, hurt, and played by me. But he also went on and on about how he was confused and didn't know what to do. He even asked me, "What do I do??" To which I replied, "It may not come to you right now, but it will come to you when the time is right. It'll come to you. I am certain of this."

I think he felt relief hearing my un-biased, un-argumentative, and objective reply.

Of course in the conversation, he spat out drunken words of how he is going to erase me from his life, memory, etc. But when your ex-bf says these sort of things, do not take it personally! He is just dealing with the break-up as best as he can. Let him do this. Don't fight it and start crying about how he is so messed up and in the wrong and that he is so cruel, etc.

After all, he says he would like to erase you only because he loved(s) you THAT MUCH!

 

Well, today is a Saturday. Usually weekends are reserved for US - but I have no qualms with it. Yes, I am sad - but I made plans to clean my car, shop, make errands, and just keep myself busy!

 

I am very grateful that I prayed to God so faithfully and persistently over the past week, and grateful that I stumbled up on Brian Caniglia's eBook.

 

If you have faith and truly believe that your ex will return to you, HE WILL.

 

You can't go through the methods of getting your ex back while you are suffering doubt and skepticisim.

 

I will update later as soon as I get another call from the love of my life

 

 

P.S. Because I utilized Brian Caniglia's tactics of NOT pushing (or he'll PULL away), my ex was astounded last night and accused me of having no emotions to our situation. He then added that I was much stronger than he.

At first I thought my NON-PUSHING had gone too far and maybe I should have put in a little bit of pUSH, but no no no nooo... Not true.

If I had gone the other route and showed him sobbing, crying, or spat out a dramatic love story speech, or even a simple "i miss you so much" - he will pull away.

ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND THE PUSH-PULL theory!

 

Good luck to all the broken-hearted.

Have faith and acknowledge that you are valuable and beautiful.

 

-cocogirl

[cocogirl]

IT's me again.

I forgot to mention how crucial it is to EXERCISE everyday!

Usually I make saturdays/sundays my non-exercise days.

But I am going to head to the gym right now as soon as I eat breakfast.

Exercising everyday is vital everyone.

Don't brush it off lightly. It is lesson #2 after No Contact.

 

I realized that because of my exercise DURING the period of mourning and depression, my heart gained strength - strength that can endure a pleasant conversation w/ my ex without breaking down.

cardiovascular health is extremely important!

on top of that, your hormones are balanced, and "happy" hormones (endorphins) are produced so the conversations w/ your ex are GENUINELY that pleasant and breezy!

Of course you may hang up and cry to yourself. But that crying is only temporary.

[annie24]

If you don't mind me asking, why would you want this guy back? He sounds very insecure if he is mad at you for having had a relationship before him. I think you were right in not spilling the details in the first place, why should you have? the past is in the past.

[Daddy Bear]

If you have faith and truly believe that your ex will return to you, HE WILL.

I'm glad things seem to have worked out for you, but I think it's wrong to imply that everyone's ex is going to return if they just believe it. A large percentage of dumpees don't ever get their lost loves back, no matter how much faith they may have. Sometimes life has other plans...

[rabbitskin]

I don't agree with annie24 on the whole ex issue. My bf did something similar to me, and you feel like a fool when you are confronted with someone who had a relationship with your current in the past, and you don't know about it. Need I cite the 'trust' word? It involves arming the person you are with, so that they never feel in a 'I know something you don't know' situation.

Also, I don't see how using a book, 'technique' whatever, is better than being honest and genuine. I think it's dishonest and manipulative.

[neallo82288]

There was no manipulation used in her instance. The push pull thingy is just a way to keep you emotions in check. In most break ups there is a need for space by one or both parties. If the non space needing party pushes the space needing party will pull back twice as hard, so the more you push the farther away they will be. So, you need to keep your emotions in check by remembering a simple rule, then so be it. You cannot change someones mind, but you can show them what they have lost.

[isisastaria]

It's a great book. My mother is a therapist and she has a lot of her female patients read it.

 

The most important issue (I feel) is that he is bringing up the past over and over. I have done this to a bf and it buried us. He needs to let go of the past or you need to tell him it just won't work out.

 

If you're with him 10 years down the line with kids or a house or whatnot...do you really want to still be hearing about this?

 

And if you aren't interested in marriage...what is it you want from the relationship?

 

Lastly, you know deep down if you are being dishonest or not. This is something you already know from your conscience. If you need to, apologize.

If not, tell him you're done with the past and he needs to let it go too.

 

[isisastaria]

The headline was "Why Men Love * * * * *es" GOOD BOOK!!

[shadow34]

I brought the ebook cheat sheet and his book before I found the cheat sheet site.

 

It has all of the books in the cheat sheet which is really good,

 

But ultimately its their free will

[cocogirl]

HI EVERYONE!

