HELP: haunted by bipolar/manic/narcissistic/abusive ex-boyfriend

[ladyspirit]

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that's where I'm at now - thanks for your help!!!

[redsuede]

well, I read your post and I understand this completely. I am sorry you are going through this, but you pointed it out clearly for you and me both. When you talk about the dr. jekyl and mr hide thing, you now have to deal with 2 losses. The jerk is not so hard to let go of, but the charm guy comes in and its wonderful. This one is not so easy to let go of, or make sense of. This is the part where I am finding it almost impossible for me to move on. I think I am doing great some days, and then days like today, I am on the floor of the ocean sucking in all the salt water trying to make sense of it. I wish I had some awesome advice for you, but really try to focus on what is best for you.. Dont try to analyze the 2 different parts, because its only confusing. It makes me all the more confused.

 

I guess I really had nothing brilliant to say.

 

But I can say, I understand all too well what you are describing.. I am sorry you are going through this.

[isidore]

Hope this'll help. I dated a woman diagnosed as Bipolar II for about 9 months. In the beginning she was intense. Came on like an irresistible force of nature: charming in the extreme, heart-lifting compliments, singling me out for attention, wanting to spend all her time with me, etc. etc. etc. Writing it down here really doesn't convey how powerfully magnetic her personality was! I felt unable to pull away.

 

But as the months went by she began to withdraw and evetually quit talking. I went from having hugs and kisses from her everyday (the highlight of my days!) to nothing. Then one night I called her because I was bummed that I hadn't seen her in awhile and she dumped me- over the phone.

 

The hardest part of this is is that she was straightforward with me from the beginning. She told me about her illness and that she knew she would become very depressed again, and that she had a habit of "dissappearing" out of people's lives. But I thought we'd be able to work through it together. But it just sucks so much now to know that that thinking was a flight of fancy on my part.

 

When she goes to the extremes of her condition I am excluded from the equation: her highs aren't high because I'm there, and her lowest lows have nothing to do with me either. In the end I found that I was locked out of her world. Though I desperately wanted to love her and be with her, I'm trying to realize just how serious something like bipolar is. How can I ever truly know what she's feeling or experiencing? I feel handicapped in that regard and it hurts.

 

Well, I've rambled and I doubt this'll get much of a read. But if it does please realize that no matter what, if you gave it your best, it's not your fault. If he's been diagnosed with a problem like this it hurts to say but you're probably better without him. I overlooked my ex's BP the whole time we were together. I didn't think of her as "BP" I thought of her as my beautiful, funny, loving girlfriend. But after she withdrew and ran away I've been forced to come to terms with the fact that we just weren't meant to be.

[isidore]

What happened ladyspirit? You deleted your post?