Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 ............. Quote Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Sit him down and tell him that you know that he cheated on you with your friend and that your relationship with him is not working out and that you want to break up with him. Breakups are best done in person because that's the most respectful thing to do. Tell him you want to break up with him and why you are doing this. If he has questions, let him ask, etc. Let it sink in and do some NC for a while so that the both of you can heal from this and move on. 1 Quote Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 i agree with RW ^^^^ Just sit him down, tell him that you know, and that you don't think this is working out anymore. the cheating would have definitely bothered me! I think you are right to want to break up. It sounds like the relationship isn't suiting either of you anymore. I would break up, go NC, and then maybe later be friends. (((HUGS))) Quote Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I wouldnt even bring up the cheating thing, make it quick and clean because there is no reason to make this a long drawn out affair. Some people have issues with how people break up with them but no one says that you even have to do it in person. How you break up with the person will determine how you will intereact with them after the break up. Quote Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 this probably sounds stupid but what's nc? Quote Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 so I shouldn't tell him why? Quote Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 DayWalker, she's been this guy's girlfriend for over three years. I think that warrants a face to face breakup. To me, anything but a face to face breakup, is cowardly. If you were in his shoes and the gf was breaking up with you, wouldn't you want her to tell it to YOUR face. Quote Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 "NC" is No Contact. It is something that is highly recommended on this board. It means that you take some time away from him after breaking up with him, so he can come to terms with the breakup, heal and move on, and so YOU can come to terms with the breakup, heal and move on too. After a period of NC, if you guys still both desire, you guys can work on having a friendship. Quote Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 yup, NC = No Contact. I also think a face to face breakup would be good. you two have been together so long, it may help you get closure. plus, i think he deserves it, even if he was cheating on you. there is a really good book, "It's called a breakup because it's broken." I recommend you read it. it's about healing after a breakup. Quote Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 The only thing with that is like he's too in my life I guess. Alot of our friends are mutual friends now. He hangs out with my sister. His parents and my parents are like best friends. Also if I do that we're leaving soon. I might never talk to him again. Quote Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 He's been my best friend since we were like 7. I really still want to be friends with him. Quote Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 i think the best way to break up is to sit the person down and tell them why to try to get closure on the situation... so both of you understand why you made the decision and can move on to new things without bitterness... if you already suspect he is cheating on you, and you don't seem to care all that much and want to move on anyway, then you two may just have grown apart so it might not be unexpected to him either... no contact just means that after you break up, give yourself a breather from him, and don't continue to communicate with him like your dating anymore... maybe agree that you won't get together, email or talk for a while until you both get adjusted to being apart... it can make the breakup harder if you keep in close contact and see him dating someone else or second guess yourself and question whether the breakup is the right thing when you have already decided it is... it doesn't mean you can't still be friends with him later when you have some distance from the breakup, but sometimes it is hard to try to go straight from boyfriend/girlfriend into being friends who speak/communicate all the time. Quote Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 I'm definatly going to do it face to face. He deserves it. And I know he's cheated on me, I'm kind of hopeing he's expecting it. When he talks to me he doesn't act like it though. Quote Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 i hope this doesn't sound offensive, but i'm wondering.. why do you want to be his friends when he cheated on you? Quote Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 Because I don't really blame him. Quote Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 You probably won't believe me but I honestly do want him to be happy. If Lindsay makes him happy then I really do think he should persue that even if it sucks for me. I'm more mad at her then him actually. I can understand why he would do it I can't understand why she would. Don't get me wrong I'm still mad that he did it or is doing it. You just don't do that while your with someone. Quote Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 DayWalker, she's been this guy's girlfriend for over three years. I think that warrants a face to face breakup. To me, anything but a face to face breakup, is cowardly. If you were in his shoes and the gf was breaking up with you, wouldn't you want her to tell it to YOUR face. It doesnt matter how she is going to break up with him he isnt going to like it. The person who is being broke up with can think whatever they want but, their opinion doesnt even matter. You are attempting to argue subtlties which you can do but it is a method of getting the break up done and over with. People dont deserve a good or bad break up after they be been together for a period of time there is no kind of reciprocity in action for a break up. If it was me she was breaking up with the bottom line is that we are broken up I am going to not like no matter the method that she chooses. Quote Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 The person who is being broke up with can think whatever they want but, their opinion doesnt even matter. His opinion definatly does matter. And I think he does deserve a good break up because we've been together so long. He put alot into this too. I would expect one. The method will matter because it could change weather we'll still be friends after or not. Quote Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 His opinion definatly does matter. And I think he does deserve a good break up because we've been together so long. He put alot into this too. I would expect one. The method will matter because it could change weather we'll still be friends after or not. You can break up with him the best way possible and he may choose not to be friends with you. As I stated before there is no good way to break up with a person, if you believe that his opinion matters then attempt the method you see fit. Quote Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 Yeah your right he may not. There is no good way yeah but some ways are better than others. Quote Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 You can break up with him the best way possible and he may choose not to be friends with you. As I stated before there is no good way to break up with a person, if you believe that his opinion matters then attempt the method you see fit. i disagree, there are plenty of bad ways to break up with someone. IM, text message, note passed through a friend. Someone on here even was broken up with through a myspace message! you know, i have never regretted having the breakup in person. it just helps with the closure, you know? breakups aren't pleasant at all, which is all the more reason to be kind while doing it. you know, treat him like a human being. you're going to be ok, and so will he. You sound like a very mature young lady, the way you are handling the demise of the relationship. 1 Quote Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 i disagree, there are plenty of bad ways to break up with someone. IM, text message, note passed through a friend. Someone on here even was broken up with through a myspace message! you know, i have never regretted having the breakup in person. it just helps with the closure, you know? breakups aren't pleasant at all, which is all the more reason to be kind while doing it. you know, treat him like a human being. Of course people dont like when they get broken up by a means of indirect communication. They feel like they deserved more than just a message, note, voice mail or whatever. The bottom line is that regardless of the method then there is still a break up. I cannot agree that a break up in person is better for closure, there are plenty of examples on this board where a face to face break up took place and 6 months to a 1 later the person who was broke up with still does not have closure. So I cannot agree with that, but I will say that the person being broke up with would prefer bring broke up in person because it is something perhaps they feel they deserve. We have a difference of opinion on this matter so I will agree to disagree. Quote Link to comment
emit_remmus Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I found out this morning that my boyfriend cheated on me with my friend. I guess I'm not really surprised, I kinda already knew but this morning I saw them and it confirmed it. When my friend told me she saw them I almost immediately decided if it was true we'd just work through it. Don't assume and do anything because what if you just saw what you wanted to believe? And what if thats how it appeared to your friend who told you? Just wait it out. Your life is about to change in so many ways anyway. Just don't be too hasty right now. Quote Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 So you think they're just friends? I don't kiss my friends. Quote Link to comment
Brooke657 Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 My life is about to change and that's exactly why I want to resolve this now. Quote Link to comment
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