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Is there someone else?


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You may have read my other post about "Some advice. Break up ++".

 

I have read other posts here about similar things, and I see so many of you guys find out there is someone else, sometimes straight away, sometimes after months.

 

Are there any sure signs, that it is not just her feelings that have changed, but that your gf has actually given up on you and found someone else?

 

We are on speaking terms, but her life sounds strange to me. There was a time when, after a party she was walked home by a friend of ours, it's in my other post. He stayed at her house, alone with her, yet as there was a party to come down from, and you are not meant to do that alone, was that the reason he was there? I know if we had of been together, he would probably have come back with both of us to be there. Was it just that they are close friends and she needed a friend due to her being in a break up, even if she started the breakup?

 

He has two broken relationships behind him, two kids, one to each. He still lives with one of them, yet we all know he is not interested in her as a GF, but is only there to make a home for the kids, she handles the home, he spends his time alone in his room DJing.

 

He has told me in the past that if my GF became available that him and a few others in our group of "friends" would be very interested in jumping into my shoes and going out with her.

 

It might not be him!

 

She has cheated on me before, years ago, at least once that I know of. I have cheated on her before, once. Sexually cheated. She nearly left me for another man once, the same one and while he was bad news and she might have done it to spite me at the time, I took got her back.

 

She lied very well then, but I had suspicions and found her at his house, had it out and got her back, if I had not, I fear she would never have told me or let me find out.

 

It took me two years of asking her on occasion if she had slept with him, and for two years she said no. Eventually, she admitted that she slept with him once, but I suspect it could have been more.

 

She says our break up is because she has given me enough chances to grow up and get a job for our life, so we can build and live together. She says that is what she wants, but that I am not the right person anymore. I can't help but see that in leaving me, when I was so close to giving her what she wants, that she is setting herself back years into finding what she wants with someone else. So how can she not give us a chance instead?

 

She still says confsing things to me, like she has not looked for someone else, isnt thinking about it yet. She says really confusing things like she will not look elsewhere for sex. When I said words like: "I don't know how I will feel when you go with someone else. You told me you never would." She answered, "There is always the possibility that I will meet someone else.", I said, "Yes, but you said you would not go to anyone else for sex." "I know and I won't."

 

Sound confusing? Yep. I fear that if there was someone else that she would keep it very, very secret. I am even paranoid that, possibly, just possibly one or two of my friends could know and not tell me, even if it was because they believe our relationship is over anyway, and me knowing there was another man that caused it, might not help me, might make my pain and depression worse.

 

Everyone seems adament that there is noone else, but they also seem adament that it is over, and offered no advice and help about getting her back.

 

Now that I am not with her, her life is changing. She claims to be spending a lot of time at her mums. She does work a lot, but we still managed to spend lots of time together before. I am just not in her life enough to know anymore, what is going on.

 

I read her horroscope about a week after our break up. In short it said... "The new love in your life is dieing to tell it's secret, but someone else you loved may not be ready to hear that. You should balance your life between being careful about someone feelings and what you want now, or maybe just don't care."

 

I know reading these things, cannot tell you much, but I have always found that things do try and show you signs if you let them, just which ones and the right signs.

 

I woke the other morning, dreaming about her. We were split up in the dream and when we went back to her house, there was a letter telling her some man she had left me for had dumped her. We were getting back together and about to make love when I woke up. I woke up to family argument.

 

Recently, I have wondered where her energy for partying is going. I am not out anywhere near as often as we used to go out, simply because she was the one I went out with, with her and our friends. most of the ones we went out with, are now her friends.

 

She has also started turning her phone off at times, which is something she never did before. I tried to phone her last saturday night, and her phone was off.

 

Am I being paranoid? Is there any methods to find out, without becoming a stocker, without spying on her. Is there anyway to confront her about it, and know for sure. (I fear she will just say no, there is noone else, even if there is.) Are there any signs that would tell me for sure, if I seen them?

 

She is more beautiful, full of self pride and puts even more effort into making herself look totally perfect. We still speak, and she is soft with me, caring as a friend, wants us to be friends, but believes we dont want the same things in life, we have grown up into different people, she has changed and is not "in love" with me, even though she will always love me.

 

Any advice would be great.... thanks.

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1. I do not think this girl is a dog and I do not have flees from this relationship. I am just trying to complete the puzzle so i can move on, or find the key to her heart while I still have the chance to.

 

2. I believe I am quite good at relationships, but I am not perfect and make mistakes, or sometimes I do too little in fear of making a mistake, maybe sometimes I hide from things instead of making a decision and possibly a mistake. Besides, I dont think it is a matter of being good or bad at them, you just be yourself, it takes two to tango and both can't be good for each other all the time. I feel I need a chance to be good for her again.

 

I am a nice guy, and I will take pride in the happiness we brought each other, and I brought her. I thought it was special, I thought the me with her was the best me I have seen, and I find it hard to comprehend how I will be "special" with another, ever again.

 

Thanks for your replies anyway. I really do love her, and I may be being paranoid. She will remain my friend and I will trust her as innocent until proven guilty. I will not slag her off or feel false anger towards her unless she is guilty.

 

thanks again.

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HEY,,,THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A NICE GUY.BUT THINK OF IT THIS WAY...WOULD YOU PUT HER THREW ALL OF THIS CONFUSION AND HEARTBREAK IF THE TABLES WERE TURNED???EXACTLEY....BOTTOM LINE ,IF SHE LOVED YOU SHE WOULD BE THERE,AND NOTHING OR NOBODY WOULD OR COULD STOP HER.AND HOW COULD SHE EVER RESPECT YOU ANYWAYS??AFTER TAKING EVERYTHING THAT SHES DONE TO YOU?AND YOU STILL WANT HER BACK?AND PAY NO MIND TO MS.SISTER LYNCH.SHES JUST ANOTHER UNACOUNTABLE B###H COSINGNING YOUR GIRLFRIENDS BULLS###T.

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