Thank you guys for your honest feedback!

Well, the night that I posted this thread, my ex called me at 2am a little tipsy once again. He urged me to come out to some "after-party", but I said that I was too tired and did not want to drive. He said he would come pick me up.

He also added that it was unfair for him to judge me based on my past and wanted to get back together.

I couldn't believe it! Well, that's just an expression. I DID BELIEVE IT!

I had faith all along he would return, and I kept to the rules of that ebook.

So I hurried up and got dressed as fast as I could and came out to meet him. In the car, there was silence. He was smoking like a chimney and there was a look of death-like seriousness in his face. I just sat there with a normal facial expression, and normal body posture. I asked him normal questions.

Then he turns on the light in the car while driving to get a long look at my face, and turns it back off.

He missed me.

 

We went to the after-party, and after a while I told him, "lets go home please." He drove me back home and when he parked, he acted like he didn't want to come in and was going straight home (45 minutes away!).

I said, "Don't be silly. You can't drive, you are drunk! Come inside."

So he spent the night, and it was the sweetest and most intense night ever.

He said he would be a fool to ever let me go, and that he is STILL upset that I had somewhat of a colorful and reckless past but as long as I promise to give him my BEST & be HONEST, he will accept it and bury what separated us in the 1st place.

 

however...

.

.

.

 

just because a couple is back together, does not mean it is butterflies and rainbows again. it will take a lot of work. my boyfriend is emotionally resistant to my affections and words. he is struggling with trusting me and opening up his heart to me again because i had inflicted so much pain on him.

however, i love him more than any man i've known and he is worth the effort. i have been patient, pleasant, and showing lots of love towards him. slowly, ever so slooowwwwly he is warming up and re-thinking that maybe he can trust me again and have our relationship restored to its natural state, possibly even better! however this is only day 2. it will take time....

TIME IS KEY.

 

like, just last night... i started crying to him and complaining about how i feel so alone that he is acting like the victim and i'm the heartless perpetrator. i went on & on, and that made him shut down again.

i realized.... all he wants is for me to just SHOW HIM w/ WORDS & ACTIONS that i am a trustworthy individual. not a selfish lil brat who will whine & complain occasionally about how hard it is for them - that will only portray to them that they are not worth the effort in restoring the relationship.

 

anyway, i am happy and relieved he is back.

i thank God, and i thank brian's ebook

[juggalo_jamie]

hay gur can i get a copy of that ebook i am dealin with the worst break up of my life and i need her sooo bad i would give my life for this chick so if can get a copy that would be great

[rocketinthesky]

i need to read this x

[Loris]

I'd like to have these 'cheat sheets'. Perhaps you can post or pm the link?

[Muzatsu]

I'd like some cheat sheets as well.

[Ahmyrak]

Same here, I'd like a read of that. X3

[brook7lyn]

I bought this ebook after going through a bad breakup, myself. Unfortunately, I'm still in the no contact phase (and he isn't reaching out to me either - bruised ego if you ask me). Anyway, I am hoping for the best and figure I have nothing to lose at this point. I'll keep you all posted!

 

I know I'm the one that's caused him a lot of pain, too, so I think this will take a TON of work on my part - but agreed, he's totally worth it!!!

 

Wish me luck!!!!

[thouse]

CoCoGirl,

 

Is there a way I can get a copy of this book?

[cnfsdnluv]

So...I downloaded this ebook, too. But, AFTER I made all of the break-up mistakes (pushing him further). Anyone ever experience a success with Brian's tips AFTER doing everything wrong?!?!?

[sweetjess195]

So last night I found this thread and I decided to spend the $24 to get this ebook.

 

Just reading it alone has given me a whole different view on the situation! Brian's advice/knowledge was pretty much right on the money.

 

He made the comment that some people would not follow through with the NC for a short but long month for fear that the only person will find someone else, fall in love with them, and forget about you totally. Brian said that that new person is most likely a "rebound relationship" and mostly likely that person's "newness" will fade and the bad memories/experience with you will fade and your ex will soon miss the good things about you and yalls relationship.

 

Ive posted on here about my ex bf who is scared im the last girl for the rest of his life, needs time to be single, ect. All my friends say he will come back to me.

 

After browsing Brian's tips Ive realized that I need to take this time to better myself and grow as a person and become more independent. It was bring back the attraction that was mostly likely lost.

 

I recomend this ebook to everybody!

