hunter18 Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 my wife of 12yrs cheated on me twice. i haven't left her but i am lost. i do believe i would have left if it wasn't for our 3yr old. i do love my wife and i believe she still loves me but we are not happy at this point. we are just not madly in love like we once was. the first affair was 6yrs ago when i thought we were madly in love(i just found out about it 5 months ago). the second affair was just an emotional affair which ended in jan., so she says. i just don't have any trust for her anymore. without trust it is making it hard to stay. she shows no remorse or regret about the cheating, she just thinks it should just go away. i do love my family but i feel like my wife is just a roomate and a mother to my child at this time. my heart and trust has been broke and i am lost. what kind of advice does anyone have about staying or leaving? also marriage counsling is not an option to us either one. thanks for any help.
cantexplain Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 i just don't have any trust for her anymore. without trust it is making it hard to stay. she shows no remorse or regret about the cheating, she just thinks it should just go away. i do love my family ... secure your and your child's interests and fly away, I say.
Kalika Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I understand that you are in a serious dilemma, especially considering the fact that you have a child together. But you need to consider several things: Kids pick up on whatever is going on with their parents. If you're worried about the impact of divorce on a child, you should also take into consideration the impact of raising a child in a household where the parents' marriage is loveless. It may also be easier to divorce sooner rather than later, because your child is young. All that aside, suppose you found out that this last "emotional affair" partner was actually someone your wife had physically cheated with.. Or say you find out in the future that she started an affair with someone new. Could you deal with that and stay with her for the sake of your child? Are you there now because of your 3 year old, or are you there because you still love her? Personally, my parents' marriage survived infidelity because my mom decided it wasn't worth breaking up the family over. You have to decide for yourself which decision you would be happiest with, and what would allow you to be the best parent given the circumstances.
DN Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Has she said why she felt the need to cheat? Knowing why is the key to knowing what happened and what needs to be done so that both of you can feel as secure as possible that it won't happen again. Cheating is the most hurtful and thereforeeee most important aspect of a situation like this but it is only one part of it. Your relationship is only fixable if you both know what is broken and what has to be done to mend it.
Iceman26 Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 You gave her a second chance and she blew it. You don't have any trust left for her and she keeps cheating, but you get along alright so why not get an amicable divorce? Staying with her for the sake of the child will not do the child any favors and her behavior is putting your physical and mental health at risk.
cantexplain Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 secure your and your child's interests and fly away, I say. P.S. If she had cheated once I'd say work on this. But twice means she is very likely an incurable cheat. I am very sorry this has happened to you -- but rest assuredly you are not alone. What really adds to your story is that she doesn't sound too remorseful and expects you to just "forgettaboutit." She has blown it with you and will likely blow it with others she tries to commit to down the road. Please don't blame yourself.
fridagrrl Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 my ex-husband acted the same way when he cheated on me. he expected me to "get over it" and continued to do things that broke my trust. if you don't have TRUST in a relationship you don't have ANYTHING!!!! i tried for 5 more years after the fact and now i can honestly say that i have PEACE OF MIND!!!! there's NOTHING worse than wondering about that sort of thing on a daily basis....and the old saying is probably true....once a cheater, always a cheater... about your child....at 3 yrs old they will probably not remember.... i went back when mine were 2 and 3 and finally ended it now at 5 and 6.... it's MUCH WORSE when they're older.... 1
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