what should be my next move?

[confused_male_32]

Ok! I have seeing this girl a few times now. She is just out of a five year relationship (been three months now).

We went out for dinner on Valentine'd day and then she came back to me place. We became cozy on the couch and I held her in my arms and kissed her.

Now! here is the thing....she doesn't mind if I hug her and kiss her but she never initiates anything on her own. She told me that she likes me a lot but she was hurt pretty bad after the breakup and wants to take things slow.

 

We are going out again on friday night and snowboarding on sat. My question is, what should be my next move?

 

ANSWERS I AM NOT LOOKING FOR:

(1) be patient and take things slow. (I know this already)

(2) She doesn't really like you but you are like a new dress she is trying on anyway

(3) You have no chance with her so give it up. (I have been told that before by people on this forum and I plain don't believe it).

(4) Get her drunk and have sex with her.

(5) She is about to dump you in the friend zone so be careful.

 

If there are people out there who have been either in my situation or her situation, please let me know what you guys did and how you dealt with the situation.

[Locke2121]

Your the rebound guy. That may not be a bad thing...you may be exactly what she is looking for. But she IS just coming out a bad relationship, doesn't want to get hurt again and is naturally reluctant to invest a great deal in any relationship right now. Just be patient.

[mustbefate]

Five years is a long time... and in my opinion, three months probably isn't long enough. This situation is beginning to look a lot like a "rebound". Just understand that you two probably have very different expectations...

[i1dr]

(6) go out again without thinking about any of this and see how it feels; see how it goes.

[i1dr]

Hey ... let me reconsider that answer I gave you. I'm just out of a five year relationship - it's been three months now .... hmmm!

Run! She is unstable, clingy, has five different personalities - and not honest with her self very much.

 

Man - I miss her! Leave my X-GF alone!

[hosswhispra]

She doesn't really like you but you are like a new dress she is trying on anyway

 

Did you get that from the Sex and the City episode where Carrie (the protagonist) says something exactly like that about a man she is dating?

[Day_Walker]

Of course you can say what kind of advice you are looking for but we arent here to give you advice that you want to hear instead we are giving advice based on each of our experience and those that we have seen.

 

I think that you need to realize the position that you are in. She just got out of a relationship and you are trying to start something new. People need time to think things through. You can continue to hang out with her but there is no for sure way of making sure that you end up with this girl. Fundamentally it is her decision if she wants to get with you or not. What is going to matter is how she truly feels about you and you cannot take what she says as gospel her actions have to be consistant with what she says and if they arent then she does not have an interest in you the way that you do her.

[confused_male_32]

Hey ... let me reconsider that answer I gave you. I'm just out of a five year relationship - it's been three months now .... hmmm!

Run! She is unstable, clingy, has five different personalities - and not honest with her self very much.

 

Man - I miss her! Leave my X-GF alone!

 

Nice!! on second thoughts, I should get her really drunk soon.

[confused_male_32]

Not helping one bit dude!!

I just wanna know the best possible moves for me for this friday night not my next 20 year plan with her.

I want her to go out with me and have some fun!!

Her sitting at home and moping and "thinking things through" as you put it is not gonna help.

I much rather express my feelings to her clearly and take my chance than play the waiting game wondering "I coulda, shoulda, woulda......". I am trying to be her lover not her buddy or her shrink.

[friscodj]

Not helping one bit dude!!

 

He is helping you a lot more than you know or want to know, yet you deny the reality of the situation and aren't looking at the bigger and more important picture here. But that's OK...I did the same thing at 23 and learned several important lessons because of it...as will you I believe here in this specific situation...

 

I much rather express my feelings to her clearly and take my chance than play the waiting game wondering "I coulda, shoulda, woulda......". I am trying to be her lover not her buddy or her shrink.

 

Then do this. This is your basis so keep this in mind whenver you are around her and are deciding on a course of action as situations unfold with her in real time. When in doubt, follow this path...

 

Why not do the same things that got you two to the couch on Valentine's Day? Why change what has already worked? If you want more, build on what you have already established to work with her. The deeper you go the deeper this has to come from your heart and soul my friend...

[Zaphod]

Have some fun. Don't expect anything out of it.

 

You're lucky enough to have the company (albeit limited ) of an attractive young lady. More than a lot of men get. Just take the fun while it's there and move on. Think of it this way - you could have never kissed her or taken her out at all.

Think of it more glass is half full.

[confused_male_32]

Thanks dude! nice post. Allow me to explain myself: I do want to go deeper. Ok! the question is how?!!!

 

I feel at this point I don't want to sequester all her time with me on the couch. I think this will remind her of her ex- all the time. Instead, my plan is to take her out to dancing, partying so that she doesn't have think about her ex- all the time. I can hope that way she sees me not as a reflection of her past relationship but as someone who is different.

 

b.t.w did I mention that she is a pro level shredder on a snowboard. I have seen her at her happiest when she is ripping it up in the snowpark.

[confused_male_32]

Have some fun. Don't expect anything out of it.

 

You're lucky enough to have the company (albeit limited ) of an attractive young lady. More than a lot of men get. Just take the fun while it's there and move on. Think of it this way - you could have never kissed her or taken her out at all.

Think of it more glass is half full.

 

Thanks! nice post

[friscodj]

I feel at this point I don't want to sequester all her time with me on the couch. I think this will remind her of her ex- all the time. Instead, my plan is to take her out to dancing, partying so that she doesn't have think about her ex- all the time. I can hope that way she sees me not as a reflection of her past relationship but as someone who is different.

 

This is a good plan I think. You've already answered your own questions here. You should trust yourself more!

 

b.t.w did I mention that she is a pro level shredder on a snowboard. I have seen her at her happiest when she is ripping it up in the snowpark.

 

That's cool man! Nothing like a day in the park followed by your plan above.

 

I'm not sure what lies beyond this based on some of the things you wrote earlier but you're going to have a lot of fun in this process here that's for sure...