My girlfriend may be pregnant...

[OneConfusedGuy]

Hello everyone,

 

My girlfriend and I have been going out for the last few months (about 6 months now). She and I have a great relationship and we like eachother very much. However, I just recently found out (3 days ago) that at the end of this week, saturday, my girlfriend will be 3 weeks late. Although we have used protection responsibly (a condom EVERY time) it still worries me that she would be this late. We are both college students under a heavy workload, so I know (she's even said) that she is stressed out, and that causes her to be late. But she's also admitted this is the latest she's ever been (two weeks being the latest). She said that if she doesn't start her period at the end of this week, we would go out and purchase a pregnancy test.

 

I guess I'm just here because I'm worried, so maybe someone can offer some insight about being in the same situation? Unfortunately our views differ when it comes to abortion. (I agree with it and she doesn't) And while I respect her decision; having a child at this point in my life would be devastating for me. She's prepared to give up college and everything that she's worked SO hard for (only 2 years left in medschool) to raise a child. While, not only am I not mentally prepared but, I want to finish college and explore my passion in life. Because having a child, in my eyes, means devoting your life to it... and if my life is devoted then I cannot continue with what I want to do.

 

This will certainly be an eye opening experience for me. As my viewpoint about having sex, even with protection, will change. While she is reluctent to give up sex (IE: she doesn't know if a relationship can be the same without it), I am more then willing to try and continue the relationship without it.

 

Thank you to anyone who responds... any support, advice, or sharing similar experience is greatly appreciated.

 

Brandon

[MissTee]

Firstly, I think she should take a pregnancy test before you start thinking about abortions and what not.

 

Also, if she decides to keep the baby, you will both need to sit down and decide what you are going to do. You can't force her to have an abortion so it comes down to the fact, Will you stay with her or not? If not, will you be in the baby's life as a father figure? Is she willing to keep the baby even if you decide to pursue your own life and just see her and the baby once and a while?

 

Like I said, get a pregnancy test first.

[OneConfusedGuy]

I definitely agree that we need a pregnancy test before anything. Infact, I don't know why she's still waiting. (what a lovely valentines present this will be, LOL!) If she were to have a baby... I would certainly want to be there all the time and be the father.... it's just goes against everything inside of me to leave a child high and dry like that. And I'm sure she would try to make things work that way as well...

[Jasrosy]

I agree with the fact that she needs to take a pregnancy test first. From my experience, I don't know, but if she doesn't agree with abortion its hard for her to do it. I am a sophmore in college, and I got pregnant, my ex- decided for me to have an abortion, but I ignored it, and although, and it has been really hard on me because he left me for another girl(the reason he didn't want the baby). Although, I new I had to make many sacrifices, I knew what I was getting myself into when I decided to be with him, so I decided to keep my baby bc it was also an unplanned pregnancy, all I can say is to try to understand her decisions, but first of all try to find out if she's really pregnant, and try to be sopportive with her decisions, if you indeed love her, because she will really need if she is.

[sophie274]

I don't know what advice I can give at this point - she needs to find out if she pregnant, but it sounds like she has already made her decision if she is: to keep the baby and raise it.

 

And as much as you may dislike it, the fact is (and I say this with complete compassion for your situation, because you must be so nervous) that you should have thought about it before and taken appropriate measures to prevent an unwanted pregnancy.

 

For now, she needs to take a test, ASAP. If she is not pregnant then I would suggest you revisit your method of birth control if you do not want to be a father. Not having sex may be a bit drastic - you can get fairly close to a zero chance by using 2 or more methods of BC. I would suggest a hormonal method for her (or IUD), coupled with condoms, even some spermicide if you want to be extra careful.

 

If she is pregnant and wants to keep the child, then you will have to accept the responsibility you had in making the baby, and not be angry at her for making the choice to keep the baby, since you knew about her views regarding abortion previously. Provide as much support for her as possible, and prepare yourself to be a father to your child.

 

Good luck! Fingers crossed for you she is not pregnant!

[finewhine]

Agree with Sophie 110%.

[Hope75]

Had you discussed the possibility of condoms failing and what you would do before this happened?

[OneConfusedGuy]

We talked about it vaguely... which I regret at this point. Basically she told me her views when she was younger (which she didn't have any problem with aborition) then she stated that she THINKS her views are starting to change. (That should have been my clue, obviously) I didn't take it too seriously as I thought - since we are using birth control responsibly, a pregnacy situation would never arise, and if it did, she would consider the circumstances. But now that this time has come, we have discussed it seriously... and well, here we are talking about it =) At this point she even says she hopes she's not pregnant, because she does want to finish school, but if she is, she is going to keep it. I'm not mad at her by any means... because I know it's my fault just as much as hers. But it certainly puts a new perspective in my eyes.

 

 

Oh and - she used to take the pill, but didn't like it because it made her feel abnormal. So do you guys recommend any other secondary birth control options? She's really not into taking anything that effects her horomones.

[BellaDonna]

She may be pro-choice, but personally opposed to abortion (i.e. she would not do it herself).

 

Regardless, there is no need to wait another week to get a pregnancy test. She is already quite late. She should take an over-the-counter test ASAP. If she is indeed pregnant and wants to keep this baby- she needs to know. The first trimester is a very delicate time. If she's pregnant- she should be taking prenatal vitamins immediately because she needs the folic acid to help prevent birth defects like spina bifida.

 

Waiting to find out will do no good,

 

 

BellaDonna