[juggalo_jamie]

gee thanks for the recomdation now can some one send me a copie of this ebook im goin cazyer then all heck i need his advicer

[malen]

hello Coco girl,

 

My boy friend broke up with me at a time when I am most vulnerable....it woul be quite a long story to tell....anyway Ive made al the mistakes : emailing back etc..

to make it short and simple he says he does not love me anymore like a couple, and when i hang up saying that i can not force any one to love me he calls back an leaves a message as i would not pick up the phone that he does not have to force himself to have feelings for me ...

i have tons of contradictions like this one ..just today he wrote that getting back with me would be to deny his feelings but when i said to cut all contacts he repeats what he wrote last week that he doesn't want to , that he would be terribly unhappy not to now about me but at hte same would have to accept it if it's best for me...ha said what killed it for him was our misunderstanding ...i 've juste replied that it is impossible to make sense of what he truly thinks , means etc...and it's been the same for quite some time ...yet we had such a stron wonderful bond ..we both wrote to each other now that it's finished that we both lived our " falling in love" that the most promising part of our life , like a new beginning....

I am feeling betrayed , hurt by all i've lost including missed my exams etc..and so on....but i won't let him go ...

 

I've been loking on the net for help , at the same time thinking how stupid and na¨ve i was to even contemplate finding a way to get him back ...

 

anyway i just have the gut feeling that there are so many people ready to exploit our feelings of despair to sell so called self help books / ways to ...

 

you said you bought Brian Caniglia' e book and i would really appreciate if you could let me know if this is as great as he claims it is ...

 

i'd really like to give another chance to do something to win him back ...and work it out ..eventhough he says that he has no more feeling but say all these other things too...

 

I' am back to studying after losing my job and spending that kind of money plus exchange commission to get lots of clichés and common places would be another blow to an already sad and really tough period.

 

many thanks in advance for taking the time to reply and share.

 

Malen

[malen]

i am so sorry ...i hope you' ll be able to understand my previous post ...it is terribly written....missing letters and so on...i am sorry i am being too emotional and my pc is just so slow , i type faster than it can work !

 

I am also not a native english speaker . please be indulgent.

 

Malen

[nazdaq30]

I don't agree with annie24 on the whole ex issue. My bf did something similar to me, and you feel like a fool when you are confronted with someone who had a relationship with your current in the past, and you don't know about it. Need I cite the 'trust' word? It involves arming the person you are with, so that they never feel in a 'I know something you don't know' situation.

Also, I don't see how using a book, 'technique' whatever, is better than being honest and genuine. I think it's dishonest and manipulative.

I agree. Although people always seem to want what the can't have. Its' all a big game. I believe being sincere and geniuine. If that person can't handle that and prefers drama and games. How healthy could the relationship be.

I agree!

[leq]

I would also like a copy of this book if anyone would be kind enough?

[justletgo07]

Before you all go out and spend the $24 on this book, or any book for that matter, please realize that there is no book that will bring your ex back. Take it from someone who has been apart for almost a year, and who has bought lots of these sorts of books. All of you who are asking for the e-book and the "cheat sheet" are buying into the marketing tactics that the author wants you to by into, and you're letting your emotions turn you into a sucker.

 

Just because 1 poster on this site claims to have had success with one of these e-books doesn't mean that they are 100% effective, or even 1% so. All of the books contain the same basic strategy to get your ex back, all of which can be found on this forum:

 

Step 1: Agree with the break up

 

Step 2: Apologize for anything major you might have done to cause the break up (not begging, pleading, etc)

 

Step 3: Initiate No Contact for X amount of time (1 month is popular, although some say to do it until you get a genuine reach from your ex)

 

Step 4: Spend your time in NC working on yourself (i.e. exercising, spending time with friends and family, dating other people, thinking and being positive, etc)

 

Step 5: Wait for them to contact you (Most of these books make claims that its "Only a matter of time" if you've done everything correctly.

 

Step 6: Set up a coffee or lunch date, etc.

 

Step 7: Play it cool, calm, and confident with your ex. Show them you are unaffected and doing well without them. Let them initiate conversation about the relationship

 

Step 8: Keep phone calls following to 15 minutes or so

 

Step 9: REJOICE, because they want you back!

 

 

See, I've saved you $24. Essentially, these books advocate the approach of letting go and moving on, which is what you should be doing anyway. Some claim to delve into the "deep psychology" behind your break up, but its mostly fancy language to tell you that you either paid too much attention to your ex (needy, clingy, etc.) or not enough (too emotionally distant and unavailable), and that you need to show your ex the "new, improved, confident you."

 

They talk a lot about becoming the person you were at the start of the relationship, since your ex was attracted to you then. Sometimes this approach works, but for many (and I'm sorry to say this), your ex is just DONE. Your ex is happier out of the relationship, and won't be coming back. All of the books tell you to be prepared for this outcome, and that some relationships just can't be salvaged. They don't advertise this on their websites, but all of the books say it. There is no sure-fire way to get your ex back.

 

Not to be a downer. Just trying to be real with you guys.