Post Breakup Friendship Hell

[RoseKnight]

Well to get things started off me and my ex mutually ended a five year relationship because of circumstances beyond our control allowing us to be togeather (her family moved and i didnt have the money to move up there on my own) so we had tried the long distance thing and it didnt work... now we were the best of friends before the relationship and we want to continue being that.. but... she just jumped into another relationship one week afterwards and tends to let stuff slip unintentionally.. and it hurts like HELL.. i mean i understand and want to be happy that she is happy, but on the other hand i want to drive the little guy's head into a curb and i know the right thing is to let myself feel the anger and hurt and not try to force myself to be happy for her when im really not. but i really dont want to lose her as a friend or have that friendship dwindle away.. we were thick as theves. i really dont know what to do.. i dont WANT to do NC because we've looked after each other for such a long time... i dunno what to do HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[friscodj]

Hey RK-

 

Look, as things stand right now, what kind of a real friendship would you have? You want to crush this guy's skull for God's sakes. Could you be a best friend to her and listen to her talk about this other guy without this anger coming back?

 

This is life dude. You can't have everything you want especially after a break up. You want to resume the close best friendship right now but there is a definite transition period that needs to take place here before that happens. You're not throwing away a friendship and it isn't diminishing. Look at where it is now? It is driving you crazy. How is that going to get worse by taking some time and distance, get to better emotional places, and then resume a better friendship later?

 

I know you're afraid if you let go just a little the friendship will disappear forever. I can tell you with the basis of friendship you guys had before the relationship and the amicable and mutual nature of the break up, I am very certain it is only a matter of time before you guys are back to being best friends. It is time you don't want to pass but it is inherently necessary in this situation.

 

You just need to give this time to play out and it is best for you to make distance with the situation ASAP so you both don't start remembering this to be a worse break up than it was which will hinder possibilities for a future friendship later on. There is no shame or demerit in taking a step back from a situation like this where the feelings are negative and powerful and coming back later when they are gone. The feelings will go away but the friendship won't because your basis for friendship was far deeper than these feelings right now.

[Siriana]

Hi.

You didn't have an ugly brake up and you are both appreciating one another.

So why not telling her what you told us and asking for some time to put things in the right perspective. Than you will know is this friends thing going to work.

Right now everything is still fresh, so friendship will make moving on more difficult for you.

[CamGuy]

Let me just save you the time and energy. I too was BEST friends with my ex, way before we dated. Naturally, she was my best friend during our relationship. We dated 2 years, it was good, and had its bad moments. Eventually we broke up due to careers and desires. Its been over a year, and I still do not, (nor to I expect to ever) have a close friendship with her.

 

It's just the way it goes. Any friendship you may have with your ex is usually superficial anyways. Where you are always tip-toe-ing around topics that either you, or both of you rather not hear. I hate it, trust me man. But, I never want to hear about who my ex is "bangin'" nowadays. Im cordial and polite, and definitely friendly if I ever talk to her. And she is with me. But we will never have that closeness we once shared. It sucks, but then again, I guess thats life.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if you are spending time being really jealous and upset, then what you are having is not a friendship with her, but stuck in no man's land where deep down you still think of her as your girlfriend, or hope that you will reunite one day.

 

in which case being friends with her is not at all good for your head or for getting things to a 'true' friend level rather than a broken hearted ex level.

 

so you either need to stop talking to her for a while, until you have your own life and are dating and happy with that. then you can again be her friend and not hurt when she talks about someone else she is dating.

 

but until then, it just sounds like punishment for yourself to stay in contact and pretend you don't care that she is no longer your girlfriend.