Don't you hate this Valentine day..

[distroyed one]

I'm really desperate, it's not just that I think this pain will never end, it is knowing that I'm becoming terrible person.. Yesterday I've hated everyone that is in love, argued with my friends that wanted to wish me happy Valentine.. It was almost like an insult to me because after being dumped and in hell since august I cannot stand sentences that have word "love" in it.. I've become so jealous at other people that have someone in their life.. Turn my head away when I see a couple on the street..

This situation made me so bitter that I don't even recognize myself.. I've spend all day yesterday thinking where he is, crying because he is with someone else.. Secretly I hoped that all past few months are bad dream and that I will wake up and he will be here by my side..

Just going insane..

I wish I have some kind of amnesia.. With all of these memories it is imposible to live normal way..

[Kalika]

Listen, I don't know the details about your relationship or breakup, but I can tell you that your anger is already out of control. Everyone, at some point, has relationship problems, infidelity to deal with, lies, drama, breakups, etc. That's the way it goes. But your relationship is over now. He can't do any more damage to you. So why are you hurting yourself??

[distroyed one]

Because part of my life is gone.. He was here, we shared everything and in a moment he is leaving with someone else.. I've lost my self confidence, if I give someone love, attention, my time and it is not enough what more can I give..

It hurts so much not being worth of someones love.. Or even worse, having it and then loosing it..

[peaceseeker]

Hi Distroyed One,

 

I am no expert at this break-up thing, I am going through my own journey and definitely feeling much pain and sadness. I've done a lot thinking and looking for a way out of what seems like a nightmare, haven't found the miracle cure yet. There are a few conclusions I have come to.....

 

It is up to you. If you choose, you can hold onto all the anger, the pain, the rejection, the jealousy and not suprisingly it will made you feel *very bad*. Or you can "choose" to do everything you can to get over this thing. No-one says this is an easy road to travel, but lets face it...what is the alternative.....be miserable for longer than you have too.

 

It's a hard reality to face, but your ex may have moved on....the separation has happened, it's in the past and keeping going over it, and thinking how much it hurt is only causing "you" more pain. I know, I catch myself doing just that, a lot.

 

You are not a terrible person, it's really hard to lose some-one you love and trust, just look at all the stories here.......and you are definitely not going insane, that is unless we all are.

 

Decide to move forward, make yourself do something that will start that process.....and that's where it all sounds so cliched.... spend time with friends, exercise, find a new interest, talk to a psychologist. I bet you have read these things a million times, and you also know why.....cause these are the things that will start to make you feel better. And isn't that what you want??

 

This is not just a pep talk for you, it's for me too

Good luck

Peaceseeker

[distroyed one]

It is so hard.. Whole of my life will go away and I won't be able to take it in my hands again.. People say that time will heal it but I think that you have to be special type of person to have strenght to turn the other way.. It takes to be cool, self oriented and to have as less emotions as it is possible. Otherwise you are knocked down without hope to stand up again

[ElegantOverkill]

Yes it is hard! For me it has been 9 months since my ex left me and sometimes it still hurts! But! It will fade away and something, someone new will come. You will find it, it may take time and you will hurt but that is what makes you human. Listen. I am cool, calm and self oriented but love can screw with the best of us! Take this time to learn about yourself, better yourself and everything will fall into place.

 

hope this helps some.

[mikeca]

there is always hope, think of this way;

 

if your always so down and never willing to recover, how can you find that one person, who WILL love you for all your worth, who will make you a better person.

 

I know until I meet this girl all I can do to prepare is work on the stuff I dont like about myself, move forward, and take what life brings. And believe me, its brought on alot, but im still here, and so are you.

[distroyed one]

I don't think that I'll be prepared for new relationship ever.. This past brought me down and I completely lost faith in love and commitment.. It is not normal to have relationship without love and trust, and on the other hand I would allways be affraid of what might happen, like is he cheating me, is he thinking of someone else.. And I don't want that tension in my life, its like being in a war constantly, battle of forever.. I won't be able to let anyone near me and that is what relationships are all about in my oppinion.. I just needed someone to love and someone to love me, but even when I look around there is no such thing.. People are together for interests not because of feelings.. Only thing I regret is that I was involved in that relationship and because I let him hurt me..

[ElegantOverkill]

The hurt will fade. And if he was the one to hurt you then you dont need him anyway. I know it feels like this but the whole world is not out to hurt you. Be strong things will get better.

[Me and myself]

I don't think that I'll be prepared for new relationship ever.. This past brought me down and I completely lost faith in love and commitment.. It is not normal to have relationship without love and trust, and on the other hand I would allways be affraid of what might happen, like is he cheating me, is he thinking of someone else.. And I don't want that tension in my life, its like being in a war constantly, battle of forever.. I won't be able to let anyone near me and that is what relationships are all about in my oppinion.. I just needed someone to love and someone to love me, but even when I look around there is no such thing.. People are together for interests not because of feelings.. Only thing I regret is that I was involved in that relationship and because I let him hurt me..

 

I also have feelings like yours...or should I say, still have?

3 weeks ago I posted something here saying that the romantic man I used to be do not exist anymore. I believe I've said this because I was feeling a bit of anger because, just like you, in spite of all my efforts, she dumped me.

Nowadays I think differently....The romantic man is still here because, deeply, I don't want to loose it. But one thing I'm shure, in the future: I hope I will never put so many expectations in a relationship as I did with the last one. I hope I can be strnog enough to finish a relationship if I see too many red flags. I hope I can not let my fears dictate my actions, which means take the risks if I feel it's worth. And so on....

When she dumped me I started to look for myself and what I did to contribute for the relationship to fail...you know, both parties have their share of responsability and our job is to work on out issues so that the next time they may not be causes for a fail. I had never looked back to my relationships like I did on this one. I would prefer to blame the other person and let myself fall into self pity and anger. But you know, I love this girl so much, and the break up hurt me so much that I said to myself "This is hurting so much! I cannot let this happen again! I must know where I've failled and correct it!".

This means to be more aware of you want and what you need to do to achieve it, even if you have to dump someone...this doesn't sound so romantic, doesn't it? But you know, this romantic man is still inside of me but now I know better what I want and what to do.

 

Hope this helps....

[Orlander]

Destroyed One. I have 5 rules for you that I think you might need to follow. They are the rules I look at and try to adhere to every day.

 

1. Dont think about your ex

2. Dont think about the past

3. No harbor negative emotions

4. If you start to feel bad, just let it go.

5. Lift yourself up.

 

Its impossible to handle any situation from a place of personal weakness. You have to find the strength within yourself to be as strong as you want to be. That's the only difference between those "other" people you talk about and yourself, they see in themselves the strength you have, but cant see.

 

Get mad.

Be sad.

Cry.

 

But always understand that you are healing and it just takes time. Try to put the past behind you because each second you are thinking about your ex you are truly stealing from yourself.

 

 

Orlander

[distroyed one]

Thank you guys for nice words! I know that most important thing in overcoming this situation is self control.. Controlling my mind, actions.. And it is not easy.. I try and I fail, but what else can I do but to try again..

Thanks for finding time to read my posts, it really helps to share my thoughts with someone, just don't have anyone to talk about this..

Great people on this site had been a great support to me for all this time!

 

You are awesome!