can it work?

[jhooks]

Hey guys,

 

Here is my deal, I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years and a few months. I met her when she was 19 and I was 24. Needless to say when I first met her I thought she might be too young(considering I've always dated older woman). Regardless of what I thought I still jumped knee deep into the relationship. At first we had a very long distance relationship she was in AZ I was in Ny, We did that for about 7 months. Then she moved to NY to go to college. She's been in NY for about 1 year and several months. At first she didn't have anyfriends here and was living with her grandma, She was really all about school, work and me.

 

So about 3 months ago she started to become closer to her friends at school and she moved out on her own with 2 (female)other roomates. I've noticed that she was really involved in her "new life" and really made no time for me anymore. When I confronted her on this she said that I kind of wore her down emotionally in the relationship and that her new friends made her feel appreciated. I most admit that I do have alot of issue I go to thearpy for. But I told her if thats the case then I would try to work my hardest to confront my problems that effect our relationship.

 

I do know that my girl is at a time where things are changing rapidly for her and this is the glorious college time in her life! So by no means do I want to be selfish and try to hold someone back that does not want to be in a serious relationship. But when I tell her that if want to fly and grow on your own then thats what you should do, she tells me that she does love me and does not want to risk losing me and the killer for me is when she says that she see's me in her future having my kids and being my wife! Needless to say this is the dagger in my heart! She is acting the complete opposite of what she is saying. When I tell her that as long as your are confused about me then you have to let me be, she does not comply. She calls me after a few days of us not talking or she text me saying how much she loves me etc etc.

 

It feels as I'm being tortured! Its like she wants to be with me but she doesn't want to be with me! What I've have been doing the past few days is not picking up her calls and taking my space. I dont want to lose her but Im afraid that it is inevidable. Anyhow, any suggestions will be appreciate! thanks!

[dgtx]

She sounds very confused. It doesn't seem fair to you that she is giving you these mixed messages. I would be a little cooler with her. In this case, I think you're doing the right thing by not always taking her calls.

[Steve316]

Sounds like she is going through a similar thing to my ex I would say. When we met I was 20 and she was 18. She had friends but she didn't see them THAT often and mainly went out with just me, or me and my friends (we all became friends though, she could get along with most people). Then, 6 months or so ago she got a new job, her department was full of younger people and naturally they all became friends etc. In the end I was pushed more and more to the side because she was going out more often with these new friends and eventually she ended it because she wanted to be on her own, not in a relationship etc.

 

I still think she is a bit confused about what she wants as she too told me she still loved me but this was something she has to do?

 

So, it may be a case of giving each other space and making a decision in a few months time. I wish I was given that chance but that won't be happening.

[pinkelephant]

sshe probably took you for granted. you're letting her have her cake and eat it too. tell her firmly, leave me alone until you know what you want. then go nc.

[jhooks]

Thanks for the replies guys! Right now Im giving her her space and haven't had no contact with her since this past wednesday. She's been texting and calling me since NC. I firmly told her to decide what she wanted and to figure her life out. She still sending me text's telling me how much she love's and miss's me. Im trying to not react until "atleast" a week of no contact, maybe this wont be enough time, but atleast it will be a break. I am truly in agony over this transition and need not to further self inflict pain upon myself by talking to her. lets see what occurs! Thanks again folks!