Broke up, got back together, broke up again...

[erinj78]

My boyfriend and I were together 3 years. He is 41 and I am 28. We broke up last June (his doing) after 2.5 years together. We got back together 7 weeks later (after he contacted me). We wer doing great, getting along, and I thought things were good.

 

Well I get a call on Valentine's Day saying he wants to break up with me. You heard me right, over the phone (mind you, the first time was over I.M....nice hu?)

 

So not only do I get broken up with on Valentine's Day but over the phone by a grown man.

 

Is the second time around crappier? I think I feel more stupid than anthing else.

 

Anyone else experience a second time brake up? And how did it feel?

[JoeWho]

I had a similar thing happen to me. She broke up with me in March 2005 and we got back together in June 2005 (never really separated, still saw each other everyday) broke up for good in August 2006 after almost 10 years together.

 

To be perfectly honest the first time was much harder mainly because it was such a big shock. The second time around it was 100% clear that there was no getting back together (she cheated) so once the initial shock of the finality of the relationship sank in, it was easier to deal with.

 

Six months later I am still healing and have a long way to go to get where I want to be, but ultimately I am happy with my progress and much further along than I thought I would be at this point.

 

After 3 years you cant expect to be over it in a few months but with the right attitude and going strict NC you will greatly increase you chances of healing quickly.

 

Hang in there, you'll be just fine

[erinj78]

Lot's wife? No....

[MightyBoosh]

this happened with me, we split up after a year and a half in october 2005, got back together 6 weeks later, then he ended it again in october 2006...ive found that ive cried about it a lot less and for a shorter length of time.....but, the length of there being so much ambiguity between us is ridiculous....4 months down the line and its still happening....I would rather we be together still, despite what people around me are saying...But when it comes down to it, im too scared to tell him to make his mind up.

I dont think that the way he is behaving is because he wants to be friends...i dont see how we can go from 2 and 1/2 years together, to phoning each other up just because we fancied a chat with someone....

[Rosey]

Hello erinj78,

 

Something a little similar happened to me too, only 3 days before Valentines day...!

 

We were together since March '06, broke up in July (he did it via text, so I can empathise with going back to someone despite their being rubbish!), got back together around Oct/Nov time, and then he broke up with me again, on the phone.

 

It was a surprise second time around as well, as things seemed to be going really well. I kind of saw the signs about a week before when he was giving me mixed messages, but I was sure that he would break up with me in person second time, especially as he had said that he valued my friendship.

 

The fact that he didn't in a way made things easier for me, as I not only know that it wouldn't work, but also I was so annoyed that I could use that annoyance to be strong about it.

 

Now that a week has passed, I find myself remembering the nice things about him again, but I have already said to him not to contact me, and I still feel overall that I am a LOT further ahead of the grieving process than I was first time around.

 

Good luck to you x

[need2bme]

My ex and I broke up and got back together over 13.5 years. We are now broken up and she is living with someone.

 

Be happy it happened now. Good luck...

[psu11]

hey erin...

 

i was in a similar situation myself. i got back with my ex after he contacted me in october, and we ended up breaking up on my birthday which happens to be new years.

 

the second time around is easier in a sense because you already know what life is like without them, so that fear of a life without them is not as strong. its still hard because your losing that person again, on top of feeling like a fool for going back. my best advice to you is take the second break up as a clousure. you now dont have any "what ifs" and you can completely move on knowing that if it didnt work the second time around, its not going to work at all. best of luck to you

[Rosey]

I agree with the closure aspect. And I think that's what really helps, as often it is thoughts of "what if" and "if only" that can make post-breakup feelings so sad. At least by knowing it wouldn't work, it is easier to move on from the experience and make a fresh start.

[erinj78]

I think more than anything - I feel so stupid. I feel stupid that I did this a second time around with him. I also feel so stupid because of the lack of respect someone can show somebody after 3 years. People don't even stay married for 3 years and he dumps me on Valetine's Day.

 

I think that's why I feel crappier this time around. I didn't even tell my family that we got back together cause I never knew if he was going to break up with me again. I feel so stupid.

[houdini]

People can be heartless and we all should be proud that we were willing to give them unconditional love, respect and commitment. It's sad that they're to dumb to see it or realize it. In the end we'll be able to rise above this and they will sit and wallow in regret on letting go of a good person like ourselves and think of what could have been. We on the other hand will be healed, stronger and wiser. We will be happy once again and maybe in a better relationship than we had before and we'll be thanking our ex for doing us the favor they did..... As they say "what goes around comes around"