Should I end it? I'm UNBELIEVABLY hurt by her actions.

[Siriana]

It is not of huge importance that this is your first relationship.

It would be important if you were younger, learning the basics, but right now this fact doesn't have such a huge impact.

You are pretty much mature and smart so you can make conclusions (very good ones, as you did in your last post) that are good even without a lot of experience in relationships.

By now you gained enough experience to know how good communication is very important in a relationship.

 

I think right now you miss that. Looks like you two don't have that special vibe.

You can't be yourself because you're not understanding each other very well. Sometimes these things can't be forced. There has to be "we click" factor, only than you can have solid basis for improvement.

You made a good point - you can't communicate so in a way you already know this relationship will end sooner or later.

[WadeCure]

Thank you very much for your words for the last few posters, I read them all and thought about them. Last night I had an example of not being able to be myself around her. I was with her yesterday trying to purchase a TV. Being a new college grad I didn't have established credit when I applied for the store credit card. I felt really disappointed cause I had my heart on set on getting this TV this weekend because of a DVD that's coming out on Tuesday. She seems to get very upset with me that I was disappointed.

 

When I got home she sent me a message, the first saying "You still haven't talked to your roommate so I think I'm going to find an apartment, I don't think you're ready for us to live together" (which I'm not, she's right) That didn't bother me, in fact it was a huge relief because we don't need to be living together with all these problems that I'm having. But then she said something like "you act like it killed you when you didn't get the tv. sometimes I feel like I'm stronger emotionally, like I'm "the man" in the relationship." I told her "stoic does not equal stronger." I'm a very sensitive guy, as everyone could probably tell by the initial letter to begin with. I told her that I'm a sensitive emotional guy, that I have deep feelings, and if she couldn't handle it she didn't have to, and I'm not apologizing for it. My computer froze so I didn't see her response (if she gave one.) I told her I was going to bed and then I said to her "you and I still have a lot to learn about each other. I am a real sensitive guy, you know that. You said I'm the best of all the guys you know, well this is something that comes with the territory. I spent a long time denying it and trying to repress it, but now I've accepted it. I want to be the best. I want to be the best boyfriend you've ever had and I want you to be the best girlfriend I've ever had. I want our relationship to be better than everyone elses. I won't settle for less."

 

Maybe I am settling for less with her. I'm 25 years old, have never received much female attention, before that convinced myself that I was unattractive. I'm a very shy quiet person who likes stuff that not most people like. That's holding me back major from being objective about this relationship I think. I mentioned I had a best friend a while back. She actually made me feel more loved by far than my current girlfriend and I think I was crazier about my best friend than my girlfriend even if me and my best friend were just best friends and nothing more. I really long for a close emotionally intimate relationship like that again. My girlfriend thinks anything like that is being weak. She's never affectionnate. I hate that.

 

Another thing I've thought of last night is we all know the nice guys finished last conundrum that props up every now and then. I don't believe in nice guys finish last, but while I don't believe in it, it applies sort of here. For a refresher, it goes like this: girls falls for jerks. The jerks are charming and real loving for about a month and a half and then turn into their real selves, unaffectionnate and unloving - keeping the girl there always longing for how it was in the beginning. How does that apply to me? I feel that I'm the "girl" here and she's the "jerk." It really was that way. She was super affectionnate, super loving, so charming, made me feel so safe for about a month and a half - then after she took my virginity she's become this cold emotionally distant person that rarely shows affection for me.

 

I can't stand it.

[RayKay]

Wade,

 

I don't know buddy, but I think that in many ways the combination of first relationship, first sexual partner are playing a larger role in you wanting to be with her, than the reality of whom she is and how she makes you feel.

 

When you picture your future wife, do you picture someone whom you cannot feel yourself around, whom you cannot express emotions to without fear of being rejected of called "a girl", and whom is cold and emotionally distant?

 

Because at this rate, this is the direction things are going; you have been with her four months and she is showing her true colours already.

 

I also wanted to say, not talking about things and thinking they are all "fine" and moving on is a sure way to create resentments and allow for issues to become even more deep and eroding.

[sunday13]

I think I wish someone older and wiser would have told me that one of the most important things the person you spend the rest of your life with should be is your friend. Ultimately, when all else is gone, they are your friend... your best friend. The person who knows you better than anyone else...the person you just love to be around because they are fun and they make you smile. Romance, physical chemistry, all that is good... but a true friend will have your best interests at heart.

[Hope75]

Wade,

 

Something that bothers me alot is that both of you are still texting and emailing and IMing important things that should be discussed face to face, or in the very least if distance keeps you apart, by telephone.

 

I just don't get what about her makes you hold on- this relationship seems very dysfunctional and one-sided... and perhaps RayKay was onto something when she mentioned that you may be placing more value on this relationship than it's worth because she is/was your first... over what you really want and deserve in relationship. Part of me thinks that because you have nothing to compare it to... you really don't know a BAD relationship from a GOOD one.

[treefrogkate]

The following are all good points made by others, but deserve repeating:

 

Stop talkinga bout things by text and IM! Seriously! You've already seen what a disaster this can be, so why are you still doing it?!?

 

Don't ever drop a problem and assume it's over. You need resolution, and you need to talk about things or you will see the same problems cropping up over and over again.

 

You need open and honest communication in amy relationship if it's going to last.

 

One more thing, she seems like she is kind of mean to you, just with what she says and the tone of the words she uses. Have you talked to her about this?

[EvaGina]

She even got me to lose my virginity to her.

 

sometimes I feel like I'm stronger emotionally, like I'm "the man" in the relationship.".

 

then after she took my virginity.

 

I can't stand it.

 

You dont sound like a happy man.

I would get out of it... she sounds far to familiar for my liking.

She doesnt respect you... even if she loves you (which imo is impossible without respect) you are miserable.

 

It is FAR better to be single and have the options than to be stuck in a horrid relationship.