One month NC

[Me and myself]

I really don't know what I want to say here...I'm not feeling good again. The first days of this week were really ok but Valentine's day didn't brought any ease to my mind..I was still expecting a sign from her....why can't I move on quickly? After all we were bf/gf during only one month....Am I dong something wrong? Or is this love?

 

I was putting some hopes that my ex would contact me in a different way than she did. After 3 weeks of NC (last Saturday) she just text me to meet her at a bar where she was DJ'ing. I said no, I had other commitments. She didn't contacted me since. I was hoping that she will....

 

My best friend, the one with whom I used to go out, is taking the opportunity to get close to her and I'm feeling lonely...I don't feel like meeting him on the weekends.

To make things worse, she always shown some attraction signs towards him so, probably...you know what I mean...

 

She always wanted to be friends with me. She broke up with me but there are not any ressentments from both sides...I went in NC without any explanation to her. I've always told her I would do it if things went wrong but never explained why I would do it...So, I'm not feeling good about it 'cause I don't want her to think I'm angry with her. I've been thinking about sending her an e-mail explaining her what is happening with me but, after one month of NC, it makes nosense to do it...and I don't want to show I'm needy...I just miss her. And I'm affraid she forget me.

 

Deeply, I know that if I stay friends with her I could show her some things about me that have never show her, and she might be fall in love again with me. But I just can't do it...I know I will suffer and I don't want to go all over again through it.

 

I have been doing a lot of reading about self-improvement, meeting old friends, etc but it seems that's not enough.

 

I'm feeling a mess inside me...I need a group hug...

[friscodj]

Hey Me_and_myself-

 

I'm very sorry to read this post, to hear of what you're going through. There aren't words to express how sad I am to read this. I have been there before, I understand exactly what you are saying and where you are coming from.

 

The first point of your post that jumps out at me is your question, "Is this love?" Well, I've thought that before too. I mistook the grief, the pain, "If I hurt this much, it must be love." I thought I could earn love and happiness from her and the situation through my suffering, through my pain. "The more I hurt, the more love I will find and/or generate from this situation." Is that nobility or is that an illusion generated from grief, the denial of the detachment? Does your definition of love include what you are going through now? And then a magic wand is going wave, the rabbit will come out of the hat, everything will turn around, you guys will live happily ever after...roll credits...

 

Secondly, this "best friend" of yours isn't being much of a best friend to you right now. You're feeling this way and he is macking on this woman? That's against what I believe a good friend to you should be doing...

 

Thirdly, the fact that she wanted to be friends and hasn't contacted you tells me she is gone bro.

 

Next, I think you should send that email. I see some clear signs here that you have some unfinished business with her that is prohibiting your healing process here. I think getting these things off your chest and you yourself closing the door on this firmly and surely by telling her you are not going to contact her anymore will do more good for you than you think right now.

 

Lastly, you are doing great by doing a lot of reading about self-improvement, meeting old friends, etc. Things like this take time, the healing takes time, and there is no way to avoid the suffering. You can help your situation by not resisting it and not beating yourself up further by thinking it should all be over by now when it isn't. Accepting it will be the best thing for you here I think.

 

Again, I am sorry to hear this and we'll be here for you.

[g1234567890h]

I don't know the details of your breakup but I think that through inviting you to a gig she's showing you that she still thinks about you. I mean, you did go NC with no explanation so maybe that's hurting her somewhat. And to be honest, perhaps she doesn't see the relationship the same way. It did, after all, only last a month. I think that if you got together for a coffee you can get some things off your chest. If you can be friends it's good but you have to protect yourself from your feelings. Does that make any sense?

 

And about your friend and her, you don't control her or your friend so don't even try.

[Me and myself]

I don't know the details of your breakup but I think that through inviting you to a gig she's showing you that she still thinks about you. I mean, you did go NC with no explanation so maybe that's hurting her somewhat.

 

The break up...you know when you can't show yourself when you're near the person you love, just because you're affraid that she might not like it? That was me near her...plus some other factors like different life styles (which are not so different, but when we were together they were) and, also, my inability to understand women's mind.

I know she, at least once in a while, thinks about me. That's just natural...I'm almost shure she's hurt by my NC because she might not understand why. By other hand she knows I care about her a lot so, probably, she knows why I'm doing this. But I'm not shure about it and that's making me think about this all over again.

Maybe I'm just trying to find a way to tell her she has an open door from my side so that, if she wants, can get in...Maybe that's a wrong motivation to contact her but I also want her to know that my intention is not to disapear forever, that I would like to be her friend as soon as I feel better about her.

 

And about your friend and her, you don't control her or your friend so don't even try.

 

I even don't want to be near him so I will never control him.