a little adivce please?

[TexasBoy]

Ok, so here is the situation. I have dated this girl for almost three years. I know that she is the one for me, and we have often talked about our futures together. She is extremely emotional though, with a history of depression. And I am the exact opposite, by being laid back and not letting many things affect me. So in the beginning, things were rough but we worked through them because of our feelings for each other. One of the things she has worked on is to not flip out about the small stuff (in our relationship and life in general) and to become more independent.

Now here is my problem. Just recently, she has told me that she "needs, not wants" a break to become more independent. I told her that we could work through it just like everything else, but she said that this is not a problem between us, but with her. And for her to do this she needs to be away from me since she always relies on me. She kept telling me she still loves me and always will, but that she thinks she needs to do this before we graduate college and go into the real world.

So my question is what am i suppose to do in the mean time? I'm not big on playing games waiting for her to call first, and i have no problems swallowing my pride, when I do something wrong. But i don't want to be clingy or needy and let her think that she can just put me on hold whenever she feels like it. So any advice whatsoever, from whoever, would be greatly appreciated.

[Gilgamesh]

This is a tricky situation, but there is little you can do, its here decision, its something she thinks is necessary.

 

the only thing I can recommend is that you give her the space she needs, dont make her feel guilty or bad for what she is doing, tell her you understand her need, and will be there for her when she is ready, and that you love her, and want her to be happy.

 

And when the time comes, give her that space, if she tells you not to call, dont.

 

its better that she does go through this phase now, and not after you two get even closer. if she loves you, she will come back to you with more love than ever and more secure in her feelings, if she doesnt come back, then this would have happened eventually anyway, and its better that you know now and not later.

[Mar]

He's exactly right......I'd appreciate her honesty in telling you now, and letting her go, if that's her wish. She trusted you enough to tell you what she needs to do for herself, and YES, it hurts, of COURSE! But she's taking responsibility for her life for once, and trying NOT to use you as a crutch....if this is what she needs, let her go, and wish her luck. There's nothing that says you have to wait for her, that's your personal choice. If you don't want to, and need to move on yourself, then do it. She should understand that, by asking for this break, she can't also expect you to wait around while she gets herself sorted out.

[TexasBoy]

hey thanks for the help, i really appreciate it...

 

...i have one more question:

her birthday is coming up next week...and i'm not sure what to do (give her a gift versus not)? since she wants her "break" should i not give her one? but if i do give her one, i'm thinking it should be something more along the lines of a unique idea/gift than a regular one...any ideas or help would be great!

[Mar]

My suggestion would be........no gift. A split doesn't have any clauses in it that require a present at her birthday. If she wants a split, give it to her. Any present you send will just give the message that she's still the first thing on your mind (never mind that she IS, SHE doesn't need to know that) and that you still haven't moved on. Stop thinking for her for a little while and think for you. You're the most important person in this equatin, you know